56. CHAPTER LVI. AN IMPORTANT CONFERENCE TAKES PLACE BETWEEN MR. PICKWICK AND SAMUEL WELLER, AT WHICH HIS PARENT ASSISTS—AN OLD GENTLEMAN IN A SNUFF-COLOURED SUIT ARRIVES UNEXPECTEDLY

The Pickwick Papers / 匹克威克外传

1Mr. Pickwick was sitting alone, musing over many things, and thinking among other considerations how he could best provide for the young couple whose present unsettled condition was matter of constant regret and anxiety to him, when Mary stepped lightly into the room, and, advancing to the table, said, rather hastily

2Oh, if you please, Sir, Samuel is downstairs, and he says may his father see you?

3Surely,’ replied Mr. Pickwick.

4Thank you, Sir,’ said Mary, tripping towards the door again.

5Sam has not been here long, has he? inquired Mr. Pickwick.

6Oh, no, Sir,’ replied Mary eagerly. He has only just come home. He is not going to ask you for any more leave, Sir, he says.’

7Mary might have been conscious that she had communicated this last intelligence with more warmth than seemed actually necessary, or she might have observed the good-humoured smile with which Mr. Pickwick regarded her, when she had finished speaking. She certainly held down her head, and examined the corner of a very smart little apron, with more closeness than there appeared any absolute occasion for.

8Tell them they can come up at once, by all means,’ said Mr. Pickwick.

9Mary, apparently much relieved, hurried away with her message.

10Mr. Pickwick took two or three turns up and down the room; and, rubbing his chin with his left hand as he did so, appeared lost in thought.

11Well, well,’ said Mr. Pickwick, at length in a kind but somewhat melancholy tone, ‘it is the best way in which I could reward him for his attachment and fidelity; let it be so, in Heavens name. It is the fate of a lonely old man, that those about him should form new and different attachments and leave him. I have no right to expect that it should be otherwise with me. No, no,’ added Mr. Pickwick more cheerfully, ‘it would be selfish and ungrateful. I ought to be happy to have an opportunity of providing for him so well. I am. Of course I am.’

12Mr. Pickwick had been so absorbed in these reflections, that a knock at the door was three or four times repeated before he heard it. Hastily seating himself, and calling up his accustomed pleasant looks, he gave the required permission, and Sam Weller entered, followed by his father.

13Glad to see you back again, Sam,’ said Mr. Pickwick. How do you do, Mr. Weller?’

14‘Wery hearty, thankee, sir,’ replied the widower; ‘hope I see you well, sir.’

15Quite, I thank you,’ replied Mr. Pickwick.

16I wanted to have a little bit o’ conwersation with you, sir,’ said Mr. Weller, ‘if you could spare me five minits or so, sir.’

17Certainly,’ replied Mr. Pickwick. Sam, give your father a chair.’

18Thankee, Samivel, Ive got a cheer here,’ said Mr. Weller, bringing one forward as he spoke; ‘uncommon fine day its been, sir,’ added the old gentleman, laying his hat on the floor as he sat himself down.

19Remarkably so, indeed,’ replied Mr. Pickwick. Very seasonable.’

20‘Seasonablest veather I ever see, sir,’ rejoined Mr. Weller. Here, the old gentleman was seized with a violent fit of coughing, which, being terminated, he nodded his head and winked and made several supplicatory and threatening gestures to his son, all of which Sam Weller steadily abstained from seeing.

21Mr. Pickwick, perceiving that there was some embarrassment on the old gentlemans part, affected to be engaged in cutting the leaves of a book that lay beside him, and waited patiently until Mr. Weller should arrive at the object of his visit.

22I never see sich a aggrawatin’ boy as you are, Samivel,’ said Mr. Weller, looking indignantly at his son; ‘never in all my born days.’

23What is he doing, Mr. Weller? inquired Mr. Pickwick.

24He von’t begin, sir,’ rejoined Mr. Weller; ‘he knows I ain’t ekal to ex-pressin’ myself ven theres anythin’ partickler to be done, and yet hell stand and see me a-settin’ here taking up your walable time, and makin’ a reg’lar spectacle omyself, rayther than help me out vith a syllable. It ain’t filial conduct, Samivel,’ said Mr. Weller, wiping his forehead; ‘wery far from it.’

