23. Chapter X. Both Together

The Brothers Karamazov / 卡拉马佐夫兄弟

1Alyosha left his fathers house feeling even more exhausted and dejected in spirit than when he had entered it. His mind too seemed shattered and unhinged, while he felt that he was afraid to put together the disjointed fragments and form a general idea from all the agonizing and conflicting experiences of the day. He felt something bordering upon despair, which he had never known till then. Towering like a mountain above all the rest stood the fatal, insoluble question: How would things end between his father and his brother Dmitri with this terrible woman? Now he had himself been a witness of it, he had been present and seen them face to face. Yet only his brother Dmitri could be made unhappy, terribly, completely unhappy: there was trouble awaiting him. It appeared too that there were other people concerned, far more so than Alyosha could have supposed before. There was something positively mysterious in it, too. Ivan had made a step towards him, which was what Alyosha had been long desiring. Yet now he felt for some reason that he was frightened at it. And these women? Strange to say, that morning he had set out for Katerina Ivanovna’s in the greatest embarrassment; now he felt nothing of the kind. On the contrary, he was hastening there as though expecting to find guidance from her. Yet to give her this message was obviously more difficult than before. The matter of the three thousand was decided irrevocably, and Dmitri, feeling himself dishonored and losing his last hope, might sink to any depth. He had, moreover, told him to describe to Katerina Ivanovna the scene which had just taken place with his father.

2It was by now seven oclock, and it was getting dark as Alyosha entered the very spacious and convenient house in the High Street occupied by Katerina Ivanovna. Alyosha knew that she lived with two aunts. One of them, a woman of little education, was that aunt of her halfsister Agafya Ivanovna who had looked after her in her fathers house when she came from boardingschool. The other aunt was a Moscow lady of style and consequence, though in straitened circumstances. It was said that they both gave way in everything to Katerina Ivanovna, and that she only kept them with her as chaperons. Katerina Ivanovna herself gave way to no one but her benefactress, the generals widow, who had been kept by illness in Moscow, and to whom she was obliged to write twice a week a full account of all her doings.

3When Alyosha entered the hall and asked the maid who opened the door to him to take his name up, it was evident that they were already aware of his arrival. Possibly he had been noticed from the window. At least, Alyosha heard a noise, caught the sound of flying footsteps and rustling skirts. Two or three women, perhaps, had run out of the room.

4Alyosha thought it strange that his arrival should cause such excitement. He was conducted however to the drawingroom at once. It was a large room, elegantly and amply furnished, not at all in provincial style. There were many sofas, lounges, settees, big and little tables. There were pictures on the walls, vases and lamps on the tables, masses of flowers, and even an aquarium in the window. It was twilight and rather dark. Alyosha made out a silk mantle thrown down on the sofa, where people had evidently just been sitting; and on a table in front of the sofa were two unfinished cups of chocolate, cakes, a glass saucer with blue raisins, and another with sweetmeats. Alyosha saw that he had interrupted visitors, and frowned. But at that instant the portière was raised, and with rapid, hurrying footsteps Katerina Ivanovna came in, holding out both hands to Alyosha with a radiant smile of delight. At the same instant a servant brought in two lighted candles and set them on the table.

5Thank God! At last you have come too! Ive been simply praying for you all day! Sit down.”

6Alyosha had been struck by Katerina Ivanovna’s beauty when, three weeks before, Dmitri had first brought him, at Katerina Ivanovna’s special request, to be introduced to her. There had been no conversation between them at that interview, however. Supposing Alyosha to be very shy, Katerina Ivanovna had talked all the time to Dmitri to spare him. Alyosha had been silent, but he had seen a great deal very clearly. He was struck by the imperiousness, proud ease, and selfconfidence of the haughty girl. And all that was certain, Alyosha felt that he was not exaggerating it. He thought her great glowing black eyes were very fine, especially with her pale, even rather sallow, longish face. But in those eyes and in the lines of her exquisite lips there was something with which his brother might well be passionately in love, but which perhaps could not be loved for long. He expressed this thought almost plainly to Dmitri when, after the visit, his brother besought and insisted that he should not conceal his impressions on seeing his betrothed.

7Youll be happy with her, but perhapsnot tranquilly happy.”

8Quite so, brother. Such people remain always the same. They dont yield to fate. So you think I shan’t love her for ever.”

9No; perhaps you will love her for ever. But perhaps you wont always be happy with her.”

