73. Chapter IV. A Hymn And A Secret

The Brothers Karamazov / 卡拉马佐夫兄弟

1It was quite late (days are short in November) when Alyosha rang at the prison gate. It was beginning to get dusk. But Alyosha knew that he would be admitted without difficulty. Things were managed in our little town, as everywhere else. At first, of course, on the conclusion of the preliminary inquiry, relations and a few other persons could only obtain interviews with Mitya by going through certain inevitable formalities. But later, though the formalities were not relaxed, exceptions were made for some, at least, of Mitya’s visitors. So much so, that sometimes the interviews with the prisoner in the room set aside for the purpose were practically tête‐à‐tête.

2These exceptions, however, were few in number; only Grushenka, Alyosha and Rakitin were treated like this. But the captain of the police, Mihail Mihailovitch, was very favorably disposed to Grushenka. His abuse of her at Mokroe weighed on the old mans conscience, and when he learned the whole story, he completely changed his view of her. And strange to say, though he was firmly persuaded of his guilt, yet after Mitya was once in prison, the old man came to take a more and more lenient view of him. “He was a man of good heart, perhaps,” he thought, “who had come to grief from drinking and dissipation.” His first horror had been succeeded by pity. As for Alyosha, the police captain was very fond of him and had known him for a long time. Rakitin, who had of late taken to coming very often to see the prisoner, was one of the most intimate acquaintances of thepolice captains young ladies,” as he called them, and was always hanging about their house. He gave lessons in the house of the prison superintendent, too, who, though scrupulous in the performance of his duties, was a kindhearted old man. Alyosha, again, had an intimate acquaintance of long standing with the superintendent, who was fond of talking to him, generally on sacred subjects. He respected Ivan Fyodorovitch, and stood in awe of his opinion, though he was a great philosopher himself; “selftaught,” of course. But Alyosha had an irresistible attraction for him. During the last year the old man had taken to studying the Apocryphal Gospels, and constantly talked over his impressions with his young friend. He used to come and see him in the monastery and discussed for hours together with him and with the monks. So even if Alyosha were late at the prison, he had only to go to the superintendent and everything was made easy. Besides, every one in the prison, down to the humblest warder, had grown used to Alyosha. The sentry, of course, did not trouble him so long as the authorities were satisfied.

3When Mitya was summoned from his cell, he always went downstairs, to the place set aside for interviews. As Alyosha entered the room he came upon Rakitin, who was just taking leave of Mitya. They were both talking loudly. Mitya was laughing heartily as he saw him out, while Rakitin seemed grumbling. Rakitin did not like meeting Alyosha, especially of late. He scarcely spoke to him, and bowed to him stiffly. Seeing Alyosha enter now, he frowned and looked away, as though he were entirely absorbed in buttoning his big, warm, furtrimmed overcoat. Then he began looking at once for his umbrella.

4I must mind not to forget my belongings,” he muttered, simply to say something.

5Mind you dont forget other peoples belongings,” said Mitya, as a joke, and laughed at once at his own wit. Rakitin fired up instantly.

6Youd better give that advice to your own family, whove always been a slavedriving lot, and not to Rakitin,” he cried, suddenly trembling with anger.

7Whats the matter? I was joking,” cried Mitya. Damn it all! They are all like that,” he turned to Alyosha, nodding towards Rakitin’s hurriedly retreating figure. He was sitting here, laughing and cheerful, and all at once he boils up like that. He didn’t even nod to you. Have you broken with him completely? Why are you so late? Ive not been simply waiting, but thirsting for you the whole morning. But never mind. Well make up for it now.”

8Why does he come here so often? Surely you are not such great friends?” asked Alyosha. He, too, nodded at the door through which Rakitin had disappeared.

9Great friends with Rakitin? No, not as much as that. Is it likelya pig like that? He considers I am ... a blackguard. They cant understand a joke either, thats the worst of such people. They never understand a joke, and their souls are dry, dry and flat; they remind me of prison walls when I was first brought here. But he is a clever fellow, very clever. Well, Alexey, its all over with me now.”