25You said youd speak,’ replied Sam; ‘how should I know you wos done up at the wery beginnin’?

26You might haseen I warnt able to start,’ rejoined his father; ‘Im on the wrong side of the road, and backin’ into the palin’s, and all manner of unpleasantness, and yet you von’t put out a hand to help me. Im ashamed on you, Samivel.

27The fact is, Sir,’ said Sam, with a slight bow, ‘the gov’nors been a-drawin’ his money.

28‘Wery good, Samivel, wery good,’ said Mr. Weller, nodding his head with a satisfied air, ‘I didn’t mean to speak harsh to you, Sammy. Wery good. Thats the vay to begin. Come to the pint at once. Wery good indeed, Samivel.’

29Mr. Weller nodded his head an extraordinary number of times, in the excess of his gratification, and waited in a listening attitude for Sam to resume his statement.

30You may sit down, Sam,’ said Mr. Pickwick, apprehending that the interview was likely to prove rather longer than he had expected.

31Sam bowed again and sat down; his father looking round, he continued

32The gov’nor, sir, has drawn out five hundred and thirty pound.

33Reduced counsels,’ interposed Mr. Weller, senior, in an undertone.

34It dont much matter vether its reduced counsels, or wot not,’ said Sam; ‘five hundred and thirty pounds is the sum, ain’t it?’

35All right, Samivel,’ replied Mr. Weller.

36To vich sum, he has added for the house and bisness—’

37Lease, good-vill, stock, and fixters,’ interposed Mr. Weller.

38As much as makes it,’ continued Sam, ‘altogether, eleven hundred and eighty pound.’

39Indeed! said Mr. Pickwick. I am delighted to hear it. I congratulate you, Mr. Weller, on having done so well.’

40‘Vait a minit, Sir,’ said Mr. Weller, raising his hand in a deprecatory manner. Get on, Samivel.’

41This here money,’ said Sam, with a little hesitation, ‘hes anxious to put someveres, vere he knows itll be safe, and Im wery anxious too, for if he keeps it, hell go a-lendin’ it to somebody, or inwestin’ property in horses, or droppin’ his pocket-book down an airy, or makin’ a Egyptian mummy of his-self in some vay or another.

42‘Wery good, Samivel,’ observed Mr. Weller, in as complacent a manner as if Sam had been passing the highest eulogiums on his prudence and foresight. ‘Wery good.’

43For vich reasons,’ continued Sam, plucking nervously at the brim of his hat—‘for vich reasons, hes drawn it out to-day, and come here vith me to say, leastvays to offer, or in other vords—’

44To say this here,’ said the elder Mr. Weller impatiently, ‘that it ain’t ono use to me. Im a-goin’ to vork a coach reg’lar, and hant got noveres to keep it in, unless I vos to pay the guard for takin’ care on it, or to put it in vun othe coach pockets, vich ‘ud be a temptation to the insides. If youll take care on it for me, sir, I shall be wery much obliged to you. Praps,’ said Mr. Weller, walking up to Mr. Pickwick and whispering in his ear—‘praps itll go a little vay towards the expenses othatere conwiction. All I say is, just you keep it till I ask you for it again.’ With these words, Mr. Weller placed the pocket-book in Mr. Pickwick’s hands, caught up his hat, and ran out of the room with a celerity scarcely to be expected from so corpulent a subject.

45Stop him, Sam! exclaimed Mr. Pickwick earnestly. Overtake him; bring him back instantly! Mr. Weller—herecome back!’

46Sam saw that his masters injunctions were not to be disobeyed; and, catching his father by the arm as he was descending the stairs, dragged him back by main force.

47My good friend,’ said Mr. Pickwick, taking the old man by the hand, ‘your honest confidence overpowers me.’

48I dont see no occasion for nothin’ othe kind, Sir,’ replied Mr. Weller obstinately.

49I assure you, my good friend, I have more money than I can ever need; far more than a man at my age can ever live to spend,’ said Mr. Pickwick.

50No man knows how much he can spend, till he tries,’ observed Mr. Weller.

