2. CHAPTER II THE BIRTH OF PAUL, AND ANOTHER BATTLE

Sons and Lovers / 儿子与情人

1After such a scene as the last, Walter Morel was for some days abashed and ashamed, but he soon regained his old bullying indifference. Yet there was a slight shrinking, a diminishing in his assurance. Physically even, he shrank, and his fine full presence waned. He never grew in the least stout, so that, as he sank from his erect, assertive bearing, his physique seemed to contract along with his pride and moral strength.

2But now he realised how hard it was for his wife to drag about at her work, and, his sympathy quickened by penitence, hastened forward with his help. He came straight home from the pit, and stayed in at evening till Friday, and then he could not remain at home. But he was back again by ten oclock, almost quite sober.

3He always made his own breakfast. Being a man who rose early and had plenty of time he did not, as some miners do, drag his wife out of bed at six oclock. At five, sometimes earlier, he woke, got straight out of bed, and went downstairs. When she could not sleep, his wife lay waiting for this time, as for a period of peace. The only real rest seemed to be when he was out of the house.

4He went downstairs in his shirt and then struggled into his pit-trousers, which were left on the hearth to warm all night. There was always a fire, because Mrs. Morel raked. And the first sound in the house was the bang, bang of the poker against the raker, as Morel smashed the remainder of the coal to make the kettle, which was filled and left on the hob, finally boil. His cup and knife and fork, all he wanted except just the food, was laid ready on the table on a newspaper. Then he got his breakfast, made the tea, packed the bottom of the doors with rugs to shut out the draught, piled a big fire, and sat down to an hour of joy. He toasted his bacon on a fork and caught the drops of fat on his bread; then he put the rasher on his thick slice of bread, and cut off chunks with a clasp-knife, poured his tea into his saucer, and was happy. With his family about, meals were never so pleasant. He loathed a fork: it is a modern introduction which has still scarcely reached common people. What Morel preferred was a clasp-knife. Then, in solitude, he ate and drank, often sitting, in cold weather, on a little stool with his back to the warm chimney-piece, his food on the fender, his cup on the hearth. And then he read the last nights newspaperwhat of it he couldspelling it over laboriously. He preferred to keep the blinds down and the candle lit even when it was daylight; it was the habit of the mine.

5At a quarter to six he rose, cut two thick slices of bread and butter, and put them in the white calico snap-bag. He filled his tin bottle with tea. Cold tea without milk or sugar was the drink he preferred for the pit. Then he pulled off his shirt, and put on his pit-singlet, a vest of thick flannel cut low round the neck, and with short sleeves like a chemise.

6Then he went upstairs to his wife with a cup of tea because she was ill, and because it occurred to him.

7Ive brought thee a cup otea, lass,” he said.

8Well, you needn’t, for you know I dont like it,” she replied.

9Drink it up; itll pop thee off to sleep again.”

10She accepted the tea. It pleased him to see her take it and sip it.

11Ill back my life theres no sugar in,” she said.

12“Yi—theres one big un,” he replied, injured.

13Its a wonder,” she said, sipping again.

14She had a winsome face when her hair was loose. He loved her to grumble at him in this manner. He looked at her again, and went, without any sort of leave-taking. He never took more than two slices of bread and butter to eat in the pit, so an apple or an orange was a treat to him. He always liked it when she put one out for him. He tied a scarf round his neck, put on his great, heavy boots, his coat, with the big pocket, that carried his snap-bag and his bottle of tea, and went forth into the fresh morning air, closing, without locking, the door behind him. He loved the early morning, and the walk across the fields. So he appeared at the pit-top, often with a stalk from the hedge between his teeth, which he chewed all day to keep his mouth moist, down the mine, feeling quite as happy as when he was in the field.

15Later, when the time for the baby grew nearer, he would bustle round in his slovenly fashion, poking out the ashes, rubbing the fireplace, sweeping the house before he went to work. Then, feeling very self-righteous, he went upstairs.

16Now Im cleaned up for thee: tha’s no ’casions ter stir a peg all day, but sit and read thy books.”

17Which made her laugh, in spite of her indignation.

18And the dinner cooks itself?” she answered.

19Eh, I know nowt about thdinner.”

20Youd know if there weren’t any.”

21Ay, ’appen so,” he answered, departing.

22When she got downstairs, she would find the house tidy, but dirty. She could not rest until she had thoroughly cleaned; so she went down to the ash-pit with her dustpan. Mrs. Kirk, spying her, would contrive to have to go to her own coal-place at that minute. Then, across the wooden fence, she would call:

23So you keep wagging on, then?”

