50. Chapter V. A Sudden Resolution

The Brothers Karamazov / 卡拉马佐夫兄弟

1She was sitting in the kitchen with her grandmother; they were both just going to bed. Relying on Nazar Ivanovitch, they had not locked themselves in. Mitya ran in, pounced on Fenya and seized her by the throat.

2Speak at once! Where is she? With whom is she now, at Mokroe?” he roared furiously.

3Both the women squealed.

4Aie! Ill tell you. Aie! Dmitri Fyodorovitch, darling, Ill tell you everything directly, I wont hide anything,” gabbled Fenya, frightened to death; “shes gone to Mokroe, to her officer.”

5What officer?” roared Mitya.

6To her officer, the same one she used to know, the one who threw her over five years ago,” cackled Fenya, as fast as she could speak.

7Mitya withdrew the hands with which he was squeezing her throat. He stood facing her, pale as death, unable to utter a word, but his eyes showed that he realized it all, all, from the first word, and guessed the whole position. Poor Fenya was not in a condition at that moment to observe whether he understood or not. She remained sitting on the trunk as she had been when he ran into the room, trembling all over, holding her hands out before her as though trying to defend herself. She seemed to have grown rigid in that position. Her wideopened, scared eyes were fixed immovably upon him. And to make matters worse, both his hands were smeared with blood. On the way, as he ran, he must have touched his forehead with them, wiping off the perspiration, so that on his forehead and his right cheek were bloodstained patches. Fenya was on the verge of hysterics. The old cook had jumped up and was staring at him like a mad woman, almost unconscious with terror.

8Mitya stood for a moment, then mechanically sank on to a chair next to Fenya. He sat, not reflecting but, as it were, terrorstricken, benumbed. Yet everything was clear as day: that officer, he knew about him, he knew everything perfectly, he had known it from Grushenka herself, had known that a letter had come from him a month before. So that for a month, for a whole month, this had been going on, a secret from him, till the very arrival of this new man, and he had never thought of him! But how could he, how could he not have thought of him? Why was it he had forgotten this officer, like that, forgotten him as soon as he heard of him? That was the question that faced him like some monstrous thing. And he looked at this monstrous thing with horror, growing cold with horror.

9But suddenly, as gently and mildly as a gentle and affectionate child, he began speaking to Fenya as though he had utterly forgotten how he had scared and hurt her just now. He fell to questioning Fenya with an extreme preciseness, astonishing in his position, and though the girl looked wildly at his bloodstained hands, she, too, with wonderful readiness and rapidity, answered every question as though eager to put the whole truth and nothing but the truth before him. Little by little, even with a sort of enjoyment, she began explaining every detail, not wanting to torment him, but, as it were, eager to be of the utmost service to him. She described the whole of that day, in great detail, the visit of Rakitin and Alyosha, how she, Fenya, had stood on the watch, how the mistress had set off, and how she had called out of the window to Alyosha to give him, Mitya, her greetings, and to tell himto remember for ever how she had loved him for an hour.”

10Hearing of the message, Mitya suddenly smiled, and there was a flush of color on his pale cheeks. At the same moment Fenya said to him, not a bit afraid now to be inquisitive:

11Look at your hands, Dmitri Fyodorovitch. Theyre all over blood!”

12Yes,” answered Mitya mechanically. He looked carelessly at his hands and at once forgot them and Fenya’s question.

13He sank into silence again. Twenty minutes had passed since he had run in. His first horror was over, but evidently some new fixed determination had taken possession of him. He suddenly stood up, smiling dreamily.

14What has happened to you, sir?” said Fenya, pointing to his hands again. She spoke compassionately, as though she felt very near to him now in his grief. Mitya looked at his hands again.

15Thats blood, Fenya,” he said, looking at her with a strange expression. Thats human blood, and my God! why was it shed? But ... Fenya ... theres a fence here” (he looked at her as though setting her a riddle), “a high fence, and terrible to look at. But at dawn tomorrow, when the sun rises, Mitya will leap over that fence.... You dont understand what fence, Fenya, and, never mind.... Youll hear tomorrow and understand ... and now, goodby. I wont stand in her way. Ill step aside, I know how to step aside. Live, my joy.... You loved me for an hour, remember Mityenka Karamazov so for ever.... She always used to call me Mityenka, do you remember?”