10Alyosha had given his opinion at the time, blushing, and angry with himself for having yielded to his brothers entreaties and put suchfoolishideas into words. For his opinion had struck him as awfully foolish immediately after he had uttered it. He felt ashamed too of having given so confident an opinion about a woman. It was with the more amazement that he felt now, at the first glance at Katerina Ivanovna as she ran in to him, that he had perhaps been utterly mistaken. This time her face was beaming with spontaneous goodnatured kindliness, and direct warmhearted sincerity. Thepride and haughtiness,” which had struck Alyosha so much before, was only betrayed now in a frank, generous energy and a sort of bright, strong faith in herself. Alyosha realized at the first glance, at the first word, that all the tragedy of her position in relation to the man she loved so dearly was no secret to her; that she perhaps already knew everything, positively everything. And yet, in spite of that, there was such brightness in her face, such faith in the future. Alyosha felt at once that he had gravely wronged her in his thoughts. He was conquered and captivated immediately. Besides all this, he noticed at her first words that she was in great excitement, an excitement perhaps quite exceptional and almost approaching ecstasy.

11I was so eager to see you, because I can learn from you the whole truthfrom you and no one else.”

12I have come,” muttered Alyosha confusedly, “Ihe sent me.”

13Ah, he sent you! I foresaw that. Now I know everythingeverything!” cried Katerina Ivanovna, her eyes flashing. Wait a moment, Alexey Fyodorovitch, Ill tell you why Ive been so longing to see you. You see, I know perhaps far more than you do yourself, and theres no need for you to tell me anything. Ill tell you what I want from you. I want to know your own last impression of him. I want you to tell me most directly, plainly, coarsely even (oh, as coarsely as you like!), what you thought of him just now and of his position after your meeting with him today. That will perhaps be better than if I had a personal explanation with him, as he does not want to come to me. Do you understand what I want from you? Now, tell me simply, tell me every word of the message he sent you with (I knew he would send you).”

14He told me to give you his complimentsand to say that he would never come againbut to give you his compliments.”

15His compliments? Was that what he saidhis own expression?”

16Yes.”

17Accidentally perhaps he made a mistake in the word, perhaps he did not use the right word?”

18No; he told me precisely to repeat that word. He begged me two or three times not to forget to say so.”

19Katerina Ivanovna flushed hotly.

20Help me now, Alexey Fyodorovitch. Now I really need your help. Ill tell you what I think, and you must simply say whether its right or not. Listen! If he had sent me his compliments in passing, without insisting on your repeating the words, without emphasizing them, that would be the end of everything! But if he particularly insisted on those words, if he particularly told you not to forget to repeat them to me, then perhaps he was in excitement, beside himself. He had made his decision and was frightened at it. He wasn’t walking away from me with a resolute step, but leaping headlong. The emphasis on that phrase may have been simply bravado.”

21Yes, yes!” cried Alyosha warmly. I believe that is it.”

22And, if so, hes not altogether lost. I can still save him. Stay! Did he not tell you anything about moneyabout three thousand roubles?”

23He did speak about it, and its that more than anything thats crushing him. He said he had lost his honor and that nothing matters now,” Alyosha answered warmly, feeling a rush of hope in his heart and believing that there really might be a way of escape and salvation for his brother. But do you know about the money?” he added, and suddenly broke off.

24Ive known of it a long time; I telegraphed to Moscow to inquire, and heard long ago that the money had not arrived. He hadn’t sent the money, but I said nothing. Last week I learnt that he was still in need of money. My only object in all this was that he should know to whom to turn, and who was his true friend. No, he wont recognize that I am his truest friend; he wont know me, and looks on me merely as a woman. Ive been tormented all the week, trying to think how to prevent him from being ashamed to face me because he spent that three thousand. Let him feel ashamed of himself, let him be ashamed of other peoples knowing, but not of my knowing. He can tell God everything without shame. Why is it he still does not understand how much I am ready to bear for his sake? Why, why doesn’t he know me? How dare he not know me after all that has happened? I want to save him for ever. Let him forget me as his betrothed. And here he fears that he is dishonored in my eyes. Why, he wasn’t afraid to be open with you, Alexey Fyodorovitch. How is it that I dont deserve the same?”

25The last words she uttered in tears. Tears gushed from her eyes.

26I must tell you,” Alyosha began, his voice trembling too, “what happened just now between him and my father.”

