45. Chapter XLV In the Prison

Adam Bede / 亚当·比德

1Near sunset that evening an elderly gentleman was standing with his back against the smaller entrance-door of Stoniton jail, saying a few last words to the departing chaplain. The chaplain walked away, but the elderly gentleman stood still, looking down on the pavement and stroking his chin with a ruminating air, when he was roused by a sweet clear womans voice, saying, “Can I get into the prison, if you please?”

2He turned his head and looked fixedly at the speaker for a few moments without answering.

3I have seen you before,” he said at last. Do you remember preaching on the village green at Hayslope in Loamshire?”

4Yes, sir, surely. Are you the gentleman that stayed to listen on horseback?”

5Yes. Why do you want to go into the prison?”

6I want to go to Hetty Sorrel, the young woman who has been condemned to deathand to stay with her, if I may be permitted. Have you power in the prison, sir?”

7Yes; I am a magistrate, and can get admittance for you. But did you know this criminal, Hetty Sorrel?”

8Yes, we are kin. My own aunt married her uncle, Martin Poyser. But I was away at Leeds, and didn’t know of this great trouble in time to get here before to-day. I entreat you, sir, for the love of our heavenly Father, to let me go to her and stay with her.”

9How did you know she was condemned to death, if you are only just come from Leeds?”

10I have seen my uncle since the trial, sir. He is gone back to his home now, and the poor sinner is forsaken of all. I beseech you to get leave for me to be with her.”

11What! Have you courage to stay all night in the prison? She is very sullen, and will scarcely make answer when she is spoken to.”

12Oh, sir, it may please God to open her heart still. Dont let us delay.”

13Come, then,” said the elderly gentleman, ringing and gaining admission, “I know you have a key to unlock hearts.”

14Dinah mechanically took off her bonnet and shawl as soon as they were within the prison court, from the habit she had of throwing them off when she preached or prayed, or visited the sick; and when they entered the jailers room, she laid them down on a chair unthinkingly. There was no agitation visible in her, but a deep concentrated calmness, as if, even when she was speaking, her soul was in prayer reposing on an unseen support.

15After speaking to the jailer, the magistrate turned to her and said, “The turnkey will take you to the prisoners cell and leave you there for the night, if you desire it, but you cant have a light during the nightit is contrary to rules. My name is Colonel Townley: if I can help you in anything, ask the jailer for my address and come to me. I take some interest in this Hetty Sorrel, for the sake of that fine fellow, Adam Bede. I happened to see him at Hayslope the same evening I heard you preach, and recognized him in court to-day, ill as he looked.”

16Ah, sir, can you tell me anything about him? Can you tell me where he lodges? For my poor uncle was too much weighed down with trouble to remember.”

17Close by here. I inquired all about him of Mr. Irwine. He lodges over a tinman’s shop, in the street on the right hand as you entered the prison. There is an old school-master with him. Now, good-bye: I wish you success.”

18Farewell, sir. I am grateful to you.”

19As Dinah crossed the prison court with the turnkey, the solemn evening light seemed to make the walls higher than they were by day, and the sweet pale face in the cap was more than ever like a white flower on this background of gloom. The turnkey looked askance at her all the while, but never spoke. He somehow felt that the sound of his own rude voice would be grating just then. He struck a light as they entered the dark corridor leading to the condemned cell, and then said in his most civil tone, “Itll be pretty nigh dark in the cell aready, but I can stop with my light a bit, if you like.”

20Nay, friend, thank you,” said Dinah. I wish to go in alone.”

21As you like,” said the jailer, turning the harsh key in the lock and opening the door wide enough to admit Dinah. A jet of light from his lantern fell on the opposite corner of the cell, where Hetty was sitting on her straw pallet with her face buried in her knees. It seemed as if she were asleep, and yet the grating of the lock would have been likely to waken her.

22The door closed again, and the only light in the cell was that of the evening sky, through the small high gratingenough to discern human faces by. Dinah stood still for a minute, hesitating to speak because Hetty might be asleep, and looking at the motionless heap with a yearning heart. Then she said, softly, “Hetty!”

23There was a slight movement perceptible in Hettys framea start such as might have been produced by a feeble electrical shockbut she did not look up. Dinah spoke again, in a tone made stronger by irrepressible emotion, “Hetty... its Dinah.”

24Again there was a slight startled movement through Hettys frame, and without uncovering her face, she raised her head a little, as if listening.

25Hetty... Dinah is come to you.”

26After a moments pause, Hetty lifted her head slowly and timidly from her knees and raised her eyes. The two pale faces were looking at each other: one with a wild hard despair in it, the other full of sad yearning love. Dinah unconsciously opened her arms and stretched them out.

27Dont you know me, Hetty? Dont you remember Dinah? Did you think I wouldn’t come to you in trouble?”

