15. CHAPTER XIII

Jane Eyre / 简爱

1Mr. Rochester, it seems, by the surgeons orders, went to bed early that night; nor did he rise soon next morning. When he did come down, it was to attend to business: his agent and some of his tenants were arrived, and waiting to speak with him.

2Adèle and I had now to vacate the library: it would be in daily requisition as a reception-room for callers. A fire was lit in an apartment upstairs, and there I carried our books, and arranged it for the future schoolroom. I discerned in the course of the morning that Thornfield Hall was a changed place: no longer silent as a church, it echoed every hour or two to a knock at the door, or a clang of the bell; steps, too, often traversed the hall, and new voices spoke in different keys below; a rill from the outer world was flowing through it; it had a master: for my part, I liked it better.

3Adèle was not easy to teach that day; she could not apply: she kept running to the door and looking over the banisters to see if she could get a glimpse of Mr. Rochester; then she coined pretexts to go downstairs, in order, as I shrewdly suspected, to visit the library, where I knew she was not wanted; then, when I got a little angry, and made her sit still, she continued to talk incessantly of her “ami, Monsieur Edouard Fairfax de Rochester,” as she dubbed him (I had not before heard his prenomens), and to conjecture what presents he had brought her: for it appears he had intimated the night before, that when his luggage came from Millcote, there would be found amongst it a little box in whose contents she had an interest.

4Et cela doit signifier,” said she, “qu’il y aura dedans un cadeau pour moi, et peut-être pour vous aussi, mademoiselle. Monsieur a parlé de vous: il ma demandé le nom de ma gouvernante, et si elle n’était pas une petite personne, assez mince et un peu pâle. Jai dit qu’oui: car cest vrai, nest-ce pas, mademoiselle?”

5I and my pupil dined as usual in Mrs. Fairfax’s parlour; the afternoon was wild and snowy, and we passed it in the schoolroom. At dark I allowed Adèle to put away books and work, and to run downstairs; for, from the comparative silence below, and from the cessation of appeals to the door-bell, I conjectured that Mr. Rochester was now at liberty. Left alone, I walked to the window; but nothing was to be seen thence: twilight and snowflakes together thickened the air, and hid the very shrubs on the lawn. I let down the curtain and went back to the fireside.

6In the clear embers I was tracing a view, not unlike a picture I remembered to have seen of the castle of Heidelberg, on the Rhine, when Mrs. Fairfax came in, breaking up by her entrance the fiery mosaic I had been piercing together, and scattering too some heavy unwelcome thoughts that were beginning to throng on my solitude.

7Mr. Rochester would be glad if you and your pupil would take tea with him in the drawing-room this evening,” said she: “he has been so much engaged all day that he could not ask to see you before.”

8When is his tea-time?” I inquired.

9Oh, at six oclock: he keeps early hours in the country. You had better change your frock now; I will go with you and fasten it. Here is a candle.”

10Is it necessary to change my frock?”

11Yes, you had better: I always dress for the evening when Mr. Rochester is here.”

12This additional ceremony seemed somewhat stately; however, I repaired to my room, and, with Mrs. Fairfax’s aid, replaced my black stuff dress by one of black silk; the best and the only additional one I had, except one of light grey, which, in my Lowood notions of the toilette, I thought too fine to be worn, except on first-rate occasions.

13You want a brooch,” said Mrs. Fairfax. I had a single little pearl ornament which Miss Temple gave me as a parting keepsake: I put it on, and then we went downstairs. Unused as I was to strangers, it was rather a trial to appear thus formally summoned in Mr. Rochesters presence. I let Mrs. Fairfax precede me into the dining-room, and kept in her shade as we crossed that apartment; and, passing the arch, whose curtain was now dropped, entered the elegant recess beyond.