51Perhaps not,’ replied Mr. Pickwick; ‘but as I have no intention of trying any such experiments, I am not likely to come to want. I must beg you to take this back, Mr. Weller.’

52Wery well,’ said Mr. Weller, with a discontented look. Mark my vords, Sammy, Ill do somethin’ desperate vith this here property; somethin’ desperate!

53Youd better not,’ replied Sam.

54Mr. Weller reflected for a short time, and then, buttoning up his coat with great determination, said

55Ill keep a pike.

56Wot! exclaimed Sam.

57A pike! rejoined Mr. Weller, through his set teeth; ‘Ill keep a pike. Say good-bye to your father, Samivel. I dewote the remainder of my days to a pike.’

58This threat was such an awful one, and Mr. Weller, besides appearing fully resolved to carry it into execution, seemed so deeply mortified by Mr. Pickwick’s refusal, that that gentleman, after a short reflection, said

59Well, well, Mr. Weller, I will keep your money. I can do more good with it, perhaps, than you can.

60Just the wery thing, to be sure,’ said Mr. Weller, brightening up; ‘ocourse you can, sir.

61Say no more about it,’ said Mr. Pickwick, locking the pocket-book in his desk; ‘I am heartily obliged to you, my good friend. Now sit down again. I want to ask your advice.’

62The internal laughter occasioned by the triumphant success of his visit, which had convulsed not only Mr. Weller’s face, but his arms, legs, and body also, during the locking up of the pocket-book, suddenly gave place to the most dignified gravity as he heard these words.

63Wait outside a few minutes, Sam, will you? said Mr. Pickwick.

64Sam immediately withdrew.

65Mr. Weller looked uncommonly wise and very much amazed, when Mr. Pickwick opened the discourse by saying

66You are not an advocate for matrimony, I think, Mr. Weller?

67Mr. Weller shook his head. He was wholly unable to speak; vague thoughts of some wicked widow having been successful in her designs on Mr. Pickwick, choked his utterance.

68Did you happen to see a young girl downstairs when you came in just now with your son? inquired Mr. Pickwick.

69Yes. I see a young gal,’ replied Mr. Weller shortly.

70What did you think of her, now? Candidly, Mr. Weller, what did you think of her?

71I thought she wos wery plump, and vell made,’ said Mr. Weller, with a critical air.

72So she is,’ said Mr. Pickwick, ‘so she is. What did you think of her manners, from what you saw of her?’

73‘Wery pleasant,’ rejoined Mr. Weller. ‘Wery pleasant and comformable.’

74The precise meaning which Mr. Weller attached to this last-mentioned adjective, did not appear; but, as it was evident from the tone in which he used it that it was a favourable expression, Mr. Pickwick was as well satisfied as if he had been thoroughly enlightened on the subject.

75I take a great interest in her, Mr. Weller,’ said Mr. Pickwick.

76Mr. Weller coughed.

77I mean an interest in her doing well,’ resumed Mr. Pickwick; ‘a desire that she may be comfortable and prosperous. You understand?’

78‘Wery clearly,’ replied Mr. Weller, who understood nothing yet.

79That young person,’ said Mr. Pickwick, ‘is attached to your son.’

80To Samivel Veller! exclaimed the parent.

81Yes,’ said Mr. Pickwick.

82Its nat’ral,’ said Mr. Weller, after some consideration, ‘nat’ral, but rayther alarmin’. Sammy must be careful.

83How do you mean? inquired Mr. Pickwick.

84‘Wery careful that he dont say nothin’ to her,’ responded Mr. Weller. ‘Wery careful that he ain’t led avay, in a innocent moment, to say anythin’ as may lead to a conwiction for breach. Youre never safe vith ‘em, Mr. Pickwick, ven they vunce has designs on you; theres no knowin’ vere to haveem; and vile youre a-considering of it, they have you. I wos married fust, that vay myself, Sir, and Sammy wos the consekens othe manoover.

85You give me no great encouragement to conclude what I have to say,’ observed Mr. Pickwick, ‘but I had better do so at once. This young person is not only attached to your son, Mr. Weller, but your son is attached to her.’

86‘Vell,’ said Mr. Weller, ‘this heres a pretty sort othing to come to a fathers ears, this is!

