17. Chapter XVII. WHEN WENDY GREW UP

Peter Pan / PETER AND WENDY / 彼得·潘

1I hope you want to know what became of the other boys. They were waiting below to give Wendy time to explain about them; and when they had counted five hundred they went up. They went up by the stair, because they thought this would make a better impression. They stood in a row in front of Mrs. Darling, with their hats off, and wishing they were not wearing their pirate clothes. They said nothing, but their eyes asked her to have them. They ought to have looked at Mr. Darling also, but they forgot about him.

2Of course Mrs. Darling said at once that she would have them; but Mr. Darling was curiously depressed, and they saw that he considered six a rather large number.

3I must say,” he said to Wendy, “that you dont do things by halves,” a grudging remark which the twins thought was pointed at them.

4The first twin was the proud one, and he asked, flushing, “Do you think we should be too much of a handful, sir? Because, if so, we can go away.”

5Father!” Wendy cried, shocked; but still the cloud was on him. He knew he was behaving unworthily, but he could not help it.

6We could lie doubled up,” said Nibs.

7I always cut their hair myself,” said Wendy.

8George!” Mrs. Darling exclaimed, pained to see her dear one showing himself in such an unfavourable light.

9Then he burst into tears, and the truth came out. He was as glad to have them as she was, he said, but he thought they should have asked his consent as well as hers, instead of treating him as a cypher in his own house.

10I dont think he is a cypher,” Tootles cried instantly. Do you think he is a cypher, Curly?”

11No, I dont. Do you think he is a cypher, Slightly?”

12Rather not. Twin, what do you think?”

13It turned out that not one of them thought him a cypher; and he was absurdly gratified, and said he would find space for them all in the drawing-room if they fitted in.

14Well fit in, sir,” they assured him.

15Then follow the leader,” he cried gaily. Mind you, I am not sure that we have a drawing-room, but we pretend we have, and its all the same. Hoop la!”

16He went off dancing through the house, and they all criedHoop la!” and danced after him, searching for the drawing-room; and I forget whether they found it, but at any rate they found corners, and they all fitted in.

17As for Peter, he saw Wendy once again before he flew away. He did not exactly come to the window, but he brushed against it in passing so that she could open it if she liked and call to him. That is what she did.

18Hullo, Wendy, good-bye,” he said.

19Oh dear, are you going away?”

20Yes.”

21You dont feel, Peter,” she said falteringly, “that you would like to say anything to my parents about a very sweet subject?”

22No.”

23About me, Peter?”

24No.”

25Mrs. Darling came to the window, for at present she was keeping a sharp eye on Wendy. She told Peter that she had adopted all the other boys, and would like to adopt him also.

26Would you send me to school?” he inquired craftily.

27Yes.”

28And then to an office?”

29I suppose so.”

30Soon I would be a man?”

31Very soon.”

32I dont want to go to school and learn solemn things,” he told her passionately. I dont want to be a man. O Wendys mother, if I was to wake up and feel there was a beard!”

33Peter,” said Wendy the comforter, “I should love you in a beard;” and Mrs. Darling stretched out her arms to him, but he repulsed her.

34Keep back, lady, no one is going to catch me and make me a man.”

35But where are you going to live?”

36With Tink in the house we built for Wendy. The fairies are to put it high up among the tree tops where they sleep at nights.”

37How lovely,” cried Wendy so longingly that Mrs. Darling tightened her grip.

38I thought all the fairies were dead,” Mrs. Darling said.

39There are always a lot of young ones,” explained Wendy, who was now quite an authority, “because you see when a new baby laughs for the first time a new fairy is born, and as there are always new babies there are always new fairies. They live in nests on the tops of trees; and the mauve ones are boys and the white ones are girls, and the blue ones are just little sillies who are not sure what they are.”

40I shall have such fun,” said Peter, with eye on Wendy.

41It will be rather lonely in the evening,” she said, “sitting by the fire.”

42I shall have Tink.”

43“Tink cant go a twentieth part of the way round,” she reminded him a little tartly.

44Sneaky tell-tale!” Tink called out from somewhere round the corner.