10He sat down on the bench and made Alyosha sit down beside him.

11Yes, the trials tomorrow. Are you so hopeless, brother?” Alyosha said, with an apprehensive feeling.

12What are you talking about?” said Mitya, looking at him rather uncertainly. Oh, you mean the trial! Damn it all! Till now weve been talking of things that dont matter, about this trial, but I havent said a word to you about the chief thing. Yes, the trial is tomorrow; but it wasn’t the trial I meant, when I said it was all over with me. Why do you look at me so critically?”

13What do you mean, Mitya?”

14Ideas, ideas, thats all! Ethics! What is ethics?”

15Ethics?” asked Alyosha, wondering.

16Yes; is it a science?”

17Yes, there is such a science ... but ... I confess I cant explain to you what sort of science it is.”

18“Rakitin knows. Rakitin knows a lot, damn him! Hes not going to be a monk. He means to go to Petersburg. There hell go in for criticism of an elevating tendency. Who knows, he may be of use and make his own career, too. Ough! they are firstrate, these people, at making a career! Damn ethics, I am done for, Alexey, I am, you man of God! I love you more than any one. It makes my heart yearn to look at you. Who was Karl Bernard?”

19“Karl Bernard?” Alyosha was surprised again.

20No, not Karl. Stay, I made a mistake. Claude Bernard. What was he? Chemist or what?”

21He must be a savant,” answered Alyosha; “but I confess I cant tell you much about him, either. Ive heard of him as a savant, but what sort I dont know.”

22Well, damn him, then! I dont know either,” swore Mitya. A scoundrel of some sort, most likely. They are all scoundrels. And Rakitin will make his way. Rakitin will get on anywhere; he is another Bernard. Ugh, these Bernards! They are all over the place.”

23But what is the matter?” Alyosha asked insistently.

24He wants to write an article about me, about my case, and so begin his literary career. Thats what he comes for; he said so himself. He wants to prove some theory. He wants to sayhe couldn’t help murdering his father, he was corrupted by his environment,’ and so on. He explained it all to me. He is going to put in a tinge of Socialism, he says. But there, damn the fellow, he can put in a tinge if he likes, I dont care. He cant bear Ivan, he hates him. Hes not fond of you, either. But I dont turn him out, for he is a clever fellow. Awfully conceited, though. I said to him just now, ‘The Karamazovs are not blackguards, but philosophers; for all true Russians are philosophers, and though youve studied, you are not a philosopheryou are a low fellow.’ He laughed, so maliciously. And I said to him, ‘De ideabus non est disputandum.’ Isn’t that rather good? I can set up for being a classic, you see!” Mitya laughed suddenly.

25Why is it all over with you? You said so just now,” Alyosha interposed.

26Why is it all over with me? Hm!... The fact of it is ... if you take it as a whole, I am sorry to lose Godthats why it is.”

27What do you mean bysorry to lose God’?”

28Imagine: inside, in the nerves, in the headthat is, these nerves are there in the brain ... (damn them!) there are sort of little tails, the little tails of those nerves, and as soon as they begin quivering ... that is, you see, I look at something with my eyes and then they begin quivering, those little tails ... and when they quiver, then an image appears ... it doesn’t appear at once, but an instant, a second, passes ... and then something like a moment appears; that is, not a momentdevil take the moment!—but an image; that is, an object, or an action, damn it! Thats why I see and then think, because of those tails, not at all because Ive got a soul, and that I am some sort of image and likeness. All that is nonsense! Rakitin explained it all to me yesterday, brother, and it simply bowled me over. Its magnificent, Alyosha, this science! A new mans arisingthat I understand.... And yet I am sorry to lose God!”

29Well, thats a good thing, anyway,” said Alyosha.

