51. Chapter LI Sunday Morning

Adam Bede / 亚当·比德

1Lisbeth’s touch of rheumatism could not be made to appear serious enough to detain Dinah another night from the Hall Farm, now she had made up her mind to leave her aunt so soon, and at evening the friends must part. For a long while,” Dinah had said, for she had told Lisbeth of her resolve.

2Then itll be for all my life, anI shall neer see thee again,” said Lisbeth. Long while! In got no long while tlive. AnI shall be took bad andie, anthee canst neer come a-nigh me, anI shall die a-longing for thee.”

3That had been the key-note of her wailing talk all day; for Adam was not in the house, and so she put no restraint on her complaining. She had tried poor Dinah by returning again and again to the question, why she must go away; and refusing to accept reasons, which seemed to her nothing but whim and “contrairiness”; and still more, by regretting that she “couldna’ haone othe ladsand be her daughter.

4Thee couldstna put up wiSeth,” she said. He isna cliver enough for thee, happen, but hed habeen very good ttheehes as handy as can be at doin’ things for me when Im bad, anhes as fond othe Bible an’ chappellin’ as thee art thysen. But happen, theedst like a husband better as isna just the cut o’ thysen: the runnin’ brook isna athirst for thrain. Adam ’ud hadone for theeI know he wouldanhe might come tlike thee well enough, if theedst stop. But hes as stubborn as thiron bartheres no bending him no way buts own. But hed be a fine husband for anybody, be they who they will, so looked-on anso cliver as he is. And hed be rare an’ lovin’: it does me good ony a look othe lads eye when he means kind towrt me.”

5Dinah tried to escape from Lisbeth’s closest looks and questions by finding little tasks of housework that kept her moving about, and as soon as Seth came home in the evening she put on her bonnet to go. It touched Dinah keenly to say the last good-bye, and still more to look round on her way across the fields and see the old woman still standing at the door, gazing after her till she must have been the faintest speck in the dim aged eyes. The God of love and peace be with them,” Dinah prayed, as she looked back from the last stile. Make them glad according to the days wherein thou hast afflicted them, and the years wherein they have seen evil. It is thy will that I should part from them; let me have no will but thine.”

6Lisbeth turned into the house at last and sat down in the workshop near Seth, who was busying himself there with fitting some bits of turned wood he had brought from the village into a small work-box, which he meant to give to Dinah before she went away.

7Theet see her again oSunday afore she goes,” were her first words. If thee wast good for anything, theedst make her come in again oSunday night withee, and see me once more.”

8Nay, Mother,” said Seth. “Dinah ’ud be sure to come again if she saw right to come. I should have no need to persuade her. She only thinks it ’ud be troubling thee for nought, just to come in to say good-bye over again.”

9Shed neer go away, I know, if Adam ’ud be fond on her anmarry her, but everythings so contrairy,” said Lisbeth, with a burst of vexation.

10Seth paused a moment and looked up, with a slight blush, at his mothers face. What! Has she said anything othat sort to thee, Mother?” he said, in a lower tone.

11Said? Nay, shell say nothin’. Its ony the men as have to wait till folks say things afore they findem out.”

12Well, but what makes thee think so, Mother? Whats put it into thy head?”

13Its no matter whats put it into my head. My heads none so hollow as it must get in, annought to put it there. I know shes fond on him, as I know thwinds comin’ in at the door, anthats anoof. Anhe might be willin’ to marry her if he knowd shes fond on him, but hell neer think ont if somebody doesna put it intos head.”

14His mothers suggestion about Dinah’s feeling towards Adam was not quite a new thought to Seth, but her last words alarmed him, lest she should herself undertake to open Adams eyes. He was not sure about Dinah’s feeling, and he thought he was sure about Adams.

15Nay, Mother, nay,” he said, earnestly, “thee mustna think ospeaking osuch things to Adam. Theest no right to say what Dinah’s feelings are if she hasna told thee, and it ’ud do nothing but mischief to say such things to Adam. He feels very grateful and affectionate toward Dinah, but hes no thoughts towards her that ’ud incline him to make her his wife, and I dont believe Dinah ’ud marry him either. I dont think shell marry at all.”

16Eh,” said Lisbeth, impatiently. Thee thinkst socause she wouldna hathee. Shell neer marry thee; thee mightst as well like her thathy brother.”

17Seth was hurt. Mother,” he said, in a remonstrating tone, “dont think that of me. I should be as thankful thave her for a sister as thee wouldst thave her for a daughter. Ive no more thoughts about myself in that thing, and I shall take it hard if ever thee sayst it again.”

