27. CHAPTER 27 ON THE SAND BAR

Anne's House of Dreams / 梦中小屋的安妮

1Owen Ford left Four Winds the next morning. In the evening Anne went over to see Leslie, but found nobody. The house was locked and there was no light in any window. It looked like a home left soulless. Leslie did not run over on the following daywhich Anne thought a bad sign.

2Gilbert having occasion to go in the evening to the fishing cove, Anne drove with him to the Point, intending to stay awhile with Captain Jim. But the great light, cutting its swathes through the fog of the autumn evening, was in care of Alec Boyd and Captain Jim was away.

3What will you do?” asked Gilbert. Come with me?”

4I dont want to go to the covebut Ill go over the channel with you, and roam about on the sand shore till you come back. The rock shore is too slippery and grim tonight.”

5Alone on the sands of the bar Anne gave herself up to the eerie charm of the night. It was warm for September, and the late afternoon had been very foggy; but a full moon had in part lessened the fog and transformed the harbor and the gulf and the surrounding shores into a strange, fantastic, unreal world of pale silver mist, through which everything loomed phantom-like. Captain Josiah Crawford’s black schooner sailing down the channel, laden with potatoes for Bluenose ports, was a spectral ship bound for a far uncharted land, ever receding, never to be reached. The calls of unseen gulls overhead were the cries of the souls of doomed seamen. The little curls of foam that blew across the sand were elfin things stealing up from the sea-caves. The big, round-shouldered sand-dunes were the sleeping giants of some old northern tale. The lights that glimmered palely across the harbor were the delusive beacons on some coast of fairyland. Anne pleased herself with a hundred fancies as she wandered through the mist. It was delightfulromanticmysterious to be roaming here alone on this enchanted shore.

6But was she alone? Something loomed in the mist before hertook shape and formsuddenly moved towards her across the wave-rippled sand.

7Leslie!” exclaimed Anne in amazement. Whatever are you doingHEREtonight?”

8If it comes to that, whatever are YOU doing here?” said Leslie, trying to laugh. The effort was a failure. She looked very pale and tired; but the love locks under her scarlet cap were curling about her face and eyes like little sparkling rings of gold.

9Im waiting for Gilberthes over at the Cove. I intended to stay at the light, but Captain Jim is away.”

10Well, I came here because I wanted to walkand walkand WALK,” said Leslie restlessly. I couldn’t on the rock shorethe tide was too high and the rocks prisoned me. I had to come hereor I should have gone mad, I think. I rowed myself over the channel in Captain Jims flat. Ive been here for an hour. Comecomelet us walk. I cant stand still. Oh, Anne!”

11Leslie, dearest, what is the trouble?” asked Anne, though she knew too well already.

12I cant tell youdont ask me. I wouldn’t mind your knowingI wish you did knowbut I cant tell youI cant tell anyone. Ive been such a fool, Anneand oh, it hurts so terribly to be a fool. Theres nothing so painful in the world.”

13She laughed bitterly. Anne slipped her arm around her.

14Leslie, is it that you have learned to care for Mr. Ford?”

15Leslie turned herself about passionately.

16How did you know?” she cried. Anne, how did you know? Oh, is it written in my face for everyone to see? Is it as plain as that?”

17No, no. II cant tell you how I knew. It just came into my mind, somehow. Leslie, dont look at me like that!”

18Do you despise me?” demanded Leslie in a fierce, low tone. Do you think Im wicked—unwomanly? Or do you think Im just plain fool?”

19I dont think you any of those things. Come, dear, lets just talk it over sensibly, as we might talk over any other of the great crises of life. Youve been brooding over it and let yourself drift into a morbid view of it. You know you have a little tendency to do that about everything that goes wrong, and you promised me that you would fight against it.”

20Butoh, its soso shameful,” murmured Leslie. To love him—unsought—and when Im not free to love anybody.”

21Theres nothing shameful about it. But Im very sorry that you have learned to care for Owen, because, as things are, it will only make you more unhappy.”

22I didn’t LEARN to care,” said Leslie, walking on and speaking passionately. If it had been like that I could have prevented it. I never dreamed of such a thing until that day, a week ago, when he told me he had finished his book and must soon go away. Thenthen I knew. I felt as if someone had struck me a terrible blow. I didn’t say anythingI couldn’t speakbut I dont know what I looked like. Im so afraid my face betrayed me. Oh, I would die of shame if I thought he knewor suspected.”