14Two wax candles stood lighted on the table, and two on the mantelpiece; basking in the light and heat of a superb fire, lay Pilot—Adèle knelt near him. Half reclined on a couch appeared Mr. Rochester, his foot supported by the cushion; he was looking at Adèle and the dog: the fire shone full on his face. I knew my traveller with his broad and jetty eyebrows; his square forehead, made squarer by the horizontal sweep of his black hair. I recognised his decisive nose, more remarkable for character than beauty; his full nostrils, denoting, I thought, choler; his grim mouth, chin, and jawyes, all three were very grim, and no mistake. His shape, now divested of cloak, I perceived harmonised in squareness with his physiognomy: I suppose it was a good figure in the athletic sense of the termbroad chested and thin flanked, though neither tall nor graceful.

15Mr. Rochester must have been aware of the entrance of Mrs. Fairfax and myself; but it appeared he was not in the mood to notice us, for he never lifted his head as we approached.

16Here is Miss Eyre, sir,” said Mrs. Fairfax, in her quiet way. He bowed, still not taking his eyes from the group of the dog and child.

17Let Miss Eyre be seated,” said he: and there was something in the forced stiff bow, in the impatient yet formal tone, which seemed further to express, “What the deuce is it to me whether Miss Eyre be there or not? At this moment I am not disposed to accost her.”

18I sat down quite disembarrassed. A reception of finished politeness would probably have confused me: I could not have returned or repaid it by answering grace and elegance on my part; but harsh caprice laid me under no obligation; on the contrary, a decent quiescence, under the freak of manner, gave me the advantage. Besides, the eccentricity of the proceeding was piquant: I felt interested to see how he would go on.

19He went on as a statue would, that is, he neither spoke nor moved. Mrs. Fairfax seemed to think it necessary that some one should be amiable, and she began to talk. Kindly, as usualand, as usual, rather triteshe condoled with him on the pressure of business he had had all day; on the annoyance it must have been to him with that painful sprain: then she commended his patience and perseverance in going through with it.

20Madam, I should like some tea,” was the sole rejoinder she got. She hastened to ring the bell; and when the tray came, she proceeded to arrange the cups, spoons, &c. , with assiduous celerity. I and Adèle went to the table; but the master did not leave his couch.

21Will you hand Mr. Rochesters cup?” said Mrs. Fairfax to me; “Adèle might perhaps spill it.”

22I did as requested. As he took the cup from my hand, Adèle, thinking the moment propitious for making a request in my favour, cried out

23Nest-ce pas, monsieur, qu’il y a un cadeau pour Mademoiselle Eyre dans votre petit coffre?”

24Who talks of cadeaux?” said he gruffly. Did you expect a present, Miss Eyre? Are you fond of presents?” and he searched my face with eyes that I saw were dark, irate, and piercing.

25I hardly know, sir; I have little experience of them: they are generally thought pleasant things.”

26Generally thought? But what do you think?”

27I should be obliged to take time, sir, before I could give you an answer worthy of your acceptance: a present has many faces to it, has it not? and one should consider all, before pronouncing an opinion as to its nature.”

28Miss Eyre, you are not so unsophisticated as Adèle: she demands a ‘cadeau,’ clamorously, the moment she sees me: you beat about the bush.”

29Because I have less confidence in my deserts than Adèle has: she can prefer the claim of old acquaintance, and the right too of custom; for she says you have always been in the habit of giving her playthings; but if I had to make out a case I should be puzzled, since I am a stranger, and have done nothing to entitle me to an acknowledgment.”

30Oh, dont fall back on over-modesty! I have examined Adèle, and find you have taken great pains with her: she is not bright, she has no talents; yet in a short time she has made much improvement.”

31Sir, you have now given me my ‘cadeau;’ I am obliged to you: it is the meed teachers most covetpraise of their pupilsprogress.”

32Humph!” said Mr. Rochester, and he took his tea in silence.

33Come to the fire,” said the master, when the tray was taken away, and Mrs. Fairfax had settled into a corner with her knitting; while Adèle was leading me by the hand round the room, showing me the beautiful books and ornaments on the consoles and chiffonnières. We obeyed, as in duty bound; Adèle wanted to take a seat on my knee, but she was ordered to amuse herself with Pilot.