30That I am sorry to lose God? Its chemistry, brother, chemistry! Theres no help for it, your reverence, you must make way for chemistry. And Rakitin does dislike God. Ough! doesn’t he dislike Him! Thats the sore point with all of them. But they conceal it. They tell lies. They pretend. ‘Will you preach this in your reviews?’ I asked him. ‘Oh, well, if I did it openly, they wont let it through,’ he said. He laughed. ‘But what will become of men then?’ I asked him, ‘without God and immortal life? All things are lawful then, they can do what they like?’ ‘Didn’t you know?’ he said laughing, ‘a clever man can do what he likes,’ he said. ‘A clever man knows his way about, but youve put your foot in it, committing a murder, and now you are rotting in prison.’ He says that to my face! A regular pig! I used to kick such people out, but now I listen to them. He talks a lot of sense, too. Writes well. He began reading me an article last week. I copied out three lines of it. Wait a minute. Here it is.”

31Mitya hurriedly pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket and read:

32“ ‘In order to determine this question, it is above all essential to put ones personality in contradiction to ones reality.’ Do you understand that?”

33No, I dont,” said Alyosha. He looked at Mitya and listened to him with curiosity.

34I dont understand either. Its dark and obscure, but intellectual. ‘Every one writes like that now,’ he says, ‘its the effect of their environment.’ They are afraid of the environment. He writes poetry, too, the rascal. Hes written in honor of Madame Hohlakov’s foot. Ha ha ha!”

35Ive heard about it,” said Alyosha.

36Have you? And have you heard the poem?”

37No.”

38Ive got it. Here it is. Ill read it to you. You dont knowI havent told youtheres quite a story about it. Hes a rascal! Three weeks ago he began to tease me. Youve got yourself into a mess, like a fool, for the sake of three thousand, but Im going to collar a hundred and fifty thousand. I am going to marry a widow and buy a house in Petersburg.’ And he told me he was courting Madame Hohlakov. She hadn’t much brains in her youth, and now at forty she has lost what she had. But shes awfully sentimental,’ he says; ‘thats how I shall get hold of her. When I marry her, I shall take her to Petersburg and there I shall start a newspaper.’ And his mouth was simply watering, the beast, not for the widow, but for the hundred and fifty thousand. And he made me believe it. He came to see me every day. She is coming round,’ he declared. He was beaming with delight. And then, all of a sudden, he was turned out of the house. Perhotin’s carrying everything before him, bravo! I could kiss the silly old noodle for turning him out of the house. And he had written this doggerel. Its the first time Ive soiled my hands with writing poetry,’ he said. Its to win her heart, so its in a good cause. When I get hold of the silly womans fortune, I can be of great social utility.’ They have this social justification for every nasty thing they do! Anyway its better than your Pushkin’s poetry,’ he said, ‘for Ive managed to advocate enlightenment even in that.’ I understand what he means about Pushkin, I quite see that, if he really was a man of talent and only wrote about womens feet. But wasn’t Rakitin stuck up about his doggerel! The vanity of these fellows! On the convalescence of the swollen foot of the object of my affections’—he thought of that for a title. Hes a waggish fellow.

39A captivating little foot,

40Though swollen and red and tender!

41The doctors come and plasters put,

42But still they cannot mend her.

43Yet, ’tis not for her foot I dread

44A theme for Pushkin’s muse more fit

45Its not her foot, it is her head:

46I tremble for her loss of wit!

47For as her foot swells, strange to say,

48Her intellect is on the wane

49Oh, for some remedy I pray

50That may restore both foot and brain!

51He is a pig, a regular pig, but hes very arch, the rascal! And he really has put in a progressive idea. And wasn’t he angry when she kicked him out! He was gnashing his teeth!

52Hes taken his revenge already,” said Alyosha. Hes written a paragraph about Madame Hohlakov.”

53And Alyosha told him briefly about the paragraph in Gossip.

54Thats his doing, thats his doing!” Mitya assented, frowning. Thats him! These paragraphs ... I know ... the insulting things that have been written about Grushenka, for instance.... And about Katya, too.... Hm!”

55He walked across the room with a harassed air.

56Brother, I cannot stay long,” Alyosha said, after a pause. Tomorrow will be a great and awful day for you, the judgment of God will be accomplished ... I am amazed at you, you walk about here, talking of I dont know what ...”