16And with those words he went suddenly out of the kitchen. Fenya was almost more frightened at this sudden departure than she had been when he ran in and attacked her.

17Just ten minutes later Dmitri went in to Pyotr Ilyitch Perhotin, the young official with whom he had pawned his pistols. It was by now halfpast eight, and Pyotr Ilyitch had finished his evening tea, and had just put his coat on again to go to theMetropolisto play billiards. Mitya caught him coming out.

18Seeing him with his face all smeared with blood, the young man uttered a cry of surprise.

19Good heavens! What is the matter?”

20Ive come for my pistols,” said Mitya, “and brought you the money. And thanks very much. Im in a hurry, Pyotr Ilyitch, please make haste.”

21Pyotr Ilyitch grew more and more surprised; he suddenly caught sight of a bundle of banknotes in Mitya’s hand, and what was more, he had walked in holding the notes as no one walks in and no one carries money: he had them in his right hand, and held them outstretched as if to show them. Perhotin’s servantboy, who met Mitya in the passage, said afterwards that he walked into the passage in the same way, with the money outstretched in his hand, so he must have been carrying them like that even in the streets. They were all rainbowcolored hundredrouble notes, and the fingers holding them were covered with blood.

22When Pyotr Ilyitch was questioned later on as to the sum of money, he said that it was difficult to judge at a glance, but that it might have been two thousand, or perhaps three, but it was a big, “fatbundle. “Dmitri Fyodorovitch,” so he testified afterwards, “seemed unlike himself, too; not drunk, but, as it were, exalted, lost to everything, but at the same time, as it were, absorbed, as though pondering and searching for something and unable to come to a decision. He was in great haste, answered abruptly and very strangely, and at moments seemed not at all dejected but quite cheerful.”

23But what is the matter with you? Whats wrong?” cried Pyotr Ilyitch, looking wildly at his guest. How is it that youre all covered with blood? Have you had a fall? Look at yourself!”

24He took him by the elbow and led him to the glass.

25Seeing his bloodstained face, Mitya started and scowled wrathfully.

26Damnation! Thats the last straw,” he muttered angrily, hurriedly changing the notes from his right hand to the left, and impulsively jerked the handkerchief out of his pocket. But the handkerchief turned out to be soaked with blood, too (it was the handkerchief he had used to wipe Grigory’s face). There was scarcely a white spot on it, and it had not merely begun to dry, but had stiffened into a crumpled ball and could not be pulled apart. Mitya threw it angrily on the floor.

27Oh, damn it!” he said. Havent you a rag of some sort ... to wipe my face?”

28So youre only stained, not wounded? Youd better wash,” said Pyotr Ilyitch. Heres a washstand. Ill pour you out some water.”

29A washstand? Thats all right ... but where am I to put this?”

30With the strangest perplexity he indicated his bundle of hundredrouble notes, looking inquiringly at Pyotr Ilyitch as though it were for him to decide what he, Mitya, was to do with his own money.

31In your pocket, or on the table here. They wont be lost.”

32In my pocket? Yes, in my pocket. All right.... But, I say, thats all nonsense,” he cried, as though suddenly coming out of his absorption. Look here, lets first settle that business of the pistols. Give them back to me. Heres your money ... because I am in great need of them ... and I havent a minute, a minute to spare.”

33And taking the topmost note from the bundle he held it out to Pyotr Ilyitch.

34But I shan’t have change enough. Havent you less?”

35No,” said Mitya, looking again at the bundle, and as though not trusting his own words he turned over two or three of the topmost ones.

36No, theyre all alike,” he added, and again he looked inquiringly at Pyotr Ilyitch.

37How have you grown so rich?” the latter asked. Wait, Ill send my boy to Plotnikov’s, they close lateto see if they wont change it. Here, Misha!” he called into the passage.