34You have been resident in my house three months?”

35Yes, sir.”

36And you came from—?”

37From Lowood school, in ——shire.”

38Ah! a charitable concern. How long were you there?”

39Eight years.”

40Eight years! you must be tenacious of life. I thought half the time in such a place would have done up any constitution! No wonder you have rather the look of another world. I marvelled where you had got that sort of face. When you came on me in Hay Lane last night, I thought unaccountably of fairy tales, and had half a mind to demand whether you had bewitched my horse: I am not sure yet. Who are your parents?”

41I have none.”

42Nor ever had, I suppose: do you remember them?”

43No.”

44I thought not. And so you were waiting for your people when you sat on that stile?”

45For whom, sir?”

46For the men in green: it was a proper moonlight evening for them. Did I break through one of your rings, that you spread that damned ice on the causeway?”

47I shook my head. The men in green all forsook England a hundred years ago,” said I, speaking as seriously as he had done. And not even in Hay Lane, or the fields about it, could you find a trace of them. I dont think either summer or harvest, or winter moon, will ever shine on their revels more.”

48Mrs. Fairfax had dropped her knitting, and, with raised eyebrows, seemed wondering what sort of talk this was.

49Well,” resumed Mr. Rochester, “if you disown parents, you must have some sort of kinsfolk: uncles and aunts?”

50No; none that I ever saw.”

51And your home?”

52I have none.”

53Where do your brothers and sisters live?”

54I have no brothers or sisters.”

55Who recommended you to come here?”

56I advertised, and Mrs. Fairfax answered my advertisement.”

57Yes,” said the good lady, who now knew what ground we were upon, “and I am daily thankful for the choice Providence led me to make. Miss Eyre has been an invaluable companion to me, and a kind and careful teacher to Adèle.”

58Dont trouble yourself to give her a character,” returned Mr. Rochester: “eulogiums will not bias me; I shall judge for myself. She began by felling my horse.”

59Sir?” said Mrs. Fairfax.

60I have to thank her for this sprain.”

61The widow looked bewildered.

62Miss Eyre, have you ever lived in a town?”

63No, sir.”

64Have you seen much society?”

65None but the pupils and teachers of Lowood, and now the inmates of Thornfield.”

66Have you read much?”

67Only such books as came in my way; and they have not been numerous or very learned.”

68You have lived the life of a nun: no doubt you are well drilled in religious forms;—Brocklehurst, who I understand directs Lowood, is a parson, is he not?”

69Yes, sir.”

70And you girls probably worshipped him, as a convent full of religieuses would worship their director.”

71Oh, no.”

72You are very cool! No! What! a novice not worship her priest! That sounds blasphemous.”

73I disliked Mr. Brocklehurst; and I was not alone in the feeling. He is a harsh man; at once pompous and meddling; he cut off our hair; and for economys sake bought us bad needles and thread, with which we could hardly sew.”

74That was very false economy,” remarked Mrs. Fairfax, who now again caught the drift of the dialogue.

75And was that the head and front of his offending?” demanded Mr. Rochester.

76He starved us when he had the sole superintendence of the provision department, before the committee was appointed; and he bored us with long lectures once a week, and with evening readings from books of his own inditing, about sudden deaths and judgments, which made us afraid to go to bed.”

77What age were you when you went to Lowood?”

78About ten.”

79And you stayed there eight years: you are now, then, eighteen?”

80I assented.

81Arithmetic, you see, is useful; without its aid, I should hardly have been able to guess your age. It is a point difficult to fix where the features and countenance are so much at variance as in your case. And now what did you learn at Lowood? Can you play?”

82A little.”

83Of course: that is the established answer. Go into the libraryI mean, if you please.—(Excuse my tone of command; I am used to say, ‘Do this,’ and it is done: I cannot alter my customary habits for one new inmate.)—Go, then, into the library; take a candle with you; leave the door open; sit down to the piano, and play a tune.”