45It doesn’t matter,” Peter said.

46O Peter, you know it matters.”

47Well, then, come with me to the little house.”

48May I, mummy?”

49Certainly not. I have got you home again, and I mean to keep you.”

50But he does so need a mother.”

51So do you, my love.”

52Oh, all right,” Peter said, as if he had asked her from politeness merely; but Mrs. Darling saw his mouth twitch, and she made this handsome offer: to let Wendy go to him for a week every year to do his spring cleaning. Wendy would have preferred a more permanent arrangement; and it seemed to her that spring would be long in coming; but this promise sent Peter away quite gay again. He had no sense of time, and was so full of adventures that all I have told you about him is only a halfpenny-worth of them. I suppose it was because Wendy knew this that her last words to him were these rather plaintive ones:

53You wont forget me, Peter, will you, before spring cleaning time comes?”

54Of course Peter promised; and then he flew away. He took Mrs. Darlings kiss with him. The kiss that had been for no one else, Peter took quite easily. Funny. But she seemed satisfied.

55Of course all the boys went to school; and most of them got into Class III, but Slightly was put first into Class IV and then into Class V. Class I is the top class. Before they had attended school a week they saw what goats they had been not to remain on the island; but it was too late now, and soon they settled down to being as ordinary as you or me or Jenkins minor. It is sad to have to say that the power to fly gradually left them. At first Nana tied their feet to the bed-posts so that they should not fly away in the night; and one of their diversions by day was to pretend to fall off buses; but by and by they ceased to tug at their bonds in bed, and found that they hurt themselves when they let go of the bus. In time they could not even fly after their hats. Want of practice, they called it; but what it really meant was that they no longer believed.

56Michael believed longer than the other boys, though they jeered at him; so he was with Wendy when Peter came for her at the end of the first year. She flew away with Peter in the frock she had woven from leaves and berries in the Neverland, and her one fear was that he might notice how short it had become; but he never noticed, he had so much to say about himself.

57She had looked forward to thrilling talks with him about old times, but new adventures had crowded the old ones from his mind.

58Who is Captain Hook?” he asked with interest when she spoke of the arch enemy.

59Dont you remember,” she asked, amazed, “how you killed him and saved all our lives?”

60I forget them after I kill them,” he replied carelessly.

61When she expressed a doubtful hope that Tinker Bell would be glad to see her he said, “Who is Tinker Bell?”

62O Peter,” she said, shocked; but even when she explained he could not remember.

63There are such a lot of them,” he said. I expect she is no more.”

64I expect he was right, for fairies dont live long, but they are so little that a short time seems a good while to them.

65Wendy was pained too to find that the past year was but as yesterday to Peter; it had seemed such a long year of waiting to her. But he was exactly as fascinating as ever, and they had a lovely spring cleaning in the little house on the tree tops.

66Next year he did not come for her. She waited in a new frock because the old one simply would not meet; but he never came.

67Perhaps he is ill,” Michael said.

68You know he is never ill.”

69Michael came close to her and whispered, with a shiver, “Perhaps there is no such person, Wendy!” and then Wendy would have cried if Michael had not been crying.

70Peter came next spring cleaning; and the strange thing was that he never knew he had missed a year.

71That was the last time the girl Wendy ever saw him. For a little longer she tried for his sake not to have growing pains; and she felt she was untrue to him when she got a prize for general knowledge. But the years came and went without bringing the careless boy; and when they met again Wendy was a married woman, and Peter was no more to her than a little dust in the box in which she had kept her toys. Wendy was grown up. You need not be sorry for her. She was one of the kind that likes to grow up. In the end she grew up of her own free will a day quicker than other girls.

72All the boys were grown up and done for by this time; so it is scarcely worth while saying anything more about them. You may see the twins and Nibs and Curly any day going to an office, each carrying a little bag and an umbrella. Michael is an engine-driver. Slightly married a lady of title, and so he became a lord. You see that judge in a wig coming out at the iron door? That used to be Tootles. The bearded man who doesn’t know any story to tell his children was once John.