38To Plotnikov’s shopfirstrate!” cried Mitya, as though struck by an idea. “Misha,” he turned to the boy as he came in, “look here, run to Plotnikov’s and tell them that Dmitri Fyodorovitch sends his greetings, and will be there directly.... But listen, listen, tell them to have champagne, three dozen bottles, ready before I come, and packed as it was to take to Mokroe. I took four dozen with me then,” he added (suddenly addressing Pyotr Ilyitch); “they know all about it, dont you trouble, Misha,” he turned again to the boy. “Stay, listen; tell them to put in cheese, Strasburg pies, smoked fish, ham, caviare, and everything, everything theyve got, up to a hundred roubles, or a hundred and twenty as before.... But wait: dont let them forget dessert, sweets, pears, watermelons, two or three or fourno, one melons enough, and chocolate, candy, toffee, fondants; in fact, everything I took to Mokroe before, three hundred roublesworth with the champagne ... let it be just the same again. And remember, Misha, if you are called Misha—His name is Misha, isn’t it?” He turned to Pyotr Ilyitch again.

39Wait a minute,” Protr Ilyitch intervened, listening and watching him uneasily, “youd better go yourself and tell them. Hell muddle it.”

40He will, I see he will! Eh, Misha! Why, I was going to kiss you for the commission.... If you dont make a mistake, theres ten roubles for you, run along, make haste.... Champagnes the chief thing, let them bring up champagne. And brandy, too, and red and white wine, and all I had then.... They know what I had then.”

41But listen!” Pyotr Ilyitch interrupted with some impatience. I say, let him simply run and change the money and tell them not to close, and you go and tell them.... Give him your note. Be off, Misha! Put your best leg forward!”

42Pyotr Ilyitch seemed to hurry Misha off on purpose, because the boy remained standing with his mouth and eyes wide open, apparently understanding little of Mitya’s orders, gazing up with amazement and terror at his bloodstained face and the trembling bloodstained fingers that held the notes.

43Well, now come and wash,” said Pyotr Ilyitch sternly. Put the money on the table or else in your pocket.... Thats right, come along. But take off your coat.”

44And beginning to help him off with his coat, he cried out again:

45Look, your coats covered with blood, too!”

46That ... its not the coat. Its only a little here on the sleeve.... And thats only here where the handkerchief lay. It must have soaked through. I must have sat on the handkerchief at Fenya’s, and the bloods come through,” Mitya explained at once with a childlike unconsciousness that was astounding. Pyotr Ilyitch listened, frowning.

47Well, you must have been up to something; you must have been fighting with some one,” he muttered.

48They began to wash. Pyotr Ilyitch held the jug and poured out the water. Mitya, in desperate haste, scarcely soaped his hands (they were trembling, and Pyotr Ilyitch remembered it afterwards). But the young official insisted on his soaping them thoroughly and rubbing them more. He seemed to exercise more and more sway over Mitya, as time went on. It may be noted in passing that he was a young man of sturdy character.

49Look, you havent got your nails clean. Now rub your face; here, on your temples, by your ear.... Will you go in that shirt? Where are you going? Look, all the cuff of your right sleeve is covered with blood.”

50Yes, its all bloody,” observed Mitya, looking at the cuff of his shirt.

51Then change your shirt.”

52I havent time. You see Ill ...” Mitya went on with the same confiding ingenuousness, drying his face and hands on the towel, and putting on his coat. Ill turn it up at the wrist. It wont be seen under the coat.... You see!”

53Tell me now, what game have you been up to? Have you been fighting with some one? In the tavern again, as before? Have you been beating that captain again?” Pyotr Ilyitch asked him reproachfully. Whom have you been beating now ... or killing, perhaps?”

54Nonsense!” said Mitya.

55Whynonsense’?”

56Dont worry,” said Mitya, and he suddenly laughed. I smashed an old woman in the marketplace just now.”

57Smashed? An old woman?”

58An old man!” cried Mitya, looking Pyotr Ilyitch straight in the face, laughing, and shouting at him as though he were deaf.

59Confound it! An old woman, an old man.... Have you killed some one?”

