23. XXIII Miss Lavendar’s Romance

Anne of Avonlea / 少女安妮

1I think Ill take a walk through to Echo Lodge this evening,” said Anne, one Friday afternoon in December.

2It looks like snow,” said Marilla dubiously.

3Ill be there before the snow comes and I mean to stay all night. Diana cant go because she has company, and Im sure Miss Lavendar will be looking for me tonight. Its a whole fortnight since I was there.”

4Anne had paid many a visit to Echo Lodge since that October day. Sometimes she and Diana drove around by the road; sometimes they walked through the woods. When Diana could not go Anne went alone. Between her and Miss Lavendar had sprung up one of those fervent, helpful friendships possible only between a woman who has kept the freshness of youth in her heart and soul, and a girl whose imagination and intuition supplied the place of experience. Anne had at last discovered a realkindred spirit,” while into the little ladys lonely, sequestered life of dreams Anne and Diana came with the wholesome joy and exhilaration of the outer existence, which Miss Lavendar, “the world forgetting, by the world forgot,” had long ceased to share; they brought an atmosphere of youth and reality to the little stone house. Charlotta the Fourth always greeted them with her very widest smile . . . and Charlotta’s smiles were fearfully wide . . . loving them for the sake of her adored mistress as well as for their own. Never had there been suchhigh jinksheld in the little stone house as were held there that beautiful, late-lingering autumn, when November seemed October over again, and even December aped the sunshine and hazes of summer.

5But on this particular day it seemed as if December had remembered that it was time for winter and had turned suddenly dull and brooding, with a windless hush predictive of coming snow. Nevertheless, Anne keenly enjoyed her walk through the great gray maze of the beechlands; though alone she never found it lonely; her imagination peopled her path with merry companions, and with these she carried on a gay, pretended conversation that was wittier and more fascinating than conversations are apt to be in real life, where people sometimes fail most lamentably to talk up to the requirements. In amake believeassembly of choice spirits everybody says just the thing you want her to say and so gives you the chance to say just what you want to say. Attended by this invisible company, Anne traversed the woods and arrived at the fir lane just as broad, feathery flakes began to flutter down softly.

6At the first bend she came upon Miss Lavendar, standing under a big, broad-branching fir. She wore a gown of warm, rich red, and her head and shoulders were wrapped in a silvery gray silk shawl.

7You look like the queen of the fir wood fairies,” called Anne merrily.

8I thought you would come tonight, Anne,” said Miss Lavendar, running forward. And Im doubly glad, for Charlotta the Fourth is away. Her mother is sick and she had to go home for the night. I should have been very lonely if you hadn’t come . . . even the dreams and the echoes wouldn’t have been enough company. Oh, Anne, how pretty you are,” she added suddenly, looking up at the tall, slim girl with the soft rose-flush of walking on her face. How pretty and how young! Its so delightful to be seventeen, isn’t it? I do envy you,” concluded Miss Lavendar candidly.

9But you are only seventeen at heart,” smiled Anne.

10No, Im old . . . or rather middle-aged, which is far worse,” sighed Miss Lavendar. Sometimes I can pretend Im not, but at other times I realize it. And I cant reconcile myself to it as most women seem to. Im just as rebellious as I was when I discovered my first gray hair. Now, Anne, dont look as if you were trying to understand. Seventeen cant understand. Im going to pretend right away that I am seventeen too, and I can do it, now that youre here. You always bring youth in your hand like a gift. Were going to have a jolly evening. Tea first . . . what do you want for tea? Well have whatever you like. Do think of something nice and indigestible.”

11There were sounds of riot and mirth in the little stone house that night. What with cooking and feasting and making candy and laughing andpretending,” it is quite true that Miss Lavendar and Anne comported themselves in a fashion entirely unsuited to the dignity of a spinster of forty-five and a sedate schoolma’am. Then, when they were tired, they sat down on the rug before the grate in the parlor, lighted only by the soft fireshine and perfumed deliciously by Miss Lavendar’s open rose-jar on the mantel. The wind had risen and was sighing and wailing around the eaves and the snow was thudding softly against the windows, as if a hundred storm sprites were tapping for entrance.

12Im so glad youre here, Anne,” said Miss Lavendar, nibbling at her candy. If you weren’t I should be blue . . . very blue . . . almost navy blue. Dreams and make-believes are all very well in the daytime and the sunshine, but when dark and storm come they fail to satisfy. One wants real things then. But you dont know this . . . seventeen never knows it. At seventeen dreams DO satisfy because you think the realities are waiting for you further on. When I was seventeen, Anne, I didn’t think forty-five would find me a white-haired little old maid with nothing but dreams to fill my life.”

13But you aren’t an old maid,” said Anne, smiling into Miss Lavendar’s wistful woodbrown eyes. Old maids are born . . . they dont become.”