24Ay,” answered Mrs. Morel deprecatingly. Theres nothing else for it.”

25Have you seen Hose?” called a very small woman from across the road. It was Mrs. Anthony, a black-haired, strange little body, who always wore a brown velvet dress, tight fitting.

26I havent,” said Mrs. Morel.

27Eh, I wish hed come. Ive got a copperful of clothes, anIm sure I heered his bell.”

28Hark! Hes at the end.”

29The two women looked down the alley. At the end of the Bottoms a man stood in a sort of old-fashioned trap, bending over bundles of cream-coloured stuff; while a cluster of women held up their arms to him, some with bundles. Mrs. Anthony herself had a heap of creamy, undyed stockings hanging over her arm.

30Ive done ten dozen this week,” she said proudly to Mrs. Morel.

31T-t-t!” went the other. I dont know how you can find time.”

32Eh!” said Mrs. Anthony. You can find time if you make time.”

33I dont know how you do it,” said Mrs. Morel. And how much shall you get for those many?”

34Tuppence-hapenny a dozen,” replied the other.

35Well,” said Mrs. Morel. Id starve before Id sit down and seam twenty-four stockings for twopence hapenny.”

36Oh, I dont know,” said Mrs. Anthony. You can rip along withem.”

37Hose was coming along, ringing his bell. Women were waiting at the yard-ends with their seamed stockings hanging over their arms. The man, a common fellow, made jokes with them, tried to swindle them, and bullied them. Mrs. Morel went up her yard disdainfully.

38It was an understood thing that if one woman wanted her neighbour, she should put the poker in the fire and bang at the back of the fireplace, which, as the fires were back to back, would make a great noise in the adjoining house. One morning Mrs. Kirk, mixing a pudding, nearly started out of her skin as she heard the thud, thud, in her grate. With her hands all floury, she rushed to the fence.

39Did you knock, Mrs. Morel?”

40If you wouldn’t mind, Mrs. Kirk.”

41Mrs. Kirk climbed on to her copper, got over the wall on to Mrs. Morels copper, and ran in to her neighbour.

42Eh, dear, how are you feeling?” she cried in concern.

43You might fetch Mrs. Bower,” said Mrs. Morel.

44Mrs. Kirk went into the yard, lifted up her strong, shrill voice, and called:

45Ag-gie—Ag-gie!”

46The sound was heard from one end of the Bottoms to the other. At last Aggie came running up, and was sent for Mrs. Bower, whilst Mrs. Kirk left her pudding and stayed with her neighbour.

47Mrs. Morel went to bed. Mrs. Kirk had Annie and William for dinner. Mrs. Bower, fat and waddling, bossed the house.

48Hash some cold meat up for the masters dinner, and make him an apple-charlotte pudding,” said Mrs. Morel.

49He may go without pudding this day,” said Mrs. Bower.

50Morel was not as a rule one of the first to appear at the bottom of the pit, ready to come up. Some men were there before four oclock, when the whistle blew loose-all; but Morel, whose stall, a poor one, was at this time about a mile and a half away from the bottom, worked usually till the first mate stopped, then he finished also. This day, however, the miner was sick of the work. At two oclock he looked at his watch, by the light of the green candlehe was in a safe workingand again at half-past two. He was hewing at a piece of rock that was in the way for the next days work. As he sat on his heels, or kneeled, giving hard blows with his pick, “Uszza—uszza!” he went.

51Shall ter finish, Sorry?” cried Barker, his fellow butty.

52Finish? Niver while the world stands!” growled Morel.

53And he went on striking. He was tired.

54Its a heart-breaking job,” said Barker.

55But Morel was too exasperated, at the end of his tether, to answer. Still he struck and hacked with all his might.

56“Tha might as well leave it, Walter,” said Barker. Itll do to-morrow, without thee hackin’ thy guts out.”

57Ill lay no b—— finger on this to-morrow, Isr’el!” cried Morel.

58Oh, well, if tha wunna, somebody elsell hae to,” said Israel.

59Then Morel continued to strike.

60Hey-up thereloose-a’!” cried the men, leaving the next stall.

61Morel continued to strike.

62“Tha’ll happen catch me up,” said Barker, departing.

63When he had gone, Morel, left alone, felt savage. He had not finished his job. He had overworked himself into a frenzy. Rising, wet with sweat, he threw his tool down, pulled on his coat, blew out his candle, took his lamp, and went. Down the main road the lights of the other men went swinging. There was a hollow sound of many voices. It was a long, heavy tramp underground.