57No, dont be amazed at me,” Mitya broke in warmly. Am I to talk of that stinking dog? Of the murderer? Weve talked enough of him. I dont want to say more of the stinking son of Stinking Lizaveta! God will kill him, you will see. Hush!”

58He went up to Alyosha excitedly and kissed him. His eyes glowed.

59“Rakitin wouldn’t understand it,” he began in a sort of exaltation; “but you, youll understand it all. Thats why I was thirsting for you. You see, theres so much Ive been wanting to tell you for ever so long, here, within these peeling walls, but I havent said a word about what matters most; the moment never seems to have come. Now I can wait no longer. I must pour out my heart to you. Brother, these last two months Ive found in myself a new man. A new man has risen up in me. He was hidden in me, but would never have come to the surface, if it hadn’t been for this blow from heaven. I am afraid! And what do I care if I spend twenty years in the mines, breaking ore with a hammer? I am not a bit afraid of thatits something else I am afraid of now: that that new man may leave me. Even there, in the mines, underground, I may find a human heart in another convict and murderer by my side, and I may make friends with him, for even there one may live and love and suffer. One may thaw and revive a frozen heart in that convict, one may wait upon him for years, and at last bring up from the dark depths a lofty soul, a feeling, suffering creature; one may bring forth an angel, create a hero! There are so many of them, hundreds of them, and we are all to blame for them. Why was it I dreamed of thatbabeat such a moment? ‘Why is the babe so poor?’ That was a sign to me at that moment. Its for the babe Im going. Because we are all responsible for all. For all thebabes,’ for there are big children as well as little children. All arebabes.’ I go for all, because some one must go for all. I didn’t kill father, but Ive got to go. I accept it. Its all come to me here, here, within these peeling walls. There are numbers of them there, hundreds of them underground, with hammers in their hands. Oh, yes, we shall be in chains and there will be no freedom, but then, in our great sorrow, we shall rise again to joy, without which man cannot live nor God exist, for God gives joy: its His privilegea grand one. Ah, man should be dissolved in prayer! What should I be underground there without God? Rakitin’s laughing! If they drive God from the earth, we shall shelter Him underground. One cannot exist in prison without God; its even more impossible than out of prison. And then we men underground will sing from the bowels of the earth a glorious hymn to God, with Whom is joy. Hail to God and His joy! I love Him!”

60Mitya was almost gasping for breath as he uttered his wild speech. He turned pale, his lips quivered, and tears rolled down his cheeks.

61Yes, life is full, there is life even underground,” he began again. You wouldn’t believe, Alexey, how I want to live now, what a thirst for existence and consciousness has sprung up in me within these peeling walls. Rakitin doesn’t understand that; all he cares about is building a house and letting flats. But Ive been longing for you. And what is suffering? I am not afraid of it, even if it were beyond reckoning. I am not afraid of it now. I was afraid of it before. Do you know, perhaps I wont answer at the trial at all.... And I seem to have such strength in me now, that I think I could stand anything, any suffering, only to be able to say and to repeat to myself every moment, ‘I exist.’ In thousands of agoniesI exist. Im tormented on the rackbut I exist! Though I sit alone on a pillarI exist! I see the sun, and if I dont see the sun, I know its there. And theres a whole life in that, in knowing that the sun is there. Alyosha, my angel, all these philosophies are the death of me. Damn them! Brother Ivan—”

62What of brother Ivan?” interrupted Alyosha, but Mitya did not hear.