28Hetty kept her eyes fixed on Dinah’s faceat first like an animal that gazes, and gazes, and keeps aloof.

29Im come to be with you, Hettynot to leave youto stay with youto be your sister to the last.”

30Slowly, while Dinah was speaking, Hetty rose, took a step forward, and was clasped in Dinah’s arms.

31They stood so a long while, for neither of them felt the impulse to move apart again. Hetty, without any distinct thought of it, hung on this something that was come to clasp her now, while she was sinking helpless in a dark gulf; and Dinah felt a deep joy in the first sign that her love was welcomed by the wretched lost one. The light got fainter as they stood, and when at last they sat down on the straw pallet together, their faces had become indistinct.

32Not a word was spoken. Dinah waited, hoping for a spontaneous word from Hetty, but she sat in the same dull despair, only clutching the hand that held hers and leaning her cheek against Dinah’s. It was the human contact she clung to, but she was not the less sinking into the dark gulf.

33Dinah began to doubt whether Hetty was conscious who it was that sat beside her. She thought suffering and fear might have driven the poor sinner out of her mind. But it was borne in upon her, as she afterwards said, that she must not hurry Gods work: we are overhasty to speakas if God did not manifest himself by our silent feeling, and make his love felt through ours. She did not know how long they sat in that way, but it got darker and darker, till there was only a pale patch of light on the opposite wall: all the rest was darkness. But she felt the Divine presence more and morenay, as if she herself were a part of it, and it was the Divine pity that was beating in her heart and was willing the rescue of this helpless one. At last she was prompted to speak and find out how far Hetty was conscious of the present.

34Hetty,” she said gently, “do you know who it is that sits by your side?”

35Yes,” Hetty answered slowly, “its Dinah.”

36And do you remember the time when we were at the Hall Farm together, and that night when I told you to be sure and think of me as a friend in trouble?”

37Yes,” said Hetty. Then, after a pause, she added, “But you can do nothing for me. You cant makeem do anything. Theyll hang me oMondayits Friday now.”

38As Hetty said the last words, she clung closer to Dinah, shuddering.

39No, Hetty, I cant save you from that death. But isn’t the suffering less hard when you have somebody with you, that feels for youthat you can speak to, and say whats in your heart?... Yes, Hetty: you lean on me: you are glad to have me with you.”

40You wont leave me, Dinah? Youll keep close to me?”

41No, Hetty, I wont leave you. Ill stay with you to the last.... But, Hetty, there is some one else in this cell besides me, some one close to you.”

42Hetty said, in a frightened whisper, “Who?”

43Some one who has been with you through all your hours of sin and troublewho has known every thought you have hadhas seen where you went, where you lay down and rose up again, and all the deeds you have tried to hide in darkness. And on Monday, when I cant follow youwhen my arms cant reach youwhen death has parted usHe who is with us now, and knows all, will be with you then. It makes no differencewhether we live or die, we are in the presence of God.”

44Oh, Dinah, wont nobody do anything for me? Will they hang me for certain?... I wouldn’t mind if theyd let me live.”

45My poor Hetty, death is very dreadful to you. I know its dreadful. But if you had a friend to take care of you after deathin that other worldsome one whose love is greater than minewho can do everything?... If God our Father was your friend, and was willing to save you from sin and suffering, so as you should neither know wicked feelings nor pain again? If you could believe he loved you and would help you, as you believe I love you and will help you, it wouldn’t be so hard to die on Monday, would it?”

46But I cant know anything about it,” Hetty said, with sullen sadness.

47Because, Hetty, you are shutting up your soul against him, by trying to hide the truth. Gods love and mercy can overcome all thingsour ignorance, and weakness, and all the burden of our past wickednessall things but our wilful sin, sin that we cling to, and will not give up. You believe in my love and pity for you, Hetty, but if you had not let me come near you, if you wouldn’t have looked at me or spoken to me, youd have shut me out from helping you. I couldn’t have made you feel my love; I couldn’t have told you what I felt for you. Dont shut Gods love out in that way, by clinging to sin.... He cant bless you while you have one falsehood in your soul; his pardoning mercy cant reach you until you open your heart to him, and say, ‘I have done this great wickedness; O God, save me, make me pure from sin.’ While you cling to one sin and will not part with it, it must drag you down to misery after death, as it has dragged you to misery here in this world, my poor, poor Hetty. It is sin that brings dread, and darkness, and despair: there is light and blessedness for us as soon as we cast it off. God enters our souls then, and teaches us, and brings us strength and peace. Cast it off now, Hettynow: confess the wickedness you have donethe sin you have been guilty of against your Heavenly Father. Let us kneel down together, for we are in the presence of God.”