64He sat at the bottom of the pit, where the great drops of water fell plash. Many colliers were waiting their turns to go up, talking noisily. Morel gave his answers short and disagreeable.

65Its rainin’, Sorry,” said old Giles, who had had the news from the top.

66Morel found one comfort. He had his old umbrella, which he loved, in the lamp cabin. At last he took his stand on the chair, and was at the top in a moment. Then he handed in his lamp and got his umbrella, which he had bought at an auction for one-and-six. He stood on the edge of the pit-bank for a moment, looking out over the fields; grey rain was falling. The trucks stood full of wet, bright coal. Water ran down the sides of the waggons, over the whiteC.W. and Co.” Colliers, walking indifferent to the rain, were streaming down the line and up the field, a grey, dismal host. Morel put up his umbrella, and took pleasure from the peppering of the drops thereon.

67All along the road to Bestwood the miners tramped, wet and grey and dirty, but their red mouths talking with animation. Morel also walked with a gang, but he said nothing. He frowned peevishly as he went. Many men passed into the Prince of Wales or into Ellens. Morel, feeling sufficiently disagreeable to resist temptation, trudged along under the dripping trees that overhung the park wall, and down the mud of Greenhill Lane.

68Mrs. Morel lay in bed, listening to the rain, and the feet of the colliers from Minton, their voices, and the bang, bang of the gates as they went through the stile up the field.

69Theres some herb beer behind the pantry door,” she said. Thmasterll want a drink, if he doesn’t stop.”

70But he was late, so she concluded he had called for a drink, since it was raining. What did he care about the child or her?

71She was very ill when her children were born.

72What is it?” she asked, feeling sick to death.

73A boy.”

74And she took consolation in that. The thought of being the mother of men was warming to her heart. She looked at the child. It had blue eyes, and a lot of fair hair, and was bonny. Her love came up hot, in spite of everything. She had it in bed with her.

75Morel, thinking nothing, dragged his way up the garden path, wearily and angrily. He closed his umbrella, and stood it in the sink; then he sluthered his heavy boots into the kitchen. Mrs. Bower appeared in the inner doorway.

76Well,” she said, “shes about as bad as she can be. Its a boy childt.”

77The miner grunted, put his empty snap-bag and his tin bottle on the dresser, went back into the scullery and hung up his coat, then came and dropped into his chair.

78Han yer got a drink?” he asked.

79The woman went into the pantry. There was heard the pop of a cork. She set the mug, with a little, disgusted rap, on the table before Morel. He drank, gasped, wiped his big moustache on the end of his scarf, drank, gasped, and lay back in his chair. The woman would not speak to him again. She set his dinner before him, and went upstairs.

80Was that the master?” asked Mrs. Morel.

81Ive gave him his dinner,” replied Mrs. Bower.

82After he had sat with his arms on the tablehe resented the fact that Mrs. Bower put no cloth on for him, and gave him a little plate, instead of a full-sized dinner-platehe began to eat. The fact that his wife was ill, that he had another boy, was nothing to him at that moment. He was too tired; he wanted his dinner; he wanted to sit with his arms lying on the board; he did not like having Mrs. Bower about. The fire was too small to please him.

83After he had finished his meal, he sat for twenty minutes; then he stoked up a big fire. Then, in his stockinged feet, he went reluctantly upstairs. It was a struggle to face his wife at this moment, and he was tired. His face was black, and smeared with sweat. His singlet had dried again, soaking the dirt in. He had a dirty woollen scarf round his throat. So he stood at the foot of the bed.

84Well, how are ter, then?” he asked.

85I sll be all right,” she answered.

86Hm!”

87He stood at a loss what to say next. He was tired, and this bother was rather a nuisance to him, and he didn’t quite know where he was.

88A lad, tha says,” he stammered.

89She turned down the sheet and showed the child.

90Bless him!” he murmured. Which made her laugh, because he blessed by rotepretending paternal emotion, which he did not feel just then.

91Go now,” she said.

92I will, my lass,” he answered, turning away.

93Dismissed, he wanted to kiss her, but he dared not. She half wanted him to kiss her, but could not bring herself to give any sign. She only breathed freely when he was gone out of the room again, leaving behind him a faint smell of pit-dirt.

94Mrs. Morel had a visit every day from the Congregational clergyman. Mr. Heaton was young, and very poor. His wife had died at the birth of his first baby, so he remained alone in the manse. He was a Bachelor of Arts of Cambridge, very shy, and no preacher. Mrs. Morel was fond of him, and he depended on her. For hours he talked to her, when she was well. He became the god-parent of the child.