63You see, I never had any of these doubts before, but it was all hidden away in me. It was perhaps just because ideas I did not understand were surging up in me, that I used to drink and fight and rage. It was to stifle them in myself, to still them, to smother them. Ivan is not Rakitin, there is an idea in him. Ivan is a sphinx and is silent; he is always silent. Its God thats worrying me. Thats the only thing thats worrying me. What if He doesn’t exist? What if Rakitin’s rightthat its an idea made up by men? Then if He doesn’t exist, man is the chief of the earth, of the universe. Magnificent! Only how is he going to be good without God? Thats the question. I always come back to that. For whom is man going to love then? To whom will he be thankful? To whom will he sing the hymn? Rakitin laughs. Rakitin says that one can love humanity without God. Well, only a sniveling idiot can maintain that. I cant understand it. Lifes easy for Rakitin. ‘Youd better think about the extension of civic rights, or even of keeping down the price of meat. You will show your love for humanity more simply and directly by that, than by philosophy.’ I answered him, ‘Well, but you, without a God, are more likely to raise the price of meat, if it suits you, and make a rouble on every copeck.’ He lost his temper. But after all, what is goodness? Answer me that, Alexey. Goodness is one thing with me and another with a Chinaman, so its a relative thing. Or isn’t it? Is it not relative? A treacherous question! You wont laugh if I tell you its kept me awake two nights. I only wonder now how people can live and think nothing about it. Vanity! Ivan has no God. He has an idea. Its beyond me. But he is silent. I believe he is a freemason. I asked him, but he is silent. I wanted to drink from the springs of his soulhe was silent. But once he did drop a word.”

64What did he say?” Alyosha took it up quickly.

65I said to him, ‘Then everything is lawful, if it is so?’ He frowned. ‘Fyodor Pavlovitch, our papa,’ he said, ‘was a pig, but his ideas were right enough.’ That was what he dropped. That was all he said. That was going one better than Rakitin.”

66Yes,” Alyosha assented bitterly. When was he with you?”

67Of that later; now I must speak of something else. I have said nothing about Ivan to you before. I put it off to the last. When my business here is over and the verdict has been given, then Ill tell you something. Ill tell you everything. Weve something tremendous on hand.... And you shall be my judge in it. But dont begin about that now; be silent. You talk of tomorrow, of the trial; but, would you believe it, I know nothing about it.”

68Have you talked to the counsel?”

69Whats the use of the counsel? I told him all about it. Hes a soft, citybred roguea Bernard! But he doesn’t believe menot a bit of it. Only imagine, he believes I did it. I see it. ‘In that case,’ I asked him, ‘why have you come to defend me?’ Hang them all! Theyve got a doctor down, too, want to prove Im mad. I wont have that! Katerina Ivanovna wants to do herdutyto the end, whatever the strain!” Mitya smiled bitterly. “The cat! Hardhearted creature! She knows that I said of her at Mokroe that she was a woman ofgreat wrath.’ They repeated it. Yes, the facts against me have grown numerous as the sands of the sea. Grigory sticks to his point. Grigory’s honest, but a fool. Many people are honest because they are fools: thats Rakitin’s idea. Grigory’s my enemy. And there are some people who are better as foes than friends. I mean Katerina Ivanovna. I am afraid, oh, I am afraid she will tell how she bowed to the ground after that four thousand. Shell pay it back to the last farthing. I dont want her sacrifice; theyll put me to shame at the trial. I wonder how I can stand it. Go to her, Alyosha, ask her not to speak of that in the court, cant you? But damn it all, it doesn’t matter! I shall get through somehow. I dont pity her. Its her own doing. She deserves what she gets. I shall have my own story to tell, Alexey.” He smiled bitterly again. Only ... only Grusha, Grusha! Good Lord! Why should she have such suffering to bear?” he exclaimed suddenly, with tears. “Grusha’s killing me; the thought of hers killing me, killing me. She was with me just now....”

70She told me she was very much grieved by you today.”

71I know. Confound my temper! It was jealousy. I was sorry, I kissed her as she was going. I didn’t ask her forgiveness.”

72Why didn’t you?” exclaimed Alyosha.

73Suddenly Mitya laughed almost mirthfully.