18Well, well, then thee shouldstna cross me wi’ sayin’ things arena as I say they are.”

19But, Mother,” said Seth, “theedst be doing Dinah a wrong by telling Adam what thee thinkst about her. It ’ud do nothing but mischief, for it ’ud make Adam uneasy if he doesna feel the same to her. And Im pretty sure he feels nothing othe sort.”

20Eh, donna tell me what theet sure on; thee knowst nought about it. Whats he allays goin’ to the Poysers’ for, if he didna want tsee her? He goes twice where he used tgo once. Happen he knowsna as he wants tsee her; he knowsna as I put salt ins broth, but hed miss it pretty quick if it warna there. Hell neer think omarrying if it isna put intos head, anif theedst any love for thy mother, theedst put him up tot annot let her go away out omy sight, when I might haher to make a bit ocomfort for me afore I go to bed to my old man under the white thorn.”

21Nay, Mother,” said Seth, “thee mustna think me unkind, but I should be going against my conscience if I took upon me to say what Dinah’s feelings are. And besides that, I think I should give offence to Adam by speaking to him at all about marrying; and I counsel thee not to dot. Thee mayst be quite deceived about Dinah. Nay, Im pretty sure, by words she said to me last Sabbath, as shes no mind to marry.”

22Eh, theet as contrairy as the rest onem. If it war summat I didna want, it ’ud be done fast enough.”

23Lisbeth rose from the bench at this, and went out of the workshop, leaving Seth in much anxiety lest she should disturb Adams mind about Dinah. He consoled himself after a time with reflecting that, since Adams trouble, Lisbeth had been very timid about speaking to him on matters of feeling, and that she would hardly dare to approach this tenderest of all subjects. Even if she did, he hoped Adam would not take much notice of what she said.

24Seth was right in believing that Lisbeth would be held in restraint by timidity, and during the next three days, the intervals in which she had an opportunity of speaking to Adam were too rare and short to cause her any strong temptation. But in her long solitary hours she brooded over her regretful thoughts about Dinah, till they had grown very near that point of unmanageable strength when thoughts are apt to take wing out of their secret nest in a startling manner. And on Sunday morning, when Seth went away to chapel at Treddleston, the dangerous opportunity came.

25Sunday morning was the happiest time in all the week to Lisbeth, for as there was no service at Hayslope church till the afternoon, Adam was always at home, doing nothing but reading, an occupation in which she could venture to interrupt him. Moreover, she had always a better dinner than usual to prepare for her sonsvery frequently for Adam and herself alone, Seth being often away the entire dayand the smell of the roast meat before the clear fire in the clean kitchen, the clock ticking in a peaceful Sunday manner, her darling Adam seated near her in his best clothes, doing nothing very important, so that she could go and stroke her hand across his hair if she liked, and see him look up at her and smile, while Gyp, rather jealous, poked his muzzle up between themall these things made poor Lisbeth’s earthly paradise.

26The book Adam most often read on a Sunday morning was his large pictured Bible, and this morning it lay open before him on the round white deal table in the kitchen; for he sat there in spite of the fire, because he knew his mother liked to have him with her, and it was the only day in the week when he could indulge her in that way. You would have liked to see Adam reading his Bible. He never opened it on a weekday, and so he came to it as a holiday book, serving him for history, biography, and poetry. He held one hand thrust between his waistcoat buttons, and the other ready to turn the pages, and in the course of the morning you would have seen many changes in his face. Sometimes his lips moved in semi-articulationit was when he came to a speech that he could fancy himself uttering, such as Samuels dying speech to the people; then his eyebrows would be raised, and the corners of his mouth would quiver a little with sad sympathysomething, perhaps old Isaacs meeting with his son, touched him closely; at other times, over the New Testament, a very solemn look would come upon his face, and he would every now and then shake his head in serious assent, or just lift up his hand and let it fall again. And on some mornings, when he read in the Apocrypha, of which he was very fond, the son of Sirach’s keen-edged words would bring a delighted smile, though he also enjoyed the freedom of occasionally differing from an Apocryphal writer. For Adam knew the Articles quite well, as became a good churchman.