95Occasionally the minister stayed to tea with Mrs. Morel. Then she laid the cloth early, got out her best cups, with a little green rim, and hoped Morel would not come too soon; indeed, if he stayed for a pint, she would not mind this day. She had always two dinners to cook, because she believed children should have their chief meal at midday, whereas Morel needed his at five oclock. So Mr. Heaton would hold the baby, whilst Mrs. Morel beat up a batter-pudding or peeled the potatoes, and he, watching her all the time, would discuss his next sermon. His ideas were quaint and fantastic. She brought him judiciously to earth. It was a discussion of the wedding at Cana.

96When He changed the water into wine at Cana,” he said, “that is a symbol that the ordinary life, even the blood, of the married husband and wife, which had before been uninspired, like water, became filled with the Spirit, and was as wine, because, when love enters, the whole spiritual constitution of a man changes, is filled with the Holy Ghost, and almost his form is altered.”

97Mrs. Morel thought to herself:

98Yes, poor fellow, his young wife is dead; that is why he makes his love into the Holy Ghost.”

99They were halfway down their first cup of tea when they heard the sluther of pit-boots.

100Good gracious!” exclaimed Mrs. Morel, in spite of herself.

101The minister looked rather scared. Morel entered. He was feeling rather savage. He nodded aHow dyer doto the clergyman, who rose to shake hands with him.

102Nay,” said Morel, showing his hand, “look thee at it! Tha niver wants ter shake hands wia hand like that, does ter? Theres too much pick-haft and shovel-dirt on it.”

103The minister flushed with confusion, and sat down again. Mrs. Morel rose, carried out the steaming saucepan. Morel took off his coat, dragged his armchair to table, and sat down heavily.

104Are you tired?” asked the clergyman.

105Tired? I ham that,” replied Morel. You dont know what it is to be tired, as Im tired.”

106No,” replied the clergyman.

107Why, look yerere,” said the miner, showing the shoulders of his singlet. Its a bit dry now, but its wet as a clout with sweat even yet. Feel it.”

108Goodness!” cried Mrs. Morel. Mr. Heaton doesn’t want to feel your nasty singlet.”

109The clergyman put out his hand gingerly.

110No, perhaps he doesn’t,” said Morel; “but its all come out of me, whether or not. Anivry day alike my singlets wringin’ wet. ’Aven’t you got a drink, Missis, for a man when he comes home barkled up from the pit?”

111You know you drank all the beer,” said Mrs. Morel, pouring out his tea.

112Anwas there no more to be got?” Turning to the clergyman—“A man gets that caked up withdust, you know,—that clogged up down a coal-mine, he needs a drink when he comes home.”

113I am sure he does,” said the clergyman.

114But its ten to one if theres owt for him.”

115Theres waterand theres tea,” said Mrs. Morel.

116Water! Its not water asll clear his throat.”

117He poured out a saucerful of tea, blew it, and sucked it up through his great black moustache, sighing afterwards. Then he poured out another saucerful, and stood his cup on the table.

118My cloth!” said Mrs. Morel, putting it on a plate.

119A man as comes home as I dos too tired to care about cloths,” said Morel.

120Pity!” exclaimed his wife, sarcastically.

121The room was full of the smell of meat and vegetables and pit-clothes.

122He leaned over to the minister, his great moustache thrust forward, his mouth very red in his black face.

123Mr. Heaton,” he said, “a man as has been down the black hole all day, dingin’ away at a coal-face, yi, a sight harder than that wall—”

124“Needn’t make a moan of it,” put in Mrs. Morel.

125She hated her husband because, whenever he had an audience, he whined and played for sympathy. William, sitting nursing the baby, hated him, with a boys hatred for false sentiment, and for the stupid treatment of his mother. Annie had never liked him; she merely avoided him.

126When the minister had gone, Mrs. Morel looked at her cloth.

127A fine mess!” she said.

128Dost think Im goin’ to sit wimy arms danglin’, cos tha’s got a parson for tea withee?” he bawled.

129They were both angry, but she said nothing. The baby began to cry, and Mrs. Morel, picking up a saucepan from the hearth, accidentally knocked Annie on the head, whereupon the girl began to whine, and Morel to shout at her. In the midst of this pandemonium, William looked up at the big glazed text over the mantelpiece and read distinctly:

130God Bless Our Home!”

131Whereupon Mrs. Morel, trying to soothe the baby, jumped up, rushed at him, boxed his ears, saying:

132What are you putting in for?”

133And then she sat down and laughed, till tears ran over her cheeks, while William kicked the stool he had been sitting on, and Morel growled:

134I canna see what there is so much to laugh at.”