60We made it up. We had a rowand made it up. In a place I know of. We parted friends. A fool.... Hes forgiven me.... Hes sure to have forgiven me by now ... if he had got up, he wouldn’t have forgiven me”—Mitya suddenly winked—“only damn him, you know, I say, Pyotr Ilyitch, damn him! Dont worry about him! I dont want to just now!” Mitya snapped out, resolutely.

61Whatever do you want to go picking quarrels with every one for? ... Just as you did with that captain over some nonsense.... Youve been fighting and now youre rushing off on the spreethats you all over! Three dozen champagnewhat do you want all that for?”

62Bravo! Now give me the pistols. Upon my honor Ive no time now. I should like to have a chat with you, my dear boy, but I havent the time. And theres no need, its too late for talking. Wheres my money? Where have I put it?” he cried, thrusting his hands into his pockets.

63You put it on the table ... yourself.... Here it is. Had you forgotten? Moneys like dirt or water to you, it seems. Here are your pistols. Its an odd thing, at six oclock you pledged them for ten roubles, and now youve got thousands. Two or three I should say.”

64Three, you bet,” laughed Mitya, stuffing the notes into the sidepocket of his trousers.

65Youll lose it like that. Have you found a goldmine?”

66The mines? The goldmines?” Mitya shouted at the top of his voice and went off into a roar of laughter. Would you like to go to the mines, Perhotin? Theres a lady here wholl stump up three thousand for you, if only youll go. She did it for me, shes so awfully fond of goldmines. Do you know Madame Hohlakov?”

67I dont know her, but Ive heard of her and seen her. Did she really give you three thousand? Did she really?” said Pyotr Ilyitch, eyeing him dubiously.

68As soon as the sun rises tomorrow, as soon as Phœbus, ever young, flies upwards, praising and glorifying God, you go to her, this Madame Hohlakov, and ask her whether she did stump up that three thousand or not. Try and find out.”

69I dont know on what terms you are ... since you say it so positively, I suppose she did give it to you. Youve got the money in your hand, but instead of going to Siberia youre spending it all.... Where are you really off to now, eh?”

70To Mokroe.”

71To Mokroe? But its night!”

72Once the lad had all, now the lad has naught,” cried Mitya suddenly.

73Hownaught’? You say that with all those thousands!”

74Im not talking about thousands. Damn thousands! Im talking of the female character.

75Fickle is the heart of woman

76Treacherous and full of vice;

77I agree with Ulysses. Thats what he says.

78I dont understand you!”

79Am I drunk?”

80Not drunk, but worse.”

81Im drunk in spirit, Pyotr Ilyitch, drunk in spirit! But thats enough!”

82What are you doing, loading the pistol?”

83Im loading the pistol.”

84Unfastening the pistolcase, Mitya actually opened the powder horn, and carefully sprinkled and rammed in the charge. Then he took the bullet and, before inserting it, held it in two fingers in front of the candle.

85Why are you looking at the bullet?” asked Pyotr Ilyitch, watching him with uneasy curiosity.

86Oh, a fancy. Why, if you meant to put that bullet in your brain, would you look at it or not?”

87Why look at it?”

88Its going into my brain, so its interesting to look and see what its like. But thats foolishness, a moments foolishness. Now thats done,” he added, putting in the bullet and driving it home with the ramrod. “Pyotr Ilyitch, my dear fellow, thats nonsense, all nonsense, and if only you knew what nonsense! Give me a little piece of paper now.”

89Heres some paper.”

90No, a clean new piece, writingpaper. Thats right.”

91And taking a pen from the table, Mitya rapidly wrote two lines, folded the paper in four, and thrust it in his waistcoat pocket. He put the pistols in the case, locked it up, and kept it in his hand. Then he looked at Pyotr Ilyitch with a slow, thoughtful smile.

92Now, lets go.”

93Where are we going? No, wait a minute.... Are you thinking of putting that bullet in your brain, perhaps?” Pyotr Ilyitch asked uneasily.