27And he described the whole scene, how Dmitri had sent him to get the money, how he had broken in, knocked his father down, and after that had again specially and emphatically begged him to take his compliments and farewell. He went to that woman,” Alyosha added softly.

28And do you suppose that I cant put up with that woman? Does he think I cant? But he wont marry her,” she suddenly laughed nervously. “Could such a passion last for ever in a Karamazov? Its passion, not love. He wont marry her because she wont marry him.” Again Katerina Ivanovna laughed strangely.

29He may marry her,” said Alyosha mournfully, looking down.

30He wont marry her, I tell you. That girl is an angel. Do you know that? Do you know that?” Katerina Ivanovna exclaimed suddenly with extraordinary warmth. She is one of the most fantastic of fantastic creatures. I know how bewitching she is, but I know too that she is kind, firm and noble. Why do you look at me like that, Alexey Fyodorovitch? Perhaps you are wondering at my words, perhaps you dont believe me? Agrafena Alexandrovna, my angel!” she cried suddenly to some one, peeping into the next room, “come in to us. This is a friend. This is Alyosha. He knows all about our affairs. Show yourself to him.”

31Ive only been waiting behind the curtain for you to call me,” said a soft, one might even say sugary, feminine voice.

32The portière was raised and Grushenka herself, smiling and beaming, came up to the table. A violent revulsion passed over Alyosha. He fixed his eyes on her and could not take them off. Here she was, that awful woman, thebeast,” as Ivan had called her half an hour before. And yet one would have thought the creature standing before him most simple and ordinary, a goodnatured, kind woman, handsome certainly, but so like other handsome ordinary women! It is true she was very, very goodlooking with that Russian beauty so passionately loved by many men. She was a rather tall woman, though a little shorter than Katerina Ivanovna, who was exceptionally tall. She had a full figure, with soft, as it were, noiseless, movements, softened to a peculiar oversweetness, like her voice. She moved, not like Katerina Ivanovna, with a vigorous, bold step, but noiselessly. Her feet made absolutely no sound on the floor. She sank softly into a low chair, softly rustling her sumptuous black silk dress, and delicately nestling her milkwhite neck and broad shoulders in a costly cashmere shawl. She was twentytwo years old, and her face looked exactly that age. She was very white in the face, with a pale pink tint on her cheeks. The modeling of her face might be said to be too broad, and the lower jaw was set a trifle forward. Her upper lip was thin, but the slightly prominent lower lip was at least twice as full, and looked pouting. But her magnificent, abundant dark brown hair, her sablecolored eyebrows and charming grayblue eyes with their long lashes would have made the most indifferent person, meeting her casually in a crowd in the street, stop at the sight of her face and remember it long after. What struck Alyosha most in that face was its expression of childlike good nature. There was a childlike look in her eyes, a look of childish delight. She came up to the table, beaming with delight and seeming to expect something with childish, impatient, and confiding curiosity. The light in her eyes gladdened the soul—Alyosha felt that. There was something else in her which he could not understand, or would not have been able to define, and which yet perhaps unconsciously affected him. It was that softness, that voluptuousness of her bodily movements, that catlike noiselessness. Yet it was a vigorous, ample body. Under the shawl could be seen full broad shoulders, a high, still quite girlish bosom. Her figure suggested the lines of the Venus of Milo, though already in somewhat exaggerated proportions. That could be divined. Connoisseurs of Russian beauty could have foretold with certainty that this fresh, still youthful beauty would lose its harmony by the age of thirty, wouldspread”; that the face would become puffy, and that wrinkles would very soon appear upon her forehead and round the eyes; the complexion would grow coarse and red perhapsin fact, that it was the beauty of the moment, the fleeting beauty which is so often met with in Russian women. Alyosha, of course, did not think of this; but though he was fascinated, yet he wondered with an unpleasant sensation, and as it were regretfully, why she drawled in that way and could not speak naturally. She did so evidently feeling there was a charm in the exaggerated, honeyed modulation of the syllables. It was, of course, only a bad, underbred habit that showed bad education and a false idea of good manners. And yet this intonation and manner of speaking impressed Alyosha as almost incredibly incongruous with the childishly simple and happy expression of her face, the soft, babyish joy in her eyes. Katerina Ivanovna at once made her sit down in an armchair facing Alyosha, and ecstatically kissed her several times on her smiling lips. She seemed quite in love with her.