135One evening, directly after the parsons visit, feeling unable to bear herself after another display from her husband, she took Annie and the baby and went out. Morel had kicked William, and the mother would never forgive him.

136She went over the sheep-bridge and across a corner of the meadow to the cricket-ground. The meadows seemed one space of ripe, evening light, whispering with the distant mill-race. She sat on a seat under the alders in the cricket-ground, and fronted the evening. Before her, level and solid, spread the big green cricket-field, like the bed of a sea of light. Children played in the bluish shadow of the pavilion. Many rooks, high up, came cawing home across the softly-woven sky. They stooped in a long curve down into the golden glow, concentrating, cawing, wheeling, like black flakes on a slow vortex, over a tree clump that made a dark boss among the pasture.

137A few gentlemen were practising, and Mrs. Morel could hear the chock of the ball, and the voices of men suddenly roused; could see the white forms of men shifting silently over the green, upon which already the under shadows were smouldering. Away at the grange, one side of the haystacks was lit up, the other sides blue-grey. A waggon of sheaves rocked small across the melting yellow light.

138The sun was going down. Every open evening, the hills of Derbyshire were blazed over with red sunset. Mrs. Morel watched the sun sink from the glistening sky, leaving a soft flower-blue overhead, while the western space went red, as if all the fire had swum down there, leaving the bell cast flawless blue. The mountain-ash berries across the field stood fierily out from the dark leaves, for a moment. A few shocks of corn in a corner of the fallow stood up as if alive; she imagined them bowing; perhaps her son would be a Joseph. In the east, a mirrored sunset floated pink opposite the wests scarlet. The big haystacks on the hillside, that butted into the glare, went cold.

139With Mrs. Morel it was one of those still moments when the small frets vanish, and the beauty of things stands out, and she had the peace and the strength to see herself. Now and again, a swallow cut close to her. Now and again, Annie came up with a handful of alder-currants. The baby was restless on his mothers knee, clambering with his hands at the light.

140Mrs. Morel looked down at him. She had dreaded this baby like a catastrophe, because of her feeling for her husband. And now she felt strangely towards the infant. Her heart was heavy because of the child, almost as if it were unhealthy, or malformed. Yet it seemed quite well. But she noticed the peculiar knitting of the babys brows, and the peculiar heaviness of its eyes, as if it were trying to understand something that was pain. She felt, when she looked at her childs dark, brooding pupils, as if a burden were on her heart.

141He looks as if he was thinking about somethingquite sorrowful,” said Mrs. Kirk.

142Suddenly, looking at him, the heavy feeling at the mothers heart melted into passionate grief. She bowed over him, and a few tears shook swiftly out of her very heart. The baby lifted his fingers.

143My lamb!” she cried softly.

144And at that moment she felt, in some far inner place of her soul, that she and her husband were guilty.

145The baby was looking up at her. It had blue eyes like her own, but its look was heavy, steady, as if it had realised something that had stunned some point of its soul.

146In her arms lay the delicate baby. Its deep blue eyes, always looking up at her unblinking, seemed to draw her innermost thoughts out of her. She no longer loved her husband; she had not wanted this child to come, and there it lay in her arms and pulled at her heart. She felt as if the navel string that had connected its frail little body with hers had not been broken. A wave of hot love went over her to the infant. She held it close to her face and breast. With all her force, with all her soul she would make up to it for having brought it into the world unloved. She would love it all the more now it was here; carry it in her love. Its clear, knowing eyes gave her pain and fear. Did it know all about her? When it lay under her heart, had it been listening then? Was there a reproach in the look? She felt the marrow melt in her bones, with fear and pain.

147Once more she was aware of the sun lying red on the rim of the hill opposite. She suddenly held up the child in her hands.

148Look!” she said. Look, my pretty!”

149She thrust the infant forward to the crimson, throbbing sun, almost with relief. She saw him lift his little fist. Then she put him to her bosom again, ashamed almost of her impulse to give him back again whence he came.

150If he lives,” she thought to herself, “what will become of himwhat will he be?”

151Her heart was anxious.

152I will call him Paul,” she said suddenly; she knew not why.

153After a while she went home. A fine shadow was flung over the deep green meadow, darkening all.

154As she expected, she found the house empty. But Morel was home by ten oclock, and that day, at least, ended peacefully.

155Walter Morel was, at this time, exceedingly irritable. His work seemed to exhaust him. When he came home he did not speak civilly to anybody. If the fire were rather low he bullied about that; he grumbled about his dinner; if the children made a chatter he shouted at them in a way that made their mothers blood boil, and made them hate him.