27Lisbeth, in the pauses of attending to her dinner, always sat opposite to him and watched him, till she could rest no longer without going up to him and giving him a caress, to call his attention to her. This morning he was reading the Gospel according to St. Matthew, and Lisbeth had been standing close by him for some minutes, stroking his hair, which was smoother than usual this morning, and looking down at the large page with silent wonderment at the mystery of letters. She was encouraged to continue this caress, because when she first went up to him, he had thrown himself back in his chair to look at her affectionately and say, “Why, Mother, thee lookst rare and hearty this morning. Eh, Gyp wants me tlook at him. He cant abide to think I love thee the best.” Lisbeth said nothing, because she wanted to say so many things. And now there was a new leaf to be turned over, and it was a picturethat of the angel seated on the great stone that has been rolled away from the sepulchre. This picture had one strong association in Lisbeth’s memory, for she had been reminded of it when she first saw Dinah, and Adam had no sooner turned the page, and lifted the book sideways that they might look at the angel, than she said, “Thats herthats Dinah.”

28Adam smiled, and, looking more intently at the angels face, said,

29It is a bit like her; but Dinah’s prettier, I think.”

30Well, then, if thee thinkst her so pretty, why arn’t fond on her?”

31Adam looked up in surprise. Why, Mother, dost think I dont set store by Dinah?”

32Nay,” said Lisbeth, frightened at her own courage, yet feeling that she had broken the ice, and the waters must flow, whatever mischief they might do. Whats thuse o’ settin’ store by things as are thirty mile off? If thee wast fond enough on her, thee wouldstna let her go away.”

33But Ive no right thinder her, if she thinks well,” said Adam, looking at his book as if he wanted to go on reading. He foresaw a series of complaints tending to nothing. Lisbeth sat down again in the chair opposite to him, as she said:

34But she wouldna think well if thee wastna so contrairy.” Lisbeth dared not venture beyond a vague phrase yet.

35“Contrairy, mother?” Adam said, looking up again in some anxiety. What have I done? What dost mean?”

36Why, theet never look at nothin’, nor think o’ nothin’, but thy figurin, anthy work,” said Lisbeth, half-crying. Andost think thee canst go on so all thy life, as if thee wast a man cut out otimber? Anwhat wut do when thy mothers gone, annobody to take care on thee as thee gettst a bit o’ victual comfortable ithe mornin’?”

37What hast got ithy mind, Mother?” said Adam, vexed at this whimpering. I canna see what theet driving at. Is there anything I could do for thee as I dont do?”

38Aye, anthat there is. Thee mightst do as I should hasomebody wime to comfort me a bit, anwait on me when Im bad, anbe good to me.”

39Well, Mother, whose fault is it there isna some tidy body ithhouse thelp thee? It isna by my wish as thee hast a stroke owork to do. We can afford itIve told thee often enough. It ’ud be a deal better for us.”

40Eh, whats the use otalking otidy bodies, when thee meanst one othwenches out othvillage, or somebody from Treddles’on as I neer set eyes on imy life? Id sooner make a shift anget into my own coffin afore I die, nor hathem folks to put me in.”

41Adam was silent, and tried to go on reading. That was the utmost severity he could show towards his mother on a Sunday morning. But Lisbeth had gone too far now to check herself, and after scarcely a minutes quietness she began again.

42Thee mightst know well enough whotis Id like thawime. It isna many folks I send for tcome ansee me, I reckon. Antheest had the fetchin’ on her times enow.”

43Thee meanst Dinah, Mother, I know,” said Adam. But its no use setting thy mind on what cant be. If Dinah ’ud be willing to stay at Hayslope, it isn’t likely she can come away from her aunts house, where they hold her like a daughter, and where shes more bound than she is to us. If it had been so that she could hamarried Seth, that ’ud habeen a great blessing to us, but we cant have things just as we like in this life. Thee must try and make up thy mind to do without her.”

44Nay, but I canna maup my mind, when shes just cut out for thee; annought shall mame believe as God didna make her ansend her there opurpose for thee. Whats it sinnify about her bein’ a Methody! It ’ud happen wear out on her wi’ marryin’.”

45Adam threw himself back in his chair and looked at his mother. He understood now what she had been aiming at from the beginning of the conversation. It was as unreasonable, impracticable a wish as she had ever urged, but he could not help being moved by so entirely new an idea. The chief point, however, was to chase away the notion from his mothers mind as quickly as possible.

46Mother,” he said, gravely, “theet talking wild. Dont let me hear thee say such things again. Its no good talking owhat can never be. Dinah’s not for marrying; shes fixed her heart on a different sort olife.”

47Very like,” said Lisbeth, impatiently, “very like shes none for marr’ing, when them as shed be willin’ tmarry wonna ax her. I shouldna habeen for marr’ing thy feyther if hed neer axed me; anshes as fond othee as eer I war o’ Thias, poor fellow.”