74God preserve you, my dear boy, from ever asking forgiveness for a fault from a woman you love. From one you love especially, however greatly you may have been in fault. For a womandevil only knows what to make of a woman! I know something about them, anyway. But try acknowledging you are in fault to a woman. Say, ‘I am sorry, forgive me,’ and a shower of reproaches will follow! Nothing will make her forgive you simply and directly, shell humble you to the dust, bring forward things that have never happened, recall everything, forget nothing, add something of her own, and only then forgive you. And even the best, the best of them do it. Shell scrape up all the scrapings and load them on your head. They are ready to flay you alive, I tell you, every one of them, all these angels without whom we cannot live! I tell you plainly and openly, dear boy, every decent man ought to be under some womans thumb. Thats my convictionnot conviction, but feeling. A man ought to be magnanimous, and its no disgrace to a man! No disgrace to a hero, not even a Cæsar! But dont ever beg her pardon all the same for anything. Remember that rule given you by your brother Mitya, whos come to ruin through women. No, Id better make it up to Grusha somehow, without begging pardon. I worship her, Alexey, worship her. Only she doesn’t see it. No, she still thinks I dont love her enough. And she tortures me, tortures me with her love. The past was nothing! In the past it was only those infernal curves of hers that tortured me, but now Ive taken all her soul into my soul and through her Ive become a man myself. Will they marry us? If they dont, I shall die of jealousy. I imagine something every day.... What did she say to you about me?”

75Alyosha repeated all Grushenka had said to him that day. Mitya listened, made him repeat things, and seemed pleased.

76Then she is not angry at my being jealous?” he exclaimed. She is a regular woman! ‘Ive a fierce heart myself!’ Ah, I love such fierce hearts, though I cant bear any ones being jealous of me. I cant endure it. We shall fight. But I shall love her, I shall love her infinitely. Will they marry us? Do they let convicts marry? Thats the question. And without her I cant exist....”

77Mitya walked frowning across the room. It was almost dark. He suddenly seemed terribly worried.

78So theres a secret, she says, a secret? We have got up a plot against her, and Katya is mixed up in it, she thinks. No, my good Grushenka, thats not it. You are very wide of the mark, in your foolish feminine way. Alyosha, darling, well, here goes! Ill tell you our secret!”

79He looked round, went close up quickly to Alyosha, who was standing before him, and whispered to him with an air of mystery, though in reality no one could hear them: the old warder was dozing in the corner, and not a word could reach the ears of the soldiers on guard.

80I will tell you all our secret,” Mitya whispered hurriedly. I meant to tell you later, for how could I decide on anything without you? You are everything to me. Though I say that Ivan is superior to us, you are my angel. Its your decision will decide it. Perhaps its you that is superior and not Ivan. You see, its a question of conscience, question of the higher consciencethe secret is so important that I cant settle it myself, and Ive put it off till I could speak to you. But anyway its too early to decide now, for we must wait for the verdict. As soon as the verdict is given, you shall decide my fate. Dont decide it now. Ill tell you now. You listen, but dont decide. Stand and keep quiet. I wont tell you everything. Ill only tell you the idea, without details, and you keep quiet. Not a question, not a movement. You agree? But, goodness, what shall I do with your eyes? Im afraid your eyes will tell me your decision, even if you dont speak. Oo! Im afraid! Alyosha, listen! Ivan suggests my escaping. I wont tell you the details: its all been thought out: it can all be arranged. Hush, dont decide. I should go to America with Grusha. You know I cant live without Grusha! What if they wont let her follow me to Siberia? Do they let convicts get married? Ivan thinks not. And without Grusha what should I do there underground with a hammer? I should only smash my skull with the hammer! But, on the other hand, my conscience? I should have run away from suffering. A sign has come, I reject the sign. I have a way of salvation and I turn my back on it. Ivan says that in America, ‘with the goodwill,’ I can be of more use than underground. But what becomes of our hymn from underground? Whats America? America is vanity again! And theres a lot of swindling in America, too, I expect. I should have run away from crucifixion! I tell you, you know, Alexey, because you are the only person who can understand this. Theres no one else. Its folly, madness to others, all Ive told you of the hymn. Theyll say Im out of my mind or a fool. I am not out of my mind and I am not a fool. Ivan understands about the hymn, too. He understands, only he doesn’t answerhe doesn’t speak. He doesn’t believe in the hymn. Dont speak, dont speak. I see how you look! You have already decided. Dont decide, spare me! I cant live without Grusha. Wait till after the trial!”

