39. Chapter XXXIX The Tidings

Adam Bede / 亚当·比德

1Adam turned his face towards Broxton and walked with his swiftest stride, looking at his watch with the fear that Mr. Irwine might be gone outhunting, perhaps. The fear and haste together produced a state of strong excitement before he reached the rectory gate, and outside it he saw the deep marks of a recent hoof on the gravel.

2But the hoofs were turned towards the gate, not away from it, and though there was a horse against the stable door, it was not Mr. Irwine’s: it had evidently had a journey this morning, and must belong to some one who had come on business. Mr. Irwine was at home, then; but Adam could hardly find breath and calmness to tell Carroll that he wanted to speak to the rector. The double suffering of certain and uncertain sorrow had begun to shake the strong man. The butler looked at him wonderingly, as he threw himself on a bench in the passage and stared absently at the clock on the opposite wall. The master had somebody with him, he said, but he heard the study door openthe stranger seemed to be coming out, and as Adam was in a hurry, he would let the master know at once.

3Adam sat looking at the clock: the minute-hand was hurrying along the last five minutes to ten with a loud, hard, indifferent tick, and Adam watched the movement and listened to the sound as if he had had some reason for doing so. In our times of bitter suffering there are almost always these pauses, when our consciousness is benumbed to everything but some trivial perception or sensation. It is as if semi-idiocy came to give us rest from the memory and the dread which refuse to leave us in our sleep.

4Carroll, coming back, recalled Adam to the sense of his burden. He was to go into the study immediately. “I cant think what that strange persons come about,” the butler added, from mere incontinence of remark, as he preceded Adam to the door, “hes gone ithe dining-room. And master looks unaccountableas if he was frightened.” Adam took no notice of the words: he could not care about other peoples business. But when he entered the study and looked in Mr. Irwine’s face, he felt in an instant that there was a new expression in it, strangely different from the warm friendliness it had always worn for him before. A letter lay open on the table, and Mr. Irwine’s hand was on it, but the changed glance he cast on Adam could not be owing entirely to preoccupation with some disagreeable business, for he was looking eagerly towards the door, as if Adams entrance were a matter of poignant anxiety to him.

5You want to speak to me, Adam,” he said, in that low constrainedly quiet tone which a man uses when he is determined to suppress agitation. “Sit down here.” He pointed to a chair just opposite to him, at no more than a yards distance from his own, and Adam sat down with a sense that this cold manner of Mr. Irwine’s gave an additional unexpected difficulty to his disclosure. But when Adam had made up his mind to a measure, he was not the man to renounce it for any but imperative reasons.

6I come to you, sir,” he said, “as the gentleman I look up to most of anybody. Ive something very painful to tell yousomething as itll pain you to hear as well as me to tell. But if I speak othe wrong other people have done, youll see I didn’t speak till Id good reason.”

7Mr. Irwine nodded slowly, and Adam went on rather tremulously, “You was thamarried me and Hetty Sorrel, you know, sir, othe fifteenth othis month. I thought she loved me, and I was thhappiest man ithe parish. But a dreadful blows come upon me.”

8Mr. Irwine started up from his chair, as if involuntarily, but then, determined to control himself, walked to the window and looked out.

9Shes gone away, sir, and we dont know where. She said she was going to Snowfield oFriday was a fortnight, and I went last Sunday to fetch her back; but shed never been there, and she took the coach to Stoniton, and beyond that I cant trace her. But now Im going a long journey to look for her, and I cant trust tanybody but you where Im going.”

10Mr. Irwine came back from the window and sat down.

11Have you no idea of the reason why she went away?” he said.

12Its plain enough she didn’t want to marry me, sir,” said Adam. She didn’t like it when it came so near. But that isn’t all, I doubt. Theres something else I must tell you, sir. Theres somebody else concerned besides me.”

13A gleam of somethingit was almost like relief or joycame across the eager anxiety of Mr. Irwine’s face at that moment. Adam was looking on the ground, and paused a little: the next words were hard to speak. But when he went on, he lifted up his head and looked straight at Mr. Irwine. He would do the thing he had resolved to do, without flinching.

14You know whos the man Ive reckoned my greatest friend,” he said, “and used to be proud to think as I should pass my life iworking for him, and had felt so ever since we were lads....”