87I have observed them on several occasions,’ said Mr. Pickwick, making no comment on Mr. Weller’s last remark; ‘and entertain no doubt at all about it. Supposing I were desirous of establishing them comfortably as man and wife in some little business or situation, where they might hope to obtain a decent living, what should you think of it, Mr. Weller?’

88At first, Mr. Weller received with wry faces a proposition involving the marriage of anybody in whom he took an interest; but, as Mr. Pickwick argued the point with him, and laid great stress on the fact that Mary was not a widow, he gradually became more tractable. Mr. Pickwick had great influence over him, and he had been much struck with Marys appearance; having, in fact, bestowed several very unfatherly winks upon her, already. At length he said that it was not for him to oppose Mr. Pickwick’s inclination, and that he would be very happy to yield to his advice; upon which, Mr. Pickwick joyfully took him at his word, and called Sam back into the room.

89Sam,’ said Mr. Pickwick, clearing his throat, ‘your father and I have been having some conversation about you.’

90About you, Samivel,’ said Mr. Weller, in a patronising and impressive voice.

91I am not so blind, Sam, as not to have seen, a long time since, that you entertain something more than a friendly feeling towards Mrs. Winkles maid,’ said Mr. Pickwick.

92You hear this, Samivel? said Mr. Weller, in the same judicial form of speech as before.

93I hope, Sir,’ said Sam, addressing his master, ‘I hope theres no harm in a young man takin’ notice of a young ‘ooman as is undeniably good-looking and well-conducted.’

94Certainly not,’ said Mr. Pickwick.

95Not by no means,’ acquiesced Mr. Weller, affably but magisterially.

96So far from thinking there is anything wrong in conduct so natural,’ resumed Mr. Pickwick, ‘it is my wish to assist and promote your wishes in this respect. With this view, I have had a little conversation with your father; and finding that he is of my opinion—’

97The lady not bein’ a widder,’ interposed Mr. Weller in explanation.

98The lady not being a widow,’ said Mr. Pickwick, smiling. I wish to free you from the restraint which your present position imposes upon you, and to mark my sense of your fidelity and many excellent qualities, by enabling you to marry this girl at once, and to earn an independent livelihood for yourself and family. I shall be proud, Sam,’ said Mr. Pickwick, whose voice had faltered a little hitherto, but now resumed its customary tone, ‘proud and happy to make your future prospects in life my grateful and peculiar care.’

99There was a profound silence for a short time, and then Sam said, in a low, husky sort of voice, but firmly withal—

100Im very much obliged to you for your goodness, Sir, as is only like yourself; but it cant be done.

101Cant be done! ejaculated Mr. Pickwick in astonishment.

102‘Samivel! said Mr. Weller, with dignity.

103I say it cant be done,’ repeated Sam in a louder key. Wots to become of you, Sir?’

104My good fellow,’ replied Mr. Pickwick, ‘the recent changes among my friends will alter my mode of life in future, entirely; besides, I am growing older, and want repose and quiet. My rambles, Sam, are over.’

105How do I know thatere, sir?’ argued Sam. You think so now! Spose you wos to change your mind, vich is not unlikely, for youve the spirit ofive-and-twenty in you still, what ‘ud become on you vithout me? It cant be done, Sir, it cant be done.’

106‘Wery good, Samivel, theres a good deal in that,’ said Mr. Weller encouragingly.

107I speak after long deliberation, Sam, and with the certainty that I shall keep my word,’ said Mr. Pickwick, shaking his head. New scenes have closed upon me; my rambles are at an end.’

108‘Wery good,’ rejoined Sam. Then, thats the wery best reason wy you should alvays have somebody by you as understands you, to keep you up and make you comfortable. If you vant a more polished sort ofeller, vell and good, have him; but vages or no vages, notice or no notice, board or no board, lodgin’ or no lodgin’, Sam Veller, as you took from the old inn in the Borough, sticks by you, come what may; and let ev’rythin’ and ev’rybody do their wery fiercest, nothin’ shall ever perwent it!

109At the close of this declaration, which Sam made with great emotion, the elder Mr. Weller rose from his chair, and, forgetting all considerations of time, place, or propriety, waved his hat above his head, and gave three vehement cheers.