84I departed, obeying his directions.

85Enough!” he called out in a few minutes. You play a little, I see; like any other English school-girl; perhaps rather better than some, but not well.”

86I closed the piano and returned. Mr. Rochester continued

87“Adèle showed me some sketches this morning, which she said were yours. I dont know whether they were entirely of your doing; probably a master aided you?”

88No, indeed!” I interjected.

89Ah! that pricks pride. Well, fetch me your portfolio, if you can vouch for its contents being original; but dont pass your word unless you are certain: I can recognise patchwork.”

90Then I will say nothing, and you shall judge for yourself, sir.”

91I brought the portfolio from the library.

92Approach the table,” said he; and I wheeled it to his couch. Adèle and Mrs. Fairfax drew near to see the pictures.

93No crowding,” said Mr. Rochester: “take the drawings from my hand as I finish with them; but dont push your faces up to mine.”

94He deliberately scrutinised each sketch and painting. Three he laid aside; the others, when he had examined them, he swept from him.

95Take them off to the other table, Mrs. Fairfax,” said he, “and look at them with Adèle;—you(glancing at me) resume your seat, and answer my questions. I perceive those pictures were done by one hand: was that hand yours?”

96Yes.”

97And when did you find time to do them? They have taken much time, and some thought.”

98I did them in the last two vacations I spent at Lowood, when I had no other occupation.”

99Where did you get your copies?”

100Out of my head.”

101That head I see now on your shoulders?”

102Yes, sir.”

103Has it other furniture of the same kind within?”

104I should think it may have: I should hopebetter.”

105He spread the pictures before him, and again surveyed them alternately.

106While he is so occupied, I will tell you, reader, what they are: and first, I must premise that they are nothing wonderful. The subjects had, indeed, risen vividly on my mind. As I saw them with the spiritual eye, before I attempted to embody them, they were striking; but my hand would not second my fancy, and in each case it had wrought out but a pale portrait of the thing I had conceived.

107These pictures were in water-colours. The first represented clouds low and livid, rolling over a swollen sea: all the distance was in eclipse; so, too, was the foreground; or rather, the nearest billows, for there was no land. One gleam of light lifted into relief a half-submerged mast, on which sat a cormorant, dark and large, with wings flecked with foam; its beak held a gold bracelet set with gems, that I had touched with as brilliant tints as my palette could yield, and as glittering distinctness as my pencil could impart. Sinking below the bird and mast, a drowned corpse glanced through the green water; a fair arm was the only limb clearly visible, whence the bracelet had been washed or torn.

108The second picture contained for foreground only the dim peak of a hill, with grass and some leaves slanting as if by a breeze. Beyond and above spread an expanse of sky, dark blue as at twilight: rising into the sky was a womans shape to the bust, portrayed in tints as dusk and soft as I could combine. The dim forehead was crowned with a star; the lineaments below were seen as through the suffusion of vapour; the eyes shone dark and wild; the hair streamed shadowy, like a beamless cloud torn by storm or by electric travail. On the neck lay a pale reflection like moonlight; the same faint lustre touched the train of thin clouds from which rose and bowed this vision of the Evening Star.

109The third showed the pinnacle of an iceberg piercing a polar winter sky: a muster of northern lights reared their dim lances, close serried, along the horizon. Throwing these into distance, rose, in the foreground, a head,—a colossal head, inclined towards the iceberg, and resting against it. Two thin hands, joined under the forehead, and supporting it, drew up before the lower features a sable veil; a brow quite bloodless, white as bone, and an eye hollow and fixed, blank of meaning but for the glassiness of despair, alone were visible. Above the temples, amidst wreathed turban folds of black drapery, vague in its character and consistency as cloud, gleamed a ring of white flame, gemmed with sparkles of a more lurid tinge. This pale crescent wasthe likeness of a kingly crown;” what it diademed wasthe shape which shape had none.”

110Were you happy when you painted these pictures?” asked Mr. Rochester presently.