94I was fooling about the bullet! I want to live. I love life! You may be sure of that. I love goldenhaired Phœbus and his warm light.... Dear Pyotr Ilyitch, do you know how to step aside?”

95What do you mean bystepping aside’?”

96Making way. Making way for a dear creature, and for one I hate. And to let the one I hate become dearthats what making way means! And to say to them: God bless you, go your way, pass on, while I—”

97While you—?”

98Thats enough, lets go.”

99Upon my word. Ill tell some one to prevent your going there,” said Pyotr Ilyitch, looking at him. What are you going to Mokroe for, now?”

100Theres a woman there, a woman. Thats enough for you. You shut up.”

101Listen, though youre such a savage Ive always liked you.... I feel anxious.”

102Thanks, old fellow. Im a savage you say. Savages, savages! Thats what I am always saying. Savages! Why, heres Misha! I was forgetting him.”

103Misha ran in, posthaste, with a handful of notes in change, and reported that every one was in a bustle at the Plotnikovs’; “Theyre carrying down the bottles, and the fish, and the tea; it will all be ready directly.” Mitya seized ten roubles and handed it to Pyotr Ilyitch, then tossed another tenrouble note to Misha.

104Dont dare to do such a thing!” cried Pyotr Ilyitch. I wont have it in my house, its a bad, demoralizing habit. Put your money away. Here, put it here, why waste it? It would come in handy tomorrow, and I dare say youll be coming to me to borrow ten roubles again. Why do you keep putting the notes in your sidepocket? Ah, youll lose them!”

105I say, my dear fellow, lets go to Mokroe together.”

106What should I go for?”

107I say, lets open a bottle at once, and drink to life! I want to drink, and especially to drink with you. Ive never drunk with you, have I?”

108Very well, we can go to theMetropolis.’ I was just going there.”

109I havent time for that. Lets drink at the Plotnikovs’, in the back room. Shall I ask you a riddle?”

110Ask away.”

111Mitya took the piece of paper out of his waistcoat pocket, unfolded it and showed it. In a large, distinct hand was written: “I punish myself for my whole life, my whole life I punish!”

112I will certainly speak to some one, Ill go at once,” said Pyotr Ilyitch, after reading the paper.

113You wont have time, dear boy, come and have a drink. March!”

114Plotnikov’s shop was at the corner of the street, next door but one to Pyotr Ilyitch’s. It was the largest grocery shop in our town, and by no means a bad one, belonging to some rich merchants. They kept everything that could be got in a Petersburg shop, grocery of all sort, winesbottled by the brothers Eliseyev,” fruits, cigars, tea, coffee, sugar, and so on. There were three shopassistants and two errand boys always employed. Though our part of the country had grown poorer, the landowners had gone away, and trade had got worse, yet the grocery stores flourished as before, every year with increasing prosperity; there were plenty of purchasers for their goods.

115They were awaiting Mitya with impatience in the shop. They had vivid recollections of how he had bought, three or four weeks ago, wine and goods of all sorts to the value of several hundred roubles, paid for in cash (they would never have let him have anything on credit, of course). They remembered that then, as now, he had had a bundle of hundredrouble notes in his hand, and had scattered them at random, without bargaining, without reflecting, or caring to reflect what use so much wine and provisions would be to him. The story was told all over the town that, driving off then with Grushenka to Mokroe, he hadspent three thousand in one night and the following day, and had come back from the spree without a penny.” He had picked up a whole troop of gypsies (encamped in our neighborhood at the time), who for two days got money without stint out of him while he was drunk, and drank expensive wine without stint. People used to tell, laughing at Mitya, how he had given champagne to grimyhanded peasants, and feasted the village women and girls on sweets and Strasburg pies. Though to laugh at Mitya to his face was rather a risky proceeding, there was much laughter behind his back, especially in the tavern, at his own ingenuous public avowal that all he had got out of Grushenka by thisescapadewaspermission to kiss her foot, and that was the utmost she had allowed him.”

116By the time Mitya and Pyotr Ilyitch reached the shop, they found a cart with three horses harnessed abreast with bells, and with Andrey, the driver, ready waiting for Mitya at the entrance. In the shop they had almost entirely finished packing one box of provisions, and were only waiting for Mitya’s arrival to nail it down and put it in the cart. Pyotr Ilyitch was astounded.