110My good fellow,’ said Mr. Pickwick, when Mr. Weller had sat down again, rather abashed at his own enthusiasm, ‘you are bound to consider the young woman also.’

111I do consider the young ‘ooman, Sir,’ said Sam. I have considered the young ‘ooman. Ive spoke to her. Ive told her how Im sitivated; shes ready to vait till Im ready, and I believe she vill. If she dont, shes not the young ‘ooman I take her for, and I give her up vith readiness. Youve knowd me afore, Sir. My minds made up, and nothin’ can ever alter it.

112Who could combat this resolution? Not Mr. Pickwick. He derived, at that moment, more pride and luxury of feeling from the disinterested attachment of his humble friends, than ten thousand protestations from the greatest men living could have awakened in his heart.

113While this conversation was passing in Mr. Pickwick’s room, a little old gentleman in a suit of snuff-coloured clothes, followed by a porter carrying a small portmanteau, presented himself below; and, after securing a bed for the night, inquired of the waiter whether one Mrs. Winkle was staying there, to which question the waiter of course responded in the affirmative.

114Is she alone? inquired the old gentleman.

115I believe she is, Sir,’ replied the waiter; ‘I can call her own maid, Sir, if you—’

116No, I dont want her,’ said the old gentleman quickly. Show me to her room without announcing me.’

117Eh, Sir? said the waiter.

118Are you deaf? inquired the little old gentleman.

119No, sir.

120Then listen, if you please. Can you hear me now?

121Yes, Sir.

122Thats well. Show me to Mrs. Winkles room, without announcing me.

123As the little old gentleman uttered this command, he slipped five shillings into the waiters hand, and looked steadily at him.

124Really, sir,’ said the waiter, ‘I dont know, sir, whether—’

125Ah! youll do it, I see,’ said the little old gentleman. You had better do it at once. It will save time.’

126There was something so very cool and collected in the gentlemans manner, that the waiter put the five shillings in his pocket, and led him upstairs without another word.

127This is the room, is it? said the gentleman. You may go.’

128The waiter complied, wondering much who the gentleman could be, and what he wanted; the little old gentleman, waiting till he was out of sight, tapped at the door.

129Come in,’ said Arabella.

130Um, a pretty voice, at any rate,’ murmured the little old gentleman; ‘but thats nothing.’ As he said this, he opened the door and walked in. Arabella, who was sitting at work, rose on beholding a strangera little confusedbut by no means ungracefully so.

131Pray dont rise, maam,’ said the unknown, walking in, and closing the door after him. Mrs. Winkle, I believe?’

132Arabella inclined her head.

133Mrs. Nathaniel Winkle, who married the son of the old man at Birmingham? said the stranger, eyeing Arabella with visible curiosity.

134Again Arabella inclined her head, and looked uneasily round, as if uncertain whether to call for assistance.

135I surprise you, I see, maam,’ said the old gentleman.

136Rather, I confess,’ replied Arabella, wondering more and more.

137Ill take a chair, if youll allow me, maam,’ said the stranger.

138He took one; and drawing a spectacle-case from his pocket, leisurely pulled out a pair of spectacles, which he adjusted on his nose.

139You dont know me, maam? he said, looking so intently at Arabella that she began to feel alarmed.

140No, sir,’ she replied timidly.

141No,’ said the gentleman, nursing his left leg; ‘I dont know how you should. You know my name, though, maam.’

142Do I? said Arabella, trembling, though she scarcely knew why. May I ask what it is?’

143Presently, maam, presently,’ said the stranger, not having yet removed his eyes from her countenance. You have been recently married, maam?’

144I have,’ replied Arabella, in a scarcely audible tone, laying aside her work, and becoming greatly agitated as a thought, that had occurred to her before, struck more forcibly upon her mind.

145Without having represented to your husband the propriety of first consulting his father, on whom he is dependent, I think? said the stranger.

146Arabella applied her handkerchief to her eyes.

147Without an endeavour, even, to ascertain, by some indirect appeal, what were the old mans sentiments on a point in which he would naturally feel much interested? said the stranger.

148I cannot deny it, Sir,’ said Arabella.