156On the Friday, he was not home by eleven oclock. The baby was unwell, and was restless, crying if he were put down. Mrs. Morel, tired to death, and still weak, was scarcely under control.

157I wish the nuisance would come,” she said wearily to herself.

158The child at last sank down to sleep in her arms. She was too tired to carry him to the cradle.

159But Ill say nothing, whatever time he comes,” she said. It only works me up; I wont say anything. But I know if he does anything itll make my blood boil,” she added to herself.

160She sighed, hearing him coming, as if it were something she could not bear. He, taking his revenge, was nearly drunk. She kept her head bent over the child as he entered, not wishing to see him. But it went through her like a flash of hot fire when, in passing, he lurched against the dresser, setting the tins rattling, and clutched at the white pot knobs for support. He hung up his hat and coat, then returned, stood glowering from a distance at her, as she sat bowed over the child.

161Is there nothing to eat in the house?” he asked, insolently, as if to a servant. In certain stages of his intoxication he affected the clipped, mincing speech of the towns. Mrs. Morel hated him most in this condition.

162You know what there is in the house,” she said, so coldly, it sounded impersonal.

163He stood and glared at her without moving a muscle.

164I asked a civil question, and I expect a civil answer,” he said affectedly.

165And you got it,” she said, still ignoring him.

166He glowered again. Then he came unsteadily forward. He leaned on the table with one hand, and with the other jerked at the table drawer to get a knife to cut bread. The drawer stuck because he pulled sideways. In a temper he dragged it, so that it flew out bodily, and spoons, forks, knives, a hundred metallic things, splashed with a clatter and a clang upon the brick floor. The baby gave a little convulsed start.

167What are you doing, clumsy, drunken fool?” the mother cried.

168Then tha should get the flamin’ thing thysen. Tha should get up, like other women have to, anwait on a man.”

169Wait on youwait on you?” she cried. Yes, I see myself.”

170“Yis, anIll learn thee tha’s got to. Wait on me, yes tha shlt wait on me—”

171Never, milord. Id wait on a dog at the door first.”

172Whatwhat?”

173He was trying to fit in the drawer. At her last speech he turned round. His face was crimson, his eyes bloodshot. He stared at her one silent second in threat.

174P-h!” she went quickly, in contempt.

175He jerked at the drawer in his excitement. It fell, cut sharply on his shin, and on the reflex he flung it at her.

176One of the corners caught her brow as the shallow drawer crashed into the fireplace. She swayed, almost fell stunned from her chair. To her very soul she was sick; she clasped the child tightly to her bosom. A few moments elapsed; then, with an effort, she brought herself to. The baby was crying plaintively. Her left brow was bleeding rather profusely. As she glanced down at the child, her brain reeling, some drops of blood soaked into its white shawl; but the baby was at least not hurt. She balanced her head to keep equilibrium, so that the blood ran into her eye.

177Walter Morel remained as he had stood, leaning on the table with one hand, looking blank. When he was sufficiently sure of his balance, he went across to her, swayed, caught hold of the back of her rocking-chair, almost tipping her out; then leaning forward over her, and swaying as he spoke, he said, in a tone of wondering concern:

178Did it catch thee?”

179He swayed again, as if he would pitch on to the child. With the catastrophe he had lost all balance.

180Go away,” she said, struggling to keep her presence of mind.

181He hiccoughed. Letslets look at it,” he said, hiccoughing again.

182Go away!” she cried.

183“Lemme—lemme look at it, lass.”

184She smelled him of drink, felt the unequal pull of his swaying grasp on the back of her rocking-chair.

185Go away,” she said, and weakly she pushed him off.

186He stood, uncertain in balance, gazing upon her. Summoning all her strength she rose, the baby on one arm. By a cruel effort of will, moving as if in sleep, she went across to the scullery, where she bathed her eye for a minute in cold water; but she was too dizzy. Afraid lest she should swoon, she returned to her rocking-chair, trembling in every fibre. By instinct, she kept the baby clasped.

187Morel, bothered, had succeeded in pushing the drawer back into its cavity, and was on his knees, groping, with numb paws, for the scattered spoons.

188Her brow was still bleeding. Presently Morel got up and came craning his neck towards her.

189What has it done to thee, lass?” he asked, in a very wretched, humble tone.

190You can see what its done,” she answered.