23Anne was miserably silent, hampered by her deductions from her conversation with Owen. Leslie went on feverishly, as if she found relief in speech.

24I was so happy all this summer, Annehappier than I ever was in my life. I thought it was because everything had been made clear between you and me, and that it was our friendship which made life seem so beautiful and full once more. And it WAS, in partbut not alloh, not nearly all. I know now why everything was so different. And now its all overand he has gone. How can I live, Anne? When I turned back into the house this morning after he had gone the solitude struck me like a blow in the face.”

25It wont seem so hard by and by, dear,” said Anne, who always felt the pain of her friends so keenly that she could not speak easy, fluent words of comforting. Besides, she remembered how well-meant speeches had hurt her in her own sorrow and was afraid.

26Oh, it seems to me it will grow harder all the time,” said Leslie miserably. Ive nothing to look forward to. Morning will come after morningand he will not come backhe will never come back. Oh, when I think that I will never see him again I feel as if a great brutal hand had twisted itself among my heartstrings, and was wrenching them. Once, long ago, I dreamed of loveand I thought it must be beautifuland NOWits like THIS. When he went away yesterday morning he was so cold and indifferent. He said 'Good-bye, Mrs. Moorein the coldest tone in the worldas if we had not even been friendsas if I meant absolutely nothing to him. I know I dontI didn’t want him to carebut he MIGHT have been a little kinder.”

27Oh, I wish Gilbert would come,” thought Anne. She was racked between her sympathy for Leslie and the necessity of avoiding anything that would betray Owens confidence. She knew why his good-bye had been so coldwhy it could not have the cordiality that their good-comradeship demandedbut she could not tell Leslie.

28I couldn’t help it, AnneI couldn’t help it,” said poor Leslie.

29I know that.”

30Do you blame me so very much?”

31I dont blame you at all.”

32And you wontyou wont tell Gilbert?”

33Leslie! Do you think I would do such a thing?”

34Oh, I dont knowyou and Gilbert are such CHUMS. I dont see how you could help telling him everything.”

35Everything about my own concernsyes. But not my friendssecrets.”

36I couldn’t have HIM know. But Im glad YOU know. I would feel guilty if there were anything I was ashamed to tell you. I hope Miss Cornelia wont find out. Sometimes I feel as if those terrible, kind brown eyes of hers read my very soul. Oh, I wish this mist would never liftI wish I could just stay in it forever, hidden away from every living being. I dont see how I can go on with life. This summer has been so full. I never was lonely for a moment. Before Owen came there used to be horrible momentswhen I had been with you and Gilbertand then had to leave you. You two would walk away together and I would walk away ALONE. After Owen came he was always there to walk home with mewe would laugh and talk as you and Gilbert were doingthere were no more lonely, envious moments for me. And NOW! Oh, yes, Ive been a fool. Lets have done talking about my folly. Ill never bore you with it again.”

37Here is Gilbert, and you are coming back with us,” said Anne, who had no intention of leaving Leslie to wander alone on the sand-bar on such a night and in such a mood. Theres plenty of room in our boat for three, and well tie the flat on behind.”

38Oh, I suppose I must reconcile myself to being the odd one again,” said poor Leslie with another bitter laugh. Forgive me, Annethat was hateful. I ought to be thankfuland I AMthat I have two good friends who are glad to count me in as a third. Dont mind my hateful speeches. I just seem to be one great pain all over and everything hurts me.”

39Leslie seemed very quiet tonight, didn’t she?” said Gilbert, when he and Anne reached home. What in the world was she doing over there on the bar alone?”

40Oh, she was tiredand you know she likes to go to the shore after one of Dicks bad days.”

41What a pity she hadn’t met and married a fellow like Ford long ago,” ruminated Gilbert. Theyd have made an ideal couple, wouldn’t they?”

42For pitys sake, Gilbert, dont develop into a match-maker. Its an abominable profession for a man,” cried Anne rather sharply, afraid that Gilbert might blunder on the truth if he kept on in this strain.

43Bless us, Anne-girl, Im not matchmaking,” protested Gilbert, rather surprised at her tone. I was only thinking of one of the might-have-beens.”

44Well, dont. Its a waste of time,” said Anne. Then she added suddenly:

45Oh, Gilbert, I wish everybody could be as happy as we are.”