73Wendy was married in white with a pink sash. It is strange to think that Peter did not alight in the church and forbid the banns.

74Years rolled on again, and Wendy had a daughter. This ought not to be written in ink but in a golden splash.

75She was called Jane, and always had an odd inquiring look, as if from the moment she arrived on the mainland she wanted to ask questions. When she was old enough to ask them they were mostly about Peter Pan. She loved to hear of Peter, and Wendy told her all she could remember in the very nursery from which the famous flight had taken place. It was Janes nursery now, for her father had bought it at the three per cents from Wendys father, who was no longer fond of stairs. Mrs. Darling was now dead and forgotten.

76There were only two beds in the nursery now, Janes and her nurses; and there was no kennel, for Nana also had passed away. She died of old age, and at the end she had been rather difficult to get on with; being very firmly convinced that no one knew how to look after children except herself.

77Once a week Janes nurse had her evening off; and then it was Wendys part to put Jane to bed. That was the time for stories. It was Janes invention to raise the sheet over her mothers head and her own, thus making a tent, and in the awful darkness to whisper:

78What do we see now?”

79I dont think I see anything to-night,” says Wendy, with a feeling that if Nana were here she would object to further conversation.

80Yes, you do,” says Jane, “you see when you were a little girl.”

81That is a long time ago, sweetheart,” says Wendy. Ah me, how time flies!”

82Does it fly,” asks the artful child, “the way you flew when you were a little girl?”

83The way I flew? Do you know, Jane, I sometimes wonder whether I ever did really fly.”

84Yes, you did.”

85The dear old days when I could fly!”

86Why cant you fly now, mother?”

87Because I am grown up, dearest. When people grow up they forget the way.”

88Why do they forget the way?”

89Because they are no longer gay and innocent and heartless. It is only the gay and innocent and heartless who can fly.”

90What is gay and innocent and heartless? I do wish I were gay and innocent and heartless.”

91Or perhaps Wendy admits she does see something.

92I do believe,” she says, “that it is this nursery.”

93I do believe it is,” says Jane. Go on.”

94They are now embarked on the great adventure of the night when Peter flew in looking for his shadow.

95The foolish fellow,” says Wendy, “tried to stick it on with soap, and when he could not he cried, and that woke me, and I sewed it on for him.”

96You have missed a bit,” interrupts Jane, who now knows the story better than her mother. When you saw him sitting on the floor crying, what did you say?”

97I sat up in bed and I said, ‘Boy, why are you crying?’”

98Yes, that was it,” says Jane, with a big breath.

99And then he flew us all away to the Neverland and the fairies and the pirates and the redskins and the mermaidslagoon, and the home under the ground, and the little house.”

100Yes! which did you like best of all?”

101I think I liked the home under the ground best of all.”

102Yes, so do I. What was the last thing Peter ever said to you?”

103The last thing he ever said to me was, ‘Just always be waiting for me, and then some night you will hear me crowing.’”

104Yes.”

105But, alas, he forgot all about me,” Wendy said it with a smile. She was as grown up as that.

106What did his crow sound like?” Jane asked one evening.

107It was like this,” Wendy said, trying to imitate Peters crow.

108No, it wasn’t,” Jane said gravely, “it was like this;” and she did it ever so much better than her mother.

109Wendy was a little startled. My darling, how can you know?”

110I often hear it when I am sleeping,” Jane said.

111Ah yes, many girls hear it when they are sleeping, but I was the only one who heard it awake.”

112Lucky you,” said Jane.

113And then one night came the tragedy. It was the spring of the year, and the story had been told for the night, and Jane was now asleep in her bed. Wendy was sitting on the floor, very close to the fire, so as to see to darn, for there was no other light in the nursery; and while she sat darning she heard a crow. Then the window blew open as of old, and Peter dropped in on the floor.

114He was exactly the same as ever, and Wendy saw at once that he still had all his first teeth.

115He was a little boy, and she was grown up. She huddled by the fire not daring to move, helpless and guilty, a big woman.