191He stood, bending forward, supported on his hands, which grasped his legs just above the knee. He peered to look at the wound. She drew away from the thrust of his face with its great moustache, averting her own face as much as possible. As he looked at her, who was cold and impassive as stone, with mouth shut tight, he sickened with feebleness and hopelessness of spirit. He was turning drearily away, when he saw a drop of blood fall from the averted wound into the babys fragile, glistening hair. Fascinated, he watched the heavy dark drop hang in the glistening cloud, and pull down the gossamer. Another drop fell. It would soak through to the babys scalp. He watched, fascinated, feeling it soak in; then, finally, his manhood broke.

192What of this child?” was all his wife said to him. But her low, intense tones brought his head lower. She softened: “Get me some wadding out of the middle drawer,” she said.

193He stumbled away very obediently, presently returning with a pad, which she singed before the fire, then put on her forehead, as she sat with the baby on her lap.

194Now that clean pit-scarf.”

195Again he rummaged and fumbled in the drawer, returning presently with a red, narrow scarf. She took it, and with trembling fingers proceeded to bind it round her head.

196Let me tie it for thee,” he said humbly.

197I can do it myself,” she replied. When it was done she went upstairs, telling him to rake the fire and lock the door.

198In the morning Mrs. Morel said:

199I knocked against the latch of the coal-place, when I was getting a raker in the dark, because the candle blew out.” Her two small children looked up at her with wide, dismayed eyes. They said nothing, but their parted lips seemed to express the unconscious tragedy they felt.

200Walter Morel lay in bed next day until nearly dinner-time. He did not think of the previous evenings work. He scarcely thought of anything, but he would not think of that. He lay and suffered like a sulking dog. He had hurt himself most; and he was the more damaged because he would never say a word to her, or express his sorrow. He tried to wriggle out of it. It was her own fault,” he said to himself. Nothing, however, could prevent his inner consciousness inflicting on him the punishment which ate into his spirit like rust, and which he could only alleviate by drinking.

201He felt as if he had not the initiative to get up, or to say a word, or to move, but could only lie like a log. Moreover, he had himself violent pains in the head. It was Saturday. Towards noon he rose, cut himself food in the pantry, ate it with his head dropped, then pulled on his boots, and went out, to return at three oclock slightly tipsy and relieved; then once more straight to bed. He rose again at six in the evening, had tea and went straight out.

202Sunday was the same: bed till noon, the Palmerston Arms till 2.30, dinner, and bed; scarcely a word spoken. When Mrs. Morel went upstairs, towards four oclock, to put on her Sunday dress, he was fast asleep. She would have felt sorry for him, if he had once said, “Wife, Im sorry.” But no; he insisted to himself it was her fault. And so he broke himself. So she merely left him alone. There was this deadlock of passion between them, and she was stronger.

203The family began tea. Sunday was the only day when all sat down to meals together.

204“Isn’t my father going to get up?” asked William.

205Let him lie,” the mother replied.

206There was a feeling of misery over all the house. The children breathed the air that was poisoned, and they felt dreary. They were rather disconsolate, did not know what to do, what to play at.

207Immediately Morel woke he got straight out of bed. That was characteristic of him all his life. He was all for activity. The prostrated inactivity of two mornings was stifling him.

208It was near six oclock when he got down. This time he entered without hesitation, his wincing sensitiveness having hardened again. He did not care any longer what the family thought or felt.

209The tea-things were on the table. William was reading aloud fromThe Childs Own”, Annie listening and asking eternallywhy?” Both children hushed into silence as they heard the approaching thud of their fathers stockinged feet, and shrank as he entered. Yet he was usually indulgent to them.

210Morel made the meal alone, brutally. He ate and drank more noisily than he had need. No one spoke to him. The family life withdrew, shrank away, and became hushed as he entered. But he cared no longer about his alienation.

211Immediately he had finished tea he rose with alacrity to go out. It was this alacrity, this haste to be gone, which so sickened Mrs. Morel. As she heard him sousing heartily in cold water, heard the eager scratch of the steel comb on the side of the bowl, as he wetted his hair, she closed her eyes in disgust. As he bent over, lacing his boots, there was a certain vulgar gusto in his movement that divided him from the reserved, watchful rest of the family. He always ran away from the battle with himself. Even in his own hearts privacy, he excused himself, saying, “If she hadn’t said so-and-so, it would never have happened. She asked for what shes got.” The children waited in restraint during his preparations. When he had gone, they sighed with relief.

212He closed the door behind him, and was glad. It was a rainy evening. The Palmerston would be the cosier. He hastened forward in anticipation. All the slate roofs of the Bottoms shone black with wet. The roads, always dark with coal-dust, were full of blackish mud. He hastened along. The Palmerston windows were steamed over. The passage was paddled with wet feet. But the air was warm, if foul, and full of the sound of voices and the smell of beer and smoke.