117Where did this cart come from in such a hurry?” he asked Mitya.

118I met Andrey as I ran to you, and told him to drive straight here to the shop. Theres no time to lose. Last time I drove with Timofey, but Timofey now has gone on before me with the witch. Shall we be very late, Andrey?”

119Theyll only get there an hour at most before us, not even that maybe. I got Timofey ready to start. I know how hell go. Their pace wont be ours, Dmitri Fyodorovitch. How could it be? They wont get there an hour earlier!” Andrey, a lanky, redhaired, middleaged driver, wearing a fullskirted coat, and with a kaftan on his arm, replied warmly.

120Fifty roubles for vodka if were only an hour behind them.”

121I warrant the time, Dmitri Fyodorovitch. Ech, they wont be half an hour before us, let alone an hour.”

122Though Mitya bustled about seeing after things, he gave his orders strangely, as it were disconnectedly, and inconsecutively. He began a sentence and forgot the end of it. Pyotr Ilyitch found himself obliged to come to the rescue.

123Four hundred roublesworth, not less than four hundred roublesworth, just as it was then,” commanded Mitya. Four dozen champagne, not a bottle less.”

124What do you want with so much? Whats it for? Stay!” cried Pyotr Ilyitch. Whats this box? Whats in it? Surely there isn’t four hundred roublesworth here?”

125The officious shopmen began explaining with oily politeness that the first box contained only half a dozen bottles of champagne, and onlythe most indispensable articles,” such as savories, sweets, toffee, etc. But the main part of the goods ordered would be packed and sent off, as on the previous occasion, in a special cart also with three horses traveling at full speed, so that it would arrive not more than an hour later than Dmitri Fyodorovitch himself.

126Not more than an hour! Not more than an hour! And put in more toffee and fondants. The girls there are so fond of it,” Mitya insisted hotly.

127The fondants are all right. But what do you want with four dozen of champagne? One would be enough,” said Pyotr Ilyitch, almost angry. He began bargaining, asking for a bill of the goods, and refused to be satisfied. But he only succeeded in saving a hundred roubles. In the end it was agreed that only three hundred roublesworth should be sent.

128Well, you may go to the devil!” cried Pyotr Ilyitch, on second thoughts. Whats it to do with me? Throw away your money, since its cost you nothing.”

129This way, my economist, this way, dont be angry.” Mitya drew him into a room at the back of the shop. Theyll give us a bottle here directly. Well taste it. Ech, Pyotr Ilyitch, come along with me, for youre a nice fellow, the sort I like.”

130Mitya sat down on a wicker chair, before a little table, covered with a dirty dinnernapkin. Pyotr Ilyitch sat down opposite, and the champagne soon appeared, and oysters were suggested to the gentlemen. Firstclass oysters, the last lot in.”

131Hang the oysters. I dont eat them. And we dont need anything,” cried Pyotr Ilyitch, almost angrily.

132Theres no time for oysters,” said Mitya. And Im not hungry. Do you know, friend,” he said suddenly, with feeling, “I never have liked all this disorder.”

133Who does like it? Three dozen of champagne for peasants, upon my word, thats enough to make any one angry!”

134Thats not what I mean. Im talking of a higher order. Theres no order in me, no higher order. But ... thats all over. Theres no need to grieve about it. Its too late, damn it! My whole life has been disorder, and one must set it in order. Is that a pun, eh?”

135Youre raving, not making puns!”

136Glory be to God in Heaven,

137Glory be to God in me....

138That verse came from my heart once, its not a verse, but a tear.... I made it myself ... not while I was pulling the captains beard, though....”

139Why do you bring him in all of a sudden?”

140Why do I bring him in? Foolery! All things come to an end; all things are made equal. Thats the long and short of it.”

141You know, I keep thinking of your pistols.”