149And without having sufficient property of your own to afford your husband any permanent assistance in exchange for the worldly advantages which you knew he would have gained if he had married agreeably to his fathers wishes? said the old gentleman. This is what boys and girls call disinterested affection, till they have boys and girls of their own, and then they see it in a rougher and very different light!’

150Arabellas tears flowed fast, as she pleaded in extenuation that she was young and inexperienced; that her attachment had alone induced her to take the step to which she had resorted; and that she had been deprived of the counsel and guidance of her parents almost from infancy.

151It was wrong,’ said the old gentleman in a milder tone, ‘very wrong. It was romantic, unbusinesslike, foolish.’

152It was my fault; all my fault, Sir,’ replied poor Arabella, weeping.

153Nonsense,’ said the old gentleman; ‘it was not your fault that he fell in love with you, I suppose? Yes it was, though,’ said the old gentleman, looking rather slily at Arabella. It was your fault. He couldn’t help it.’

154This little compliment, or the little gentlemans odd way of paying it, or his altered mannerso much kinder than it was, at firstor all three together, forced a smile from Arabella in the midst of her tears.

155Wheres your husband? inquired the old gentleman, abruptly; stopping a smile which was just coming over his own face.

156I expect him every instant, sir,’ said Arabella. I persuaded him to take a walk this morning. He is very low and wretched at not having heard from his father.’

157Low, is he? said the old gentlemen. Serve him right!’

158He feels it on my account, I am afraid,’ said Arabella; ‘and indeed, Sir, I feel it deeply on his. I have been the sole means of bringing him to his present condition.’

159Dont mind it on his account, my dear,’ said the old gentleman. It serves him right. I am glad of itactually glad of it, as far as he is concerned.’

160The words were scarcely out of the old gentlemans lips, when footsteps were heard ascending the stairs, which he and Arabella seemed both to recognise at the same moment. The little gentleman turned pale; and, making a strong effort to appear composed, stood up, as Mr. Winkle entered the room.

161Father! cried Mr. Winkle, recoiling in amazement.

162Yes, sir,’ replied the little old gentleman. Well, Sir, what have you got to say to me?’

163Mr. Winkle remained silent.

164You are ashamed of yourself, I hope, Sir? said the old gentleman.

165Still Mr. Winkle said nothing.

166Are you ashamed of yourself, Sir, or are you not? inquired the old gentleman.

167No, Sir,’ replied Mr. Winkle, drawing Arabellas arm through his. I am not ashamed of myself, or of my wife either.’

168Upon my word! cried the old gentleman ironically.

169I am very sorry to have done anything which has lessened your affection for me, Sir,’ said Mr. Winkle; ‘but I will say, at the same time, that I have no reason to be ashamed of having this lady for my wife, nor you of having her for a daughter.’

170Give me your hand, Nat,’ said the old gentleman, in an altered voice. Kiss me, my love. You are a very charming little daughter-in-law after all!’

171In a few minutestime Mr. Winkle went in search of Mr. Pickwick, and returning with that gentleman, presented him to his father, whereupon they shook hands for five minutes incessantly.

172Mr. Pickwick, I thank you most heartily for all your kindness to my son,’ said old Mr. Winkle, in a bluff, straightforward way. I am a hasty fellow, and when I saw you last, I was vexed and taken by surprise. I have judged for myself now, and am more than satisfied. Shall I make any more apologies, Mr. Pickwick?’

173Not one,’ replied that gentleman. You have done the only thing wanting to complete my happiness.’

174Hereupon there was another shaking of hands for five minutes longer, accompanied by a great number of complimentary speeches, which, besides being complimentary, had the additional and very novel recommendation of being sincere.

175Sam had dutifully seen his father to the Belle Sauvage, when, on returning, he encountered the fat boy in the court, who had been charged with the delivery of a note from Emily Wardle.

176I say,’ said Joe, who was unusually loquacious, ‘what a pretty girl Mary is, isn’t she? I am so fond of her, I am!’

177Mr. Weller made no verbal remark in reply; but eyeing the fat boy for a moment, quite transfixed at his presumption, led him by the collar to the corner, and dismissed him with a harmless but ceremonious kick. After which, he walked home, whistling.