48The blood rushed to Adams face, and for a few moments he was not quite conscious where he was. His mother and the kitchen had vanished for him, and he saw nothing but Dinah’s face turned up towards his. It seemed as if there were a resurrection of his dead joy. But he woke up very speedily from that dream (the waking was chill and sad), for it would have been very foolish in him to believe his mothers wordsshe could have no ground for them. He was prompted to express his disbelief very stronglyperhaps that he might call forth the proofs, if there were any to be offered.

49What dost say such things for, Mother, when theest got no foundation forem? Thee knowst nothing as gives thee a right to say that.”

50Then I knowna nought as gies me a right to say as the years turned, for all I feel it fust thing when I get up ithmorning. She isna fond oSeth, I reckon, is she? She doesna want to marry him? But I can see as she doesna behave towrt thee as she daes towrt Seth. She makes no more oSeths coming a-nigh her nor if he war Gyp, but shes all of a tremble when theet a-sittin’ down by her at breakfast ana-looking at her. Thee thinkst thy mother knows nought, but she war alive afore thee wast born.”

51But thee canstna be sure as the trembling means love?” said Adam anxiously.

52Eh, what else should it mane? It isna hate, I reckon. Anwhat should she do but love thee? Theet made to be lovedfor wheres there a straighter cliverer man? Anwhats it sinnify her bein’ a Methody? Its ony the marigold ith’ parridge.”

53Adam had thrust his hands in his pockets, and was looking down at the book on the table, without seeing any of the letters. He was trembling like a gold-seeker who sees the strong promise of gold but sees in the same moment a sickening vision of disappointment. He could not trust his mothers insight; she had seen what she wished to see. And yetand yet, now the suggestion had been made to him, he remembered so many things, very slight things, like the stirring of the water by an imperceptible breeze, which seemed to him some confirmation of his mothers words.

54Lisbeth noticed that he was moved. She went on, “Antheet find out as theet poorly aff when shes gone. Theet fonder on her nor thee knowst. Thy eyes follow her about, welly as Gyps follow thee.”

55Adam could sit still no longer. He rose, took down his hat, and went out into the fields.

56The sunshine was on them: that early autumn sunshine which we should know was not summers, even if there were not the touches of yellow on the lime and chestnut; the Sunday sunshine too, which has more than autumnal calmness for the working man; the morning sunshine, which still leaves the dew-crystals on the fine gossamer webs in the shadow of the bushy hedgerows.

57Adam needed the calm influence; he was amazed at the way in which this new thought of Dinah’s love had taken possession of him, with an overmastering power that made all other feelings give way before the impetuous desire to know that the thought was true. Strange, that till that moment the possibility of their ever being lovers had never crossed his mind, and yet now, all his longing suddenly went out towards that possibility. He had no more doubt or hesitation as to his own wishes than the bird that flies towards the opening through which the daylight gleams and the breath of heaven enters.

58The autumnal Sunday sunshine soothed him, but not by preparing him with resignation to the disappointment if his motherif he himselfproved to be mistaken about Dinah. It soothed him by gentle encouragement of his hopes. Her love was so like that calm sunshine that they seemed to make one presence to him, and he believed in them both alike. And Dinah was so bound up with the sad memories of his first passion that he was not forsaking them, but rather giving them a new sacredness by loving her. Nay, his love for her had grown out of that past: it was the noon of that morning.

59But Seth? Would the lad be hurt? Hardly; for he had seemed quite contented of late, and there was no selfish jealousy in him; he had never been jealous of his mothers fondness for Adam. But had he seen anything of what their mother talked about? Adam longed to know this, for he thought he could trust Seths observation better than his mothers. He must talk to Seth before he went to see Dinah, and, with this intention in his mind, he walked back to the cottage and said to his mother, “Did Seth say anything to thee about when he was coming home? Will he be back to dinner?”

60Aye, lad, hell be back for a wonder. He isna gone to Treddles’on. Hes gone somewhere else a-preachin’ and a-prayin’.”

61Hast any notion which way hes gone?” said Adam.

62Nay, but he aften goes to thCommon. Thee knowst more os goings nor I do.”