48Hetty obeyed Dinah’s movement, and sank on her knees. They still held each others hands, and there was long silence. Then Dinah said, “Hetty, we are before God. He is waiting for you to tell the truth.”

49Still there was silence. At last Hetty spoke, in a tone of beseeching

50“Dinah... help me... I cant feel anything like you...my heart is hard.”

51Dinah held the clinging hand, and all her soul went forth in her voice:

52Jesus, thou present Saviour! Thou hast known the depths of all sorrow: thou hast entered that black darkness where God is not, and hast uttered the cry of the forsaken. Come Lord, and gather of the fruits of thy travail and thy pleading. Stretch forth thy hand, thou who art mighty to save to the uttermost, and rescue this lost one. She is clothed round with thick darkness. The fetters of her sin are upon her, and she cannot stir to come to thee. She can only feel her heart is hard, and she is helpless. She cries to me, thy weak creature.... Saviour! It is a blind cry to thee. Hear it! Pierce the darkness! Look upon her with thy face of love and sorrow that thou didst turn on him who denied thee, and melt her hard heart.

53See, Lord, I bring her, as they of old brought the sick and helpless, and thou didst heal them. I bear her on my arms and carry her before thee. Fear and trembling have taken hold on her, but she trembles only at the pain and death of the body. Breathe upon her thy life-giving Spirit, and put a new fear within herthe fear of her sin. Make her dread to keep the accursed thing within her soul. Make her feel the presence of the living God, who beholds all the past, to whom the darkness is as noonday; who is waiting now, at the eleventh hour, for her to turn to him, and confess her sin, and cry for mercynow, before the night of death comes, and the moment of pardon is for ever fled, like yesterday that returneth not.

54Saviour! It is yet timetime to snatch this poor soul from everlasting darkness. I believeI believe in thy infinite love. What is my love or my pleading? It is quenched in thine. I can only clasp her in my weak arms and urge her with my weak pity. Thouthou wilt breathe on the dead soul, and it shall arise from the unanswering sleep of death.

55Yea, Lord, I see thee, coming through the darkness, coming, like the morning, with healing on thy wings. The marks of thy agony are upon theeI see, I see thou art able and willing to savethou wilt not let her perish for ever. Come, mighty Saviour! Let the dead hear thy voice. Let the eyes of the blind be opened. Let her see that God encompasses her. Let her tremble at nothing but at the sin that cuts her off from him. Melt the hard heart. Unseal the closed lips: make her cry with her whole soul, ‘Father, I have sinned.’...”

56“Dinah,” Hetty sobbed out, throwing her arms round Dinah’s neck, “I will speak... I will tell... I wont hide it any more.”

57But the tears and sobs were too violent. Dinah raised her gently from her knees and seated her on the pallet again, sitting down by her side. It was a long time before the convulsed throat was quiet, and even then they sat some time in stillness and darkness, holding each others hands. At last Hetty whispered, “I did do it, Dinah... I buried it in the wood... the little baby... and it cried... I heard it cry... ever such a way off... all night... and I went back because it cried.”

58She paused, and then spoke hurriedly in a louder, pleading tone.

59But I thought perhaps it wouldn’t diethere might somebody find it. I didn’t kill itI didn’t kill it myself. I put it down there and covered it up, and when I came back it was gone.... It was because I was so very miserable, Dinah... I didn’t know where to go... and I tried to kill myself before, and I couldn’t. Oh, I tried so to drown myself in the pool, and I couldn’t. I went to WindsorI ran awaydid you know? I went to find him, as he might take care of me; and he was gone; and then I didn’t know what to do. I daredn’t go back home againI couldn’t bear it. I couldn’t have bore to look at anybody, for theyd have scorned me. I thought oyou sometimes, and thought Id come to you, for I didn’t think youd be cross with me, and cry shame on me. I thought I could tell you. But then the other folks ’ud come to know it at last, and I couldn’t bear that. It was partly thinking oyou made me come toward Stoniton; and, besides, I was so frightened at going wandering about till I was a beggar-woman, and had nothing; and sometimes it seemed as if I must go back to the farm sooner than that. Oh, it was so dreadful, Dinah... I was so miserable... I wished Id never been born into this world. I should never like to go into the green fields againI hatedem so in my misery.”

60Hetty paused again, as if the sense of the past were too strong upon her for words.