142Thats all foolery, too! Drink, and dont be fanciful. I love life. Ive loved life too much, shamefully much. Enough! Lets drink to life, dear boy, I propose the toast. Why am I pleased with myself? Im a scoundrel, but Im satisfied with myself. And yet Im tortured by the thought that Im a scoundrel, but satisfied with myself. I bless the creation. Im ready to bless God and His creation directly, but ... I must kill one noxious insect for fear it should crawl and spoil life for others.... Let us drink to life, dear brother. What can be more precious than life? Nothing! To life, and to one queen of queens!”

143Lets drink to life and to your queen, too, if you like.”

144They drank a glass each. Although Mitya was excited and expansive, yet he was melancholy, too. It was as though some heavy, overwhelming anxiety were weighing upon him.

145“Misha ... heres your Misha come! Misha, come here, my boy, drink this glass to Phœbus, the goldenhaired, of tomorrow morn....”

146What are you giving it him for?” cried Pyotr Ilyitch, irritably.

147Yes, yes, yes, let me! I want to!”

148E—ech!”

149Misha emptied the glass, bowed, and ran out.

150Hell remember it afterwards,” Mitya remarked. Woman, I love woman! What is woman? The queen of creation! My heart is sad, my heart is sad, Pyotr Ilyitch. Do you remember Hamlet? ‘I am very sorry, good Horatio! Alas, poor Yorick!’ Perhaps thats me, Yorick? Yes, Im Yorick now, and a skull afterwards.”

151Pyotr Ilyitch listened in silence. Mitya, too, was silent for a while.

152What dogs that youve got here?” he asked the shopman, casually, noticing a pretty little lapdog with dark eyes, sitting in the corner.

153It belongs to Varvara Alexyevna, the mistress,” answered the clerk. She brought it and forgot it here. It must be taken back to her.”

154I saw one like it ... in the regiment ...” murmured Mitya dreamily, “only that one had its hind leg broken.... By the way, Pyotr Ilyitch, I wanted to ask you: have you ever stolen anything in your life?”

155What a question!”

156Oh, I didn’t mean anything. From somebodys pocket, you know. I dont mean government money, every one steals that, and no doubt you do, too....”

157You go to the devil.”

158Im talking of other peoples money. Stealing straight out of a pocket? Out of a purse, eh?”

159I stole twenty copecks from my mother when I was nine years old. I took it off the table on the sly, and held it tight in my hand.”

160Well, and what happened?”

161Oh, nothing. I kept it three days, then I felt ashamed, confessed, and gave it back.”

162And what then?”

163Naturally I was whipped. But why do you ask? Have you stolen something?”

164I have,” said Mitya, winking slyly.

165What have you stolen?” inquired Pyotr Ilyitch curiously.

166I stole twenty copecks from my mother when I was nine years old, and gave it back three days after.”

167As he said this, Mitya suddenly got up.

168“Dmitri Fyodorovitch, wont you come now?” called Andrey from the door of the shop.

169Are you ready? Well come!” Mitya started. A few more last words and—Andrey, a glass of vodka at starting. Give him some brandy as well! That box(the one with the pistols) put under my seat. Goodby, Pyotr Ilyitch, dont remember evil against me.”

170But youre coming back tomorrow?”

171Of course.”

172Will you settle the little bill now?” cried the clerk, springing forward.

173Oh, yes, the bill. Of course.”

174He pulled the bundle of notes out of his pocket again, picked out three hundred roubles, threw them on the counter, and ran hurriedly out of the shop. Every one followed him out, bowing and wishing him good luck. Andrey, coughing from the brandy he had just swallowed, jumped up on the box. But Mitya was only just taking his seat when suddenly to his surprise he saw Fenya before him. She ran up panting, clasped her hands before him with a cry, and plumped down at his feet.

175“Dmitri Fyodorovitch, dear good Dmitri Fyodorovitch, dont harm my mistress. And it was I told you all about it.... And dont murder him, he came first, hes hers! Hell marry Agrafena Alexandrovna now. Thats why hes come back from Siberia. Dmitri Fyodorovitch, dear, dont take a fellow creatures life!”