33This is the first time weve met, Alexey Fyodorovitch,” she said rapturously. I wanted to know her, to see her. I wanted to go to her, but Id no sooner expressed the wish than she came to me. I knew we should settle everything togethereverything. My heart told me soI was begged not to take the step, but I foresaw it would be a way out of the difficulty, and I was not mistaken. Grushenka has explained everything to me, told me all she means to do. She flew here like an angel of goodness and brought us peace and joy.”

34You did not disdain me, sweet, excellent young lady,” drawled Grushenka in her singsong voice, still with the same charming smile of delight.

35Dont dare to speak to me like that, you sorceress, you witch! Disdain you! Here, I must kiss your lower lip once more. It looks as though it were swollen, and now it will be more so, and more and more. Look how she laughs, Alexey Fyodorovitch! It does ones heart good to see the angel.”

36Alyosha flushed, and faint, imperceptible shivers kept running down him.

37You make so much of me, dear young lady, and perhaps I am not at all worthy of your kindness.”

38Not worthy! Shes not worthy of it!” Katerina Ivanovna cried again with the same warmth. You know, Alexey Fyodorovitch, were fanciful, were selfwilled, but proudest of the proud in our little heart. Were noble, were generous, Alexey Fyodorovitch, let me tell you. We have only been unfortunate. We were too ready to make every sacrifice for an unworthy, perhaps, or fickle man. There was one manone, an officer too, we loved him, we sacrificed everything to him. That was long ago, five years ago, and he has forgotten us, he has married. Now he is a widower, he has written, he is coming here, and, do you know, weve loved him, none but him, all this time, and weve loved him all our life! He will come, and Grushenka will be happy again. For the last five years shes been wretched. But who can reproach her, who can boast of her favor? Only that bedridden old merchant, but he is more like her father, her friend, her protector. He found her then in despair, in agony, deserted by the man she loved. She was ready to drown herself then, but the old merchant saved hersaved her!”

39You defend me very kindly, dear young lady. You are in a great hurry about everything,” Grushenka drawled again.

40Defend you! Is it for me to defend you? Should I dare to defend you? Grushenka, angel, give me your hand. Look at that charming soft little hand, Alexey Fyodorovitch! Look at it! It has brought me happiness and has lifted me up, and Im going to kiss it, outside and inside, here, here, here!”

41And three times she kissed the certainly charming, though rather fat, hand of Grushenka in a sort of rapture. She held out her hand with a charming musical, nervous little laugh, watched thesweet young lady,” and obviously liked having her hand kissed.

42Perhaps theres rather too much rapture,” thought Alyosha. He blushed. He felt a peculiar uneasiness at heart the whole time.

43You wont make me blush, dear young lady, kissing my hand like this before Alexey Fyodorovitch.”

44Do you think I meant to make you blush?” said Katerina Ivanovna, somewhat surprised. Ah, my dear, how little you understand me!”

45Yes, and you too perhaps quite misunderstand me, dear young lady. Maybe Im not so good as I seem to you. Ive a bad heart; I will have my own way. I fascinated poor Dmitri Fyodorovitch that day simply for fun.”

46But now youll save him. Youve given me your word. Youll explain it all to him. Youll break to him that you have long loved another man, who is now offering you his hand.”

47Oh, no! I didn’t give you my word to do that. It was you kept talking about that. I didn’t give you my word.”

48Then I didn’t quite understand you,” said Katerina Ivanovna slowly, turning a little pale. You promised—”

49Oh, no, angel lady, Ive promised nothing,” Grushenka interrupted softly and evenly, still with the same gay and simple expression. You see at once, dear young lady, what a willful wretch I am compared with you. If I want to do a thing I do it. I may have made you some promise just now. But now again Im thinking: I may take to Mitya again. I liked him very much onceliked him for almost a whole hour. Now maybe I shall go and tell him to stay with me from this day forward. You see, Im so changeable.”

50Just now you saidsomething quite different,” Katerina Ivanovna whispered faintly.

51Ah, just now! But, you know. Im such a softhearted, silly creature. Only think what hes gone through on my account! What if when I go home I feel sorry for him? What then?”

52I never expected—”

53Ah, young lady, how good and generous you are compared with me! Now perhaps you wont care for a silly creature like me, now you know my character. Give me your sweet little hand, angelic lady,” she said tenderly, and with a sort of reverence took Katerina Ivanovna’s hand.