61And then I got to Stoniton, and I began to feel frightened that night, because I was so near home. And then the little baby was born, when I didn’t expect it; and the thought came into my mind that I might get rid of it and go home again. The thought came all of a sudden, as I was lying in the bed, and it got stronger and stronger... I longed so to go back again... I couldn’t bear being so lonely and coming to beg for want. And it gave me strength and resolution to get up and dress myself. I felt I must do it... I didn’t know how... I thought Id find a pool, if I could, like that other, in the corner of the field, in the dark. And when the woman went out, I felt as if I was strong enough to do anything... I thought I should get rid of all my misery, and go back home, and never letem know why I ran away. I put on my bonnet and shawl, and went out into the dark street, with the baby under my cloak; and I walked fast till I got into a street a good way off, and there was a public, and I got some warm stuff to drink and some bread. And I walked on and on, and I hardly felt the ground I trod on; and it got lighter, for there came the moonoh, Dinah, it frightened me when it first looked at me out othe cloudsit never looked so before; and I turned out of the road into the fields, for I was afraid omeeting anybody with the moon shining on me. And I came to a haystack, where I thought I could lie down and keep myself warm all night. There was a place cut into it, where I could make me a bed, and I lay comfortable, and the baby was warm against me; and I must have gone to sleep for a good while, for when I woke it was morning, but not very light, and the baby was crying. And I saw a wood a little way off... I thought thered perhaps be a ditch or a pond there... and it was so early I thought I could hide the child there, and get a long way off before folks was up. And then I thought Id go homeId get rides in carts and go home and tellem Id been to try and see for a place, and couldn’t get one. I longed so for it, Dinah, I longed so to be safe at home. I dont know how I felt about the baby. I seemed to hate itit was like a heavy weight hanging round my neck; and yet its crying went through me, and I daredn’t look at its little hands and face. But I went on to the wood, and I walked about, but there was no water....”

62Hetty shuddered. She was silent for some moments, and when she began again, it was in a whisper.

63I came to a place where there was lots of chips and turf, and I sat down on the trunk of a tree to think what I should do. And all of a sudden I saw a hole under the nut-tree, like a little grave. And it darted into me like lightningId lay the baby there and cover it with the grass and the chips. I couldn’t kill it any other way. And Id done it in a minute; and, oh, it cried so, Dinah—I couldn’t cover it quite upI thought perhaps somebody ’ud come and take care of it, and then it wouldn’t die. And I made haste out of the wood, but I could hear it crying all the while; and when I got out into the fields, it was as if I was held fastI couldn’t go away, for all I wanted so to go. And I sat against the haystack to watch if anybody ’ud come. I was very hungry, and Id only a bit of bread left, but I couldn’t go away. And after ever such a whilehours and hoursthe man camehim in a smock-frock, and he looked at me so, I was frightened, and I made haste and went on. I thought he was going to the wood and would perhaps find the baby. And I went right on, till I came to a village, a long way off from the wood, and I was very sick, and faint, and hungry. I got something to eat there, and bought a loaf. But I was frightened to stay. I heard the baby crying, and thought the other folks heard it tooand I went on. But I was so tired, and it was getting towards dark. And at last, by the roadside there was a barnever such a way off any houselike the barn in Abbots Close, and I thought I could go in there and hide myself among the hay and straw, and nobody ’ud be likely to come. I went in, and it was half full otrusses of straw, and there was some hay too. And I made myself a bed, ever so far behind, where nobody could find me; and I was so tired and weak, I went to sleep.... But oh, the babys crying kept waking me, and I thought that man as looked at me so was come and laying hold of me. But I must have slept a long while at last, though I didn’t know, for when I got up and went out of the barn, I didn’t know whether it was night or morning. But it was morning, for it kept getting lighter, and I turned back the way Id come. I couldn’t help it, Dinah; it was the babys crying made me goand yet I was frightened to death. I thought that man in the smock-frock ’ud see me and know I put the baby there. But I went on, for all that. Id left off thinking about going homeit had gone out omy mind. I saw nothing but that place in the wood where Id buried the baby... I see it now. Oh Dinah! shall I allays see it?”

64Hetty clung round Dinah and shuddered again. The silence seemed long before she went on.

65I met nobody, for it was very early, and I got into the wood.... I knew the way to the place... the place against the nut-tree; and I could hear it crying at every step.... I thought it was alive.... I dont know whether I was frightened or glad... I dont know what I felt. I only know I was in the wood and heard the cry. I dont know what I felt till I saw the baby was gone. And when Id put it there, I thought I should like somebody to find it and save it from dying; but when I saw it was gone, I was struck like a stone, with fear. I never thought ostirring, I felt so weak. I knew I couldn’t run away, and everybody as saw me ’ud know about the baby. My heart went like a stone. I couldn’t wish or try for anything; it seemed like as if I should stay there for ever, and nothing ’ud ever change. But they came and took me away.”

66Hetty was silent, but she shuddered again, as if there was still something behind; and Dinah waited, for her heart was so full that tears must come before words. At last Hetty burst out, with a sob, “Dinah, do you think God will take away that crying and the place in the wood, now Ive told everything?”

67Let us pray, poor sinner. Let us fall on our knees again, and pray to the God of all mercy.”