176Tuttuttut! Thats it, is it? So youre off there to make trouble!” muttered Pyotr Ilyitch. Now, its all clear, as clear as daylight. Dmitri Fyodorovitch, give me your pistols at once if you mean to behave like a man,” he shouted aloud to Mitya. Do you hear, Dmitri?”

177The pistols? Wait a bit, brother, Ill throw them into the pool on the road,” answered Mitya. “Fenya, get up, dont kneel to me. Mitya wont hurt any one, the silly fool wont hurt any one again. But I say, Fenya,” he shouted, after having taken his seat. I hurt you just now, so forgive me and have pity on me, forgive a scoundrel.... But it doesn’t matter if you dont. Its all the same now. Now then, Andrey, look alive, fly along full speed!”

178Andrey whipped up the horses, and the bells began ringing.

179Goodby, Pyotr Ilyitch! My last tear is for you!...”

180Hes not drunk, but he keeps babbling like a lunatic,” Pyotr Ilyitch thought as he watched him go. He had half a mind to stay and see the cart packed with the remaining wines and provisions, knowing that they would deceive and defraud Mitya. But, suddenly feeling vexed with himself, he turned away with a curse and went to the tavern to play billiards.

181Hes a fool, though hes a good fellow,” he muttered as he went. Ive heard of that officer, Grushenka’s former flame. Well, if he has turned up.... Ech, those pistols! Damn it all! Im not his nurse! Let them do what they like! Besides, itll all come to nothing. Theyre a set of brawlers, thats all. Theyll drink and fight, fight and make friends again. They are not men who do anything real. What does he mean byIm stepping aside, Im punishing myself?’ Itll come to nothing! Hes shouted such phrases a thousand times, drunk, in the taverns. But now hes not drunk. ‘Drunk in spirit’—theyre fond of fine phrases, the villains. Am I his nurse? He must have been fighting, his face was all over blood. With whom? I shall find out at theMetropolis.’ And his handkerchief was soaked in blood.... Its still lying on my floor.... Hang it!”

182He reached the tavern in a bad humor and at once made up a game. The game cheered him. He played a second game, and suddenly began telling one of his partners that Dmitri Karamazov had come in for some cash againsomething like three thousand roubles, and had gone to Mokroe again to spend it with Grushenka.... This news roused singular interest in his listeners. They all spoke of it, not laughing, but with a strange gravity. They left off playing.

183Three thousand? But where can he have got three thousand?”

184Questions were asked. The story of Madame Hohlakov’s present was received with skepticism.

185“Hasn’t he robbed his old father?—thats the question.”

186Three thousand! Theres something odd about it.”

187He boasted aloud that he would kill his father; we all heard him, here. And it was three thousand he talked about ...”

188Pyotr Ilyitch listened. All at once he became short and dry in his answers. He said not a word about the blood on Mitya’s face and hands, though he had meant to speak of it at first.

189They began a third game, and by degrees the talk about Mitya died away. But by the end of the third game, Pyotr Ilyitch felt no more desire for billiards; he laid down the cue, and without having supper as he had intended, he walked out of the tavern. When he reached the marketplace he stood still in perplexity, wondering at himself. He realized that what he wanted was to go to Fyodor Pavlovitch’s and find out if anything had happened there. On account of some stupid nonsenseas its sure to turn outam I going to wake up the household and make a scandal? Fooh! damn it, is it my business to look after them?”

190In a very bad humor he went straight home, and suddenly remembered Fenya. “Damn it all! I ought to have questioned her just now,” he thought with vexation, “I should have heard everything.” And the desire to speak to her, and so find out, became so pressing and importunate that when he was halfway home he turned abruptly and went towards the house where Grushenka lodged. Going up to the gate he knocked. The sound of the knock in the silence of the night sobered him and made him feel annoyed. And no one answered him; every one in the house was asleep.

191And I shall be making a fuss!” he thought, with a feeling of positive discomfort. But instead of going away altogether, he fell to knocking again with all his might, filling the street with clamor.

192Not coming? Well, I will knock them up, I will!” he muttered at each knock, fuming at himself, but at the same time he redoubled his knocks on the gate.