111I was absorbed, sir: yes, and I was happy. To paint them, in short, was to enjoy one of the keenest pleasures I have ever known.”

112That is not saying much. Your pleasures, by your own account, have been few; but I daresay you did exist in a kind of artists dreamland while you blent and arranged these strange tints. Did you sit at them long each day?”

113I had nothing else to do, because it was the vacation, and I sat at them from morning till noon, and from noon till night: the length of the midsummer days favoured my inclination to apply.”

114And you felt self-satisfied with the result of your ardent labours?”

115Far from it. I was tormented by the contrast between my idea and my handiwork: in each case I had imagined something which I was quite powerless to realise.”

116Not quite: you have secured the shadow of your thought; but no more, probably. You had not enough of the artists skill and science to give it full being: yet the drawings are, for a school-girl, peculiar. As to the thoughts, they are elfish. These eyes in the Evening Star you must have seen in a dream. How could you make them look so clear, and yet not at all brilliant? for the planet above quells their rays. And what meaning is that in their solemn depth? And who taught you to paint wind? There is a high gale in that sky, and on this hill-top. Where did you see Latmos? For that is Latmos. There! put the drawings away!”

117I had scarce tied the strings of the portfolio, when, looking at his watch, he said abruptly

118It is nine oclock: what are you about, Miss Eyre, to let Adèle sit up so long? Take her to bed.”

119Adèle went to kiss him before quitting the room: he endured the caress, but scarcely seemed to relish it more than Pilot would have done, nor so much.

120I wish you all good-night, now,” said he, making a movement of the hand towards the door, in token that he was tired of our company, and wished to dismiss us. Mrs. Fairfax folded up her knitting: I took my portfolio: we curtseyed to him, received a frigid bow in return, and so withdrew.

121You said Mr. Rochester was not strikingly peculiar, Mrs. Fairfax,” I observed, when I rejoined her in her room, after putting Adèle to bed.

122Well, is he?”

123I think so: he is very changeful and abrupt.”

124True: no doubt he may appear so to a stranger, but I am so accustomed to his manner, I never think of it; and then, if he has peculiarities of temper, allowance should be made.”

125Why?”

126Partly because it is his natureand we can none of us help our nature; and partly because he has painful thoughts, no doubt, to harass him, and make his spirits unequal.”

127What about?”

128Family troubles, for one thing.”

129But he has no family.”

130Not now, but he has hador, at least, relatives. He lost his elder brother a few years since.”

131His elder brother?”

132Yes. The present Mr. Rochester has not been very long in possession of the property; only about nine years.”

133Nine years is a tolerable time. Was he so very fond of his brother as to be still inconsolable for his loss?”

134Why, noperhaps not. I believe there were some misunderstandings between them. Mr. Rowland Rochester was not quite just to Mr. Edward; and perhaps he prejudiced his father against him. The old gentleman was fond of money, and anxious to keep the family estate together. He did not like to diminish the property by division, and yet he was anxious that Mr. Edward should have wealth, too, to keep up the consequence of the name; and, soon after he was of age, some steps were taken that were not quite fair, and made a great deal of mischief. Old Mr. Rochester and Mr. Rowland combined to bring Mr. Edward into what he considered a painful position, for the sake of making his fortune: what the precise nature of that position was I never clearly knew, but his spirit could not brook what he had to suffer in it. He is not very forgiving: he broke with his family, and now for many years he has led an unsettled kind of life. I dont think he has ever been resident at Thornfield for a fortnight together, since the death of his brother without a will left him master of the estate; and, indeed, no wonder he shuns the old place.”

135Why should he shun it?”

136Perhaps he thinks it gloomy.”

137The answer was evasive. I should have liked something clearer; but Mrs. Fairfax either could not, or would not, give me more explicit information of the origin and nature of Mr. Rochesters trials. She averred they were a mystery to herself, and that what she knew was chiefly from conjecture. It was evident, indeed, that she wished me to drop the subject, which I did accordingly.