15Mr. Irwine, as if all self-control had forsaken him, grasped Adams arm, which lay on the table, and, clutching it tightly like a man in pain, said, with pale lips and a low hurried voice, “No, Adam, nodont say it, for Gods sake!”

16Adam, surprised at the violence of Mr. Irwine’s feeling, repented of the words that had passed his lips and sat in distressed silence. The grasp on his arm gradually relaxed, and Mr. Irwine threw himself back in his chair, saying, “Go onI must know it.”

17That man played with Hettys feelings, and behaved to her as hed no right to do to a girl in her station olifemade her presents and used to go and meet her out a-walking. I found it out only two days before he went awayfound him a-kissing her as they were parting in the Grove. Thered been nothing said between me and Hetty then, though Id loved her for a long while, and she knew it. But I reproached him with his wrong actions, and words and blows passed between us; and he said solemnly to me, after that, as it had been all nonsense and no more than a bit oflirting. But I made him write a letter to tell Hetty hed meant nothing, for I saw clear enough, sir, by several things as I hadn’t understood at the time, as hed got hold of her heart, and I thought shed belike go on thinking of him and never come to love another man as wanted to marry her. And I gave her the letter, and she seemed to bear it all after a while better than Id expected... and she behaved kinder and kinder to me... I daresay she didn’t know her own feelings then, poor thing, and they came back upon her when it was too late... I dont want to blame her... I cant think as she meant to deceive me. But I was encouraged to think she loved me, andyou know the rest, sir. But its on my mind as hes been false to me, and ’ticed her away, and shes gone to himand Im going now to see, for I can never go to work again till I know whats become of her.”

18During Adams narrative, Mr. Irwine had had time to recover his self-mastery in spite of the painful thoughts that crowded upon him. It was a bitter remembrance to him nowthat morning when Arthur breakfasted with him and seemed as if he were on the verge of a confession. It was plain enough now what he had wanted to confess. And if their words had taken another turn... if he himself had been less fastidious about intruding on another mans secrets... it was cruel to think how thin a film had shut out rescue from all this guilt and misery. He saw the whole history now by that terrible illumination which the present sheds back upon the past. But every other feeling as it rushed upon him was thrown into abeyance by pity, deep respectful pity, for the man who sat before himalready so bruised, going forth with sad blind resignedness to an unreal sorrow, while a real one was close upon him, too far beyond the range of common trial for him ever to have feared it. His own agitation was quelled by a certain awe that comes over us in the presence of a great anguish, for the anguish he must inflict on Adam was already present to him. Again he put his hand on the arm that lay on the table, but very gently this time, as he said solemnly:

19Adam, my dear friend, you have had some hard trials in your life. You can bear sorrow manfully, as well as act manfully. God requires both tasks at our hands. And there is a heavier sorrow coming upon you than any you have yet known. But you are not guiltyyou have not the worst of all sorrows. God help him who has!”

20The two pale faces looked at each other; in Adams there was trembling suspense, in Mr. Irwine’s hesitating, shrinking pity. But he went on.

21I have had news of Hetty this morning. She is not gone to him. She is in Stonyshire—at Stoniton.”

22Adam started up from his chair, as if he thought he could have leaped to her that moment. But Mr. Irwine laid hold of his arm again and said, persuasively, “Wait, Adam, wait.” So he sat down.

23She is in a very unhappy positionone which will make it worse for you to find her, my poor friend, than to have lost her for ever.”

24Adams lips moved tremulously, but no sound came. They moved again, and he whispered, “Tell me.”

25She has been arrested... she is in prison.”

26It was as if an insulting blow had brought back the spirit of resistance into Adam. The blood rushed to his face, and he said, loudly and sharply, “For what?”

27For a great crimethe murder of her child.”

28It cant be!” Adam almost shouted, starting up from his chair and making a stride towards the door; but he turned round again, setting his back against the bookcase, and looking fiercely at Mr. Irwine. It isn’t possible. She never had a child. She cant be guilty. Who says it?”

29God grant she may be innocent, Adam. We can still hope she is.”

30But who says she is guilty?” said Adam violently. Tell me everything.”