116Hullo, Wendy,” he said, not noticing any difference, for he was thinking chiefly of himself; and in the dim light her white dress might have been the nightgown in which he had seen her first.

117Hullo, Peter,” she replied faintly, squeezing herself as small as possible. Something inside her was cryingWoman, Woman, let go of me.”

118Hullo, where is John?” he asked, suddenly missing the third bed.

119John is not here now,” she gasped.

120Is Michael asleep?” he asked, with a careless glance at Jane.

121Yes,” she answered; and now she felt that she was untrue to Jane as well as to Peter.

122That is not Michael,” she said quickly, lest a judgment should fall on her.

123Peter looked. Hullo, is it a new one?”

124Yes.”

125Boy or girl?”

126Girl.”

127Now surely he would understand; but not a bit of it.

128Peter,” she said, faltering, “are you expecting me to fly away with you?”

129Of course; that is why I have come.” He added a little sternly, “Have you forgotten that this is spring cleaning time?”

130She knew it was useless to say that he had let many spring cleaning times pass.

131I cant come,” she said apologetically, “I have forgotten how to fly.”

132Ill soon teach you again.”

133O Peter, dont waste the fairy dust on me.”

134She had risen; and now at last a fear assailed him. What is it?” he cried, shrinking.

135I will turn up the light,” she said, “and then you can see for yourself.”

136For almost the only time in his life that I know of, Peter was afraid. Dont turn up the light,” he cried.

137She let her hands play in the hair of the tragic boy. She was not a little girl heart-broken about him; she was a grown woman smiling at it all, but they were wet-eyed smiles.

138Then she turned up the light, and Peter saw. He gave a cry of pain; and when the tall beautiful creature stooped to lift him in her arms he drew back sharply.

139What is it?” he cried again.

140She had to tell him.

141I am old, Peter. I am ever so much more than twenty. I grew up long ago.”

142You promised not to!”

143I couldn’t help it. I am a married woman, Peter.”

144No, youre not.”

145Yes, and the little girl in the bed is my baby.”

146No, shes not.”

147But he supposed she was; and he took a step towards the sleeping child with his dagger upraised. Of course he did not strike. He sat down on the floor instead and sobbed; and Wendy did not know how to comfort him, though she could have done it so easily once. She was only a woman now, and she ran out of the room to try to think.

148Peter continued to cry, and soon his sobs woke Jane. She sat up in bed, and was interested at once.

149Boy,” she said, “why are you crying?”

150Peter rose and bowed to her, and she bowed to him from the bed.

151Hullo,” he said.

152Hullo,” said Jane.

153My name is Peter Pan,” he told her.

154Yes, I know.”

155I came back for my mother,” he explained, “to take her to the Neverland.”

156Yes, I know,” Jane said, “I have been waiting for you.”

157When Wendy returned diffidently she found Peter sitting on the bed-post crowing gloriously, while Jane in her nighty was flying round the room in solemn ecstasy.

158She is my mother,” Peter explained; and Jane descended and stood by his side, with the look in her face that he liked to see on ladies when they gazed at him.

159He does so need a mother,” Jane said.

160Yes, I know,” Wendy admitted rather forlornly; “no one knows it so well as I.”

161Good-bye,” said Peter to Wendy; and he rose in the air, and the shameless Jane rose with him; it was already her easiest way of moving about.

162Wendy rushed to the window.

163No, no,” she cried.

164It is just for spring cleaning time,” Jane said, “he wants me always to do his spring cleaning.”

165If only I could go with you,” Wendy sighed.

166You see you cant fly,” said Jane.

167Of course in the end Wendy let them fly away together. Our last glimpse of her shows her at the window, watching them receding into the sky until they were as small as stars.

168As you look at Wendy, you may see her hair becoming white, and her figure little again, for all this happened long ago. Jane is now a common grown-up, with a daughter called Margaret; and every spring cleaning time, except when he forgets, Peter comes for Margaret and takes her to the Neverland, where she tells him stories about himself, to which he listens eagerly. When Margaret grows up she will have a daughter, who is to be Peters mother in turn; and thus it will go on, so long as children are gay and innocent and heartless.