63Adam wanted to go and meet Seth, but he must content himself with walking about the near fields and getting sight of him as soon as possible. That would not be for more than an hour to come, for Seth would scarcely be at home much before their dinner-time, which was twelve oclock. But Adam could not sit down to his reading again, and he sauntered along by the brook and stood leaning against the stiles, with eager intense eyes, which looked as if they saw something very vividly; but it was not the brook or the willows, not the fields or the sky. Again and again his vision was interrupted by wonder at the strength of his own feeling, at the strength and sweetness of this new lovealmost like the wonder a man feels at the added power he finds in himself for an art which he had laid aside for a space. How is it that the poets have said so many fine things about our first love, so few about our later love? Are their first poems their best? Or are not those the best which come from their fuller thought, their larger experience, their deeper-rooted affections? The boys flutelike voice has its own spring charm; but the man should yield a richer deeper music.

64At last, there was Seth, visible at the farthest stile, and Adam hastened to meet him. Seth was surprised, and thought something unusual must have happened, but when Adam came up, his face said plainly enough that it was nothing alarming.

65Where hast been?” said Adam, when they were side by side.

66Ive been to the Common,” said Seth. “Dinah’s been speaking the Word to a little company of hearers at Brimstones, as they call him. Theyre folks as never go to church hardlythem on the Commonbut theyll go and hear Dinah a bit. Shes been speaking with power this forenoon from the words, ‘I came not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.’ And there was a little thing happened as was pretty to see. The women mostly bring their children withem, but to-day there was one stout curly headed fellow about three or four year old, that I never saw there before. He was as naughty as could be at the beginning while I was praying, and while we was singing, but when we all sat down and Dinah began to speak, thyoung un stood stock still all at once, and began to look at her withs mouth open, and presently he ran away froms mother and went to Dinah, and pulled at her, like a little dog, for her to take notice of him. So Dinah lifted him up and held thlad on her lap, while she went on speaking; and he was as good as could be till he went to sleepand the mother cried to see him.”

67Its a pity she shouldna be a mother herself,” said Adam, “so fond as the children are of her. Dost think shes quite fixed against marrying, Seth? Dost think nothing ’ud turn her?”

68There was something peculiar in his brothers tone, which made Seth steal a glance at his face before he answered.

69It ’ud be wrong of me to say nothing ’ud turn her,” he answered. But if thee meanst it about myself, Ive given up all thoughts as she can ever be my wife. She calls me her brother, and thats enough.”

70But dost think she might ever get fond enough of anybody else to be willing to marryem?” said Adam rather shyly.

71Well,” said Seth, after some hesitation, “its crossed my mind sometimes olate as she might; but Dinah ’ud let no fondness for the creature draw her out othe path as she believed God had marked out for her. If she thought the leading was not from Him, shes not one to be brought under the power of it. And shes allays seemed clear about thatas her work was to minister tothers, and make no home for herself ithis world.”

72But suppose,” said Adam, earnestly, “suppose there was a man as ’ud let her do just the same and not interfere with hershe might do a good deal owhat she does now, just as well when she was married as when she was single. Other women of her sort have marriedthats to say, not just like her, but women as preached and attended on the sick and needy. Theres Mrs. Fletcher as she talks of.”

73A new light had broken in on Seth. He turned round, and laying his hand on Adams shoulder, said, “Why, wouldst like her to marry thee, brother?”

74Adam looked doubtfully at Seths inquiring eyes and said, “Wouldst be hurt if she was to be fonder ome than othee?”

75Nay,” said Seth warmly, “how canst think it? Have I felt thy trouble so little that I shouldna feel thy joy?”

76There was silence a few moments as they walked on, and then Seth said, “Id no notion as theedst ever think of her for a wife.”

77But is it oany use to think of her?” said Adam. What dost say? Mothers made me as I hardly know where I am, with what shes been saying to me this forenoon. She says shes sure Dinah feels for me more than common, and ’ud be willing thave me. But Im afraid she speaks without book. I want to know if theest seen anything.”

78Its a nice point to speak about,” said Seth, “and Im afraid obeing wrong; besides, weve no right t’ intermeddle with peoples feelings when they wouldn’t tellem themselves.”

79Seth paused.

80But thee mightst ask her,” he said presently. She took no offence at me for asking, and theest more right than I had, only theet not in the Society. But Dinah doesn’t hold withem as are for keeping the Society so strict to themselves. She doesn’t mind about making folks enter the Society, so as theyre fit tenter the kingdom oGod. Some othe brethren at Treddles’on are displeased with her for that.”

81Where will she be the rest othe day?” said Adam.

82She said she shouldn’t leave the farm again to-day,” said Seth, “because its her last Sabbath there, and shes going tread out othe big Bible withe children.”

83Adam thoughtbut did not say—“Then Ill go this afternoon; for if I go to church, my thoughts ’ull be with her all the while. They must sing thanthem without me to-day.”