54Here, dear young lady, Ill take your hand and kiss it as you did mine. You kissed mine three times, but I ought to kiss yours three hundred times to be even with you. Well, but let that pass. And then it shall be as God wills. Perhaps I shall be your slave entirely and want to do your bidding like a slave. Let it be as God wills, without any agreements and promises. What a sweet handwhat a sweet hand you have! You sweet young lady, you incredible beauty!”

55She slowly raised the hands to her lips, with the strange object indeed ofbeing evenwith her in kisses.

56Katerina Ivanovna did not take her hand away. She listened with timid hope to the last words, though Grushenka’s promise to do her bidding like a slave was very strangely expressed. She looked intently into her eyes; she still saw in those eyes the same simplehearted, confiding expression, the same bright gayety.

57Shes perhaps too naïve,” thought Katerina Ivanovna, with a gleam of hope.

58Grushenka meanwhile seemed enthusiastic over thesweet hand.” She raised it deliberately to her lips. But she held it for two or three minutes near her lips, as though reconsidering something.

59Do you know, angel lady,” she suddenly drawled in an even more soft and sugary voice, “do you know, after all, I think I wont kiss your hand?” And she laughed a little merry laugh.

60As you please. Whats the matter with you?” said Katerina Ivanovna, starting suddenly.

61So that you may be left to remember that you kissed my hand, but I didn’t kiss yours.”

62There was a sudden gleam in her eyes. She looked with awful intentness at Katerina Ivanovna.

63Insolent creature!” cried Katerina Ivanovna, as though suddenly grasping something. She flushed all over and leapt up from her seat.

64Grushenka too got up, but without haste.

65So I shall tell Mitya how you kissed my hand, but I didn’t kiss yours at all. And how he will laugh!”

66Vile slut! Go away!”

67Ah, for shame, young lady! Ah, for shame! Thats unbecoming for you, dear young lady, a word like that.”

68Go away! Youre a creature for sale!” screamed Katerina Ivanovna. Every feature was working in her utterly distorted face.

69For sale indeed! You used to visit gentlemen in the dusk for money once; you brought your beauty for sale. You see, I know.”

70Katerina Ivanovna shrieked, and would have rushed at her, but Alyosha held her with all his strength.

71Not a step, not a word! Dont speak, dont answer her. Shell go awayshell go at once.”

72At that instant Katerina Ivanovna’s two aunts ran in at her cry, and with them a maidservant. All hurried to her.

73I will go away,” said Grushenka, taking up her mantle from the sofa. “Alyosha, darling, see me home!”

74Go awaygo away, make haste!” cried Alyosha, clasping his hands imploringly.

75Dear little Alyosha, see me home! Ive got a pretty little story to tell you on the way. I got up this scene for your benefit, Alyosha. See me home, dear, youll be glad of it afterwards.”

76Alyosha turned away, wringing his hands. Grushenka ran out of the house, laughing musically.

77Katerina Ivanovna went into a fit of hysterics. She sobbed, and was shaken with convulsions. Every one fussed round her.

78I warned you,” said the elder of her aunts. I tried to prevent your doing this. Youre too impulsive. How could you do such a thing? You dont know these creatures, and they say shes worse than any of them. You are too selfwilled.”

79Shes a tigress!” yelled Katerina Ivanovna. Why did you hold me, Alexey Fyodorovitch? Id have beaten herbeaten her!”

80She could not control herself before Alyosha; perhaps she did not care to, indeed.

81She ought to be flogged in public on a scaffold!”

82Alyosha withdrew towards the door.

83But, my God!” cried Katerina Ivanovna, clasping her hands. He! He! He could be so dishonorable, so inhuman! Why, he told that creature what happened on that fatal, accursed day! ‘You brought your beauty for sale, dear young lady.’ She knows it! Your brothers a scoundrel, Alexey Fyodorovitch.”

84Alyosha wanted to say something, but he couldn’t find a word. His heart ached.

85Go away, Alexey Fyodorovitch! Its shameful, its awful for me! Tomorrow, I beg you on my knees, come tomorrow. Dont condemn me. Forgive me. I dont know what I shall do with myself now!”

86Alyosha walked out into the street reeling. He could have wept as she did. Suddenly he was overtaken by the maid.

87The young lady forgot to give you this letter from Madame Hohlakov; its been left with us since dinnertime.”

88Alyosha took the little pink envelope mechanically and put it, almost unconsciously, into his pocket.