31Here is a letter from the magistrate before whom she was taken, and the constable who arrested her is in the dining-room. She will not confess her name or where she comes from; but I fear, I fear, there can be no doubt it is Hetty. The description of her person corresponds, only that she is said to look very pale and ill. She had a small red-leather pocket-book in her pocket with two names written in itone at the beginning, ‘Hetty Sorrel, Hayslope,’ and the other near the end, ‘Dinah Morris, Snowfield.’ She will not say which is her own nameshe denies everything, and will answer no questions, and application has been made to me, as a magistrate, that I may take measures for identifying her, for it was thought probable that the name which stands first is her own name.”

32But what proof have they got against her, if it is Hetty?” said Adam, still violently, with an effort that seemed to shake his whole frame. Ill not believe it. It couldn’t habeen, and none of us know it.”

33Terrible proof that she was under the temptation to commit the crime; but we have room to hope that she did not really commit it. Try and read that letter, Adam.”

34Adam took the letter between his shaking hands and tried to fix his eyes steadily on it. Mr. Irwine meanwhile went out to give some orders. When he came back, Adams eyes were still on the first pagehe couldn’t readhe could not put the words together and make out what they meant. He threw it down at last and clenched his fist.

35Its his doing,” he said; “if theres been any crime, its at his door, not at hers. He taught her to deceivehe deceived me first. Letem put him on his triallet him stand in court beside her, and Ill tellem how he got hold of her heart, and ’ticed her tevil, and then lied to me. Is he to go free, while they lay all the punishment on her... so weak and young?”

36The image called up by these last words gave a new direction to poor Adams maddened feelings. He was silent, looking at the corner of the room as if he saw something there. Then he burst out again, in a tone of appealing anguish,

37I cant bear it... O God, its too hard to lay upon meits too hard to think shes wicked.”

38Mr. Irwine had sat down again in silence. He was too wise to utter soothing words at present, and indeed, the sight of Adam before him, with that look of sudden age which sometimes comes over a young face in moments of terrible emotionthe hard bloodless look of the skin, the deep lines about the quivering mouth, the furrows in the browthe sight of this strong firm man shattered by the invisible stroke of sorrow, moved him so deeply that speech was not easy. Adam stood motionless, with his eyes vacantly fixed in this way for a minute or two; in that short space he was living through all his love again.

39She cant hadone it,” he said, still without moving his eyes, as if he were only talking to himself: “it was fear made her hide it... I forgive her for deceiving me... I forgive thee, Hetty... thee wast deceived too... its gone hard withee, my poor Hetty... but theyll never make me believe it.”

40He was silent again for a few moments, and then he said, with fierce abruptness, “Ill go to himIll bring him backIll make him go and look at her in her miseryhe shall look at her till he cant forget itit shall follow him night and dayas long as he lives it shall follow himhe shan’t escape wilies this timeIll fetch him, Ill drag him myself.”

41In the act of going towards the door, Adam paused automatically and looked about for his hat, quite unconscious where he was or who was present with him. Mr. Irwine had followed him, and now took him by the arm, saying, in a quiet but decided tone,

42No, Adam, no; Im sure you will wish to stay and see what good can be done for her, instead of going on a useless errand of vengeance. The punishment will surely fall without your aid. Besides, he is no longer in Ireland. He must be on his way homeor would be, long before you arrived, for his grandfather, I know, wrote for him to come at least ten days ago. I want you now to go with me to Stoniton. I have ordered a horse for you to ride with us, as soon as you can compose yourself.”

43While Mr. Irwine was speaking, Adam recovered his consciousness of the actual scene. He rubbed his hair off his forehead and listened.

44Remember,” Mr. Irwine went on, “there are others to think of, and act for, besides yourself, Adam: there are Hettys friends, the good Poysers, on whom this stroke will fall more heavily than I can bear to think. I expect it from your strength of mind, Adamfrom your sense of duty to God and manthat you will try to act as long as action can be of any use.”

45In reality, Mr. Irwine proposed this journey to Stoniton for Adams own sake. Movement, with some object before him, was the best means of counteracting the violence of suffering in these first hours.

46You will go with me to Stoniton, Adam?” he said again, after a moments pause. We have to see if it is really Hetty who is there, you know.”

47Yes, sir,” said Adam, “Ill do what you think right. But the folks at thHall Farm?”

48I wish them not to know till I return to tell them myself. I shall have ascertained things then which I am uncertain about now, and I shall return as soon as possible. Come now, the horses are ready.”