213What shollt hae, Walter?” cried a voice, as soon as Morel appeared in the doorway.

214Oh, Jim, my lad, wheriver has thee sprung frae?”

215The men made a seat for him, and took him in warmly. He was glad. In a minute or two they had thawed all responsibility out of him, all shame, all trouble, and he was clear as a bell for a jolly night.

216On the Wednesday following, Morel was penniless. He dreaded his wife. Having hurt her, he hated her. He did not know what to do with himself that evening, having not even twopence with which to go to the Palmerston, and being already rather deeply in debt. So, while his wife was down the garden with the child, he hunted in the top drawer of the dresser where she kept her purse, found it, and looked inside. It contained a half-crown, two halfpennies, and a sixpence. So he took the sixpence, put the purse carefully back, and went out.

217The next day, when she wanted to pay the greengrocer, she looked in the purse for her sixpence, and her heart sank to her shoes. Then she sat down and thought: “Was there a sixpence? I hadn’t spent it, had I? And I hadn’t left it anywhere else?”

218She was much put about. She hunted round everywhere for it. And, as she sought, the conviction came into her heart that her husband had taken it. What she had in her purse was all the money she possessed. But that he should sneak it from her thus was unbearable. He had done so twice before. The first time she had not accused him, and at the week-end he had put the shilling again into her purse. So that was how she had known he had taken it. The second time he had not paid back.

219This time she felt it was too much. When he had had his dinnerhe came home early that dayshe said to him coldly:

220Did you take sixpence out of my purse last night?”

221Me!” he said, looking up in an offended way. No, I didna! I niver clapped eyes on your purse.”

222But she could detect the lie.

223Why, you know you did,” she said quietly.

224I tell you I didna,” he shouted. Yer at me again, are yer? Ive had about enough ont.”

225So you filch sixpence out of my purse while Im taking the clothes in.”

226Ill may yer pay for this,” he said, pushing back his chair in desperation. He bustled and got washed, then went determinedly upstairs. Presently he came down dressed, and with a big bundle in a blue-checked, enormous handkerchief.

227And now,” he said, “youll see me again when you do.”

228Itll be before I want to,” she replied; and at that he marched out of the house with his bundle. She sat trembling slightly, but her heart brimming with contempt. What would she do if he went to some other pit, obtained work, and got in with another woman? But she knew him too wellhe couldn’t. She was dead sure of him. Nevertheless her heart was gnawed inside her.

229Wheres my dad?” said William, coming in from school.

230He says hes run away,” replied the mother.

231Where to?”

232Eh, I dont know. Hes taken a bundle in the blue handkerchief, and says hes not coming back.”

233What shall we do?” cried the boy.

234Eh, never trouble, he wont go far.”

235But if he doesn’t come back,” wailed Annie.

236And she and William retired to the sofa and wept. Mrs. Morel sat and laughed.

237You pair of gabeys!” she exclaimed. Youll see him before the nights out.”

238But the children were not to be consoled. Twilight came on. Mrs. Morel grew anxious from very weariness. One part of her said it would be a relief to see the last of him; another part fretted because of keeping the children; and inside her, as yet, she could not quite let him go. At the bottom, she knew very well he could not go.

239When she went down to the coal-place at the end of the garden, however, she felt something behind the door. So she looked. And there in the dark lay the big blue bundle. She sat on a piece of coal and laughed. Every time she saw it, so fat and yet so ignominious, slunk into its corner in the dark, with its ends flopping like dejected ears from the knots, she laughed again. She was relieved.

240Mrs. Morel sat waiting. He had not any money, she knew, so if he stopped he was running up a bill. She was very tired of himtired to death. He had not even the courage to carry his bundle beyond the yard-end.

241As she meditated, at about nine oclock, he opened the door and came in, slinking, and yet sulky. She said not a word. He took off his coat, and slunk to his armchair, where he began to take off his boots.

242Youd better fetch your bundle before you take your boots off,” she said quietly.

243You may thank your stars Ive come back to-night,” he said, looking up from under his dropped head, sulkily, trying to be impressive.

244Why, where should you have gone? You daren’t even get your parcel through the yard-end,” she said.

245He looked such a fool she was not even angry with him. He continued to take his boots off and prepare for bed.

246I dont know whats in your blue handkerchief,” she said. But if you leave it the children shall fetch it in the morning.”

247Whereupon he got up and went out of the house, returning presently and crossing the kitchen with averted face, hurrying upstairs. As Mrs. Morel saw him slink quickly through the inner doorway, holding his bundle, she laughed to herself: but her heart was bitter, because she had loved him.