81Mitya ended beside himself. He held Alyosha with both hands on his shoulders, and his yearning, feverish eyes were fixed on his brothers.

82They dont let convicts marry, do they?” he repeated for the third time in a supplicating voice.

83Alyosha listened with extreme surprise and was deeply moved.

84Tell me one thing,” he said. Is Ivan very keen on it, and whose idea was it?”

85His, his, and he is very keen on it. He didn’t come to see me at first, then he suddenly came a week ago and he began about it straight away. He is awfully keen on it. He doesn’t ask me, but orders me to escape. He doesn’t doubt of my obeying him, though I showed him all my heart as I have to you, and told him about the hymn, too. He told me hed arrange it; hes found out about everything. But of that later. Hes simply set on it. Its all a matter of money: hell pay ten thousand for escape and give me twenty thousand for America. And he says we can arrange a magnificent escape for ten thousand.”

86And he told you on no account to tell me?” Alyosha asked again.

87To tell no one, and especially not you; on no account to tell you. He is afraid, no doubt, that youll stand before me as my conscience. Dont tell him I told you. Dont tell him, for anything.”

88You are right,” Alyosha pronounced; “its impossible to decide anything before the trial is over. After the trial youll decide of yourself. Then youll find that new man in yourself and he will decide.”

89A new man, or a Bernard wholl decide à la Bernard, for I believe Im a contemptible Bernard myself,” said Mitya, with a bitter grin.

90But, brother, have you no hope then of being acquitted?”

91Mitya shrugged his shoulders nervously and shook his head. “Alyosha, darling, its time you were going,” he said, with a sudden haste. Theres the superintendent shouting in the yard. Hell be here directly. We are late; its irregular. Embrace me quickly. Kiss me! Sign me with the cross, darling, for the cross I have to bear tomorrow.”

92They embraced and kissed.

93Ivan,” said Mitya suddenly, “suggests my escaping; but, of course, he believes I did it.”

94A mournful smile came on to his lips.

95Have you asked him whether he believes it?” asked Alyosha.

96No, I havent. I wanted to, but I couldn’t. I hadn’t the courage. But I saw it from his eyes. Well, goodby!”

97Once more they kissed hurriedly, and Alyosha was just going out, when Mitya suddenly called him back.

98Stand facing me! Thats right!” And again he seized Alyosha, putting both hands on his shoulders. His face became suddenly quite pale, so that it was dreadfully apparent, even through the gathering darkness. His lips twitched, his eyes fastened upon Alyosha.

99“Alyosha, tell me the whole truth, as you would before God. Do you believe I did it? Do you, do you in yourself, believe it? The whole truth, dont lie!” he cried desperately.

100Everything seemed heaving before Alyosha, and he felt something like a stab at his heart.

101Hush! What do you mean?” he faltered helplessly.

102The whole truth, the whole, dont lie!” repeated Mitya.

103Ive never for one instant believed that you were the murderer!” broke in a shaking voice from Alyosha’s breast, and he raised his right hand in the air, as though calling God to witness his words.

104Mitya’s whole face was lighted up with bliss.

105Thank you!” he articulated slowly, as though letting a sigh escape him after fainting. Now you have given me new life. Would you believe it, till this moment Ive been afraid to ask you, you, even you. Well, go! Youve given me strength for tomorrow. God bless you! Come, go along! Love Ivan!” was Mitya’s last word.

106Alyosha went out in tears. Such distrustfulness in Mitya, such lack of confidence even to him, to Alyosha—all this suddenly opened before Alyosha an unsuspected depth of hopeless grief and despair in the soul of his unhappy brother. Intense, infinite compassion overwhelmed him instantly. There was a poignant ache in his torn heart. Love Ivan!”—he suddenly recalled Mitya’s words. And he was going to Ivan. He badly wanted to see Ivan all day. He was as much worried about Ivan as about Mitya, and more than ever now.