14Some are born old maids, some achieve old maidenhood, and some have old maidenhood thrust upon them,” parodied Miss Lavendar whimsically.

15You are one of those who have achieved it then,” laughed Anne, “and youve done it so beautifully that if every old maid were like you they would come into the fashion, I think.”

16I always like to do things as well as possible,” said Miss Lavendar meditatively, “and since an old maid I had to be I was determined to be a very nice one. People say Im odd; but its just because I follow my own way of being an old maid and refuse to copy the traditional pattern. Anne, did anyone ever tell you anything about Stephen Irving and me?”

17Yes,” said Anne candidly, “Ive heard that you and he were engaged once.”

18So we were . . . twenty-five years ago . . . a lifetime ago. And we were to have been married the next spring. I had my wedding dress made, although nobody but mother and Stephen ever knew that. Wed been engaged in a way almost all our lives, you might say. When Stephen was a little boy his mother would bring him here when she came to see my mother; and the second time he ever came . . . he was nine and I was six . . . he told me out in the garden that he had pretty well made up his mind to marry me when he grew up. I remember that I saidThank you’; and when he was gone I told mother very gravely that there was a great weight off my mind, because I wasn’t frightened any more about having to be an old maid. How poor mother laughed!”

19And what went wrong?” asked Anne breathlessly.

20We had just a stupid, silly, commonplace quarrel. So commonplace that, if youll believe me, I dont even remember just how it began. I hardly know who was the more to blame for it. Stephen did really begin it, but I suppose I provoked him by some foolishness of mine. He had a rival or two, you see. I was vain and coquettish and liked to tease him a little. He was a very high-strung, sensitive fellow. Well, we parted in a temper on both sides. But I thought it would all come right; and it would have if Stephen hadn’t come back too soon. Anne, my dear, Im sorry to say” . . . Miss Lavendar dropped her voice as if she were about to confess a predilection for murdering people, “that I am a dreadfully sulky person. Oh, you needn’t smile, . . . its only too true. I do sulk; and Stephen came back before I had finished sulking. I wouldn’t listen to him and I wouldn’t forgive him; and so he went away for good. He was too proud to come again. And then I sulked because he didn’t come. I might have sent for him perhaps, but I couldn’t humble myself to do that. I was just as proud as he was . . . pride and sulkiness make a very bad combination, Anne. But I could never care for anybody else and I didn’t want to. I knew I would rather be an old maid for a thousand years than marry anybody who wasn’t Stephen Irving. Well, it all seems like a dream now, of course. How sympathetic you look, Anne . . . as sympathetic as only seventeen can look. But dont overdo it. Im really a very happy, contented little person in spite of my broken heart. My heart did break, if ever a heart did, when I realized that Stephen Irving was not coming back. But, Anne, a broken heart in real life isn’t half as dreadful as it is in books. Its a good deal like a bad tooth . . . though you wont think that a very romantic simile. It takes spells of aching and gives you a sleepless night now and then, but between times it lets you enjoy life and dreams and echoes and peanut candy as if there were nothing the matter with it. And now youre looking disappointed. You dont think Im half as interesting a person as you did five minutes ago when you believed I was always the prey of a tragic memory bravely hidden beneath external smiles. Thats the worst . . . or the best . . . of real life, Anne. It wont let you be miserable. It keeps on trying to make you comfortable . . . and succeeding...even when youre determined to be unhappy and romantic. Isn’t this candy scrumptious? Ive eaten far more than is good for me already but Im going to keep recklessly on.”

21After a little silence Miss Lavendar said abruptly,

22It gave me a shock to hear about Stephens son that first day you were here, Anne. Ive never been able to mention him to you since, but Ive wanted to know all about him. What sort of a boy is he?”

23He is the dearest, sweetest child I ever knew, Miss Lavendar . . . and he pretends things too, just as you and I do.”

24Id like to see him,” said Miss Lavendar softly, as if talking to herself. I wonder if he looks anything like the little dream-boy who lives here with me . . . my little dream-boy.”

25If you would like to see Paul Ill bring him through with me sometime,” said Anne.

26I would like it . . . but not too soon. I want to get used to the thought. There might be more pain than pleasure in it . . . if he looked too much like Stephen . . . or if he didn’t look enough like him. In a months time you may bring him.”

27Accordingly, a month later Anne and Paul walked through the woods to the stone house, and met Miss Lavendar in the lane. She had not been expecting them just then and she turned very pale.

28So this is Stephens boy,” she said in a low tone, taking Pauls hand and looking at him as he stood, beautiful and boyish, in his smart little fur coat and cap. He . . . he is very like his father.”

29Everybody says Im a chip off the old block,” remarked Paul, quite at his ease.

30Anne, who had been watching the little scene, drew a relieved breath. She saw that Miss Lavendar and Paul hadtakento each other, and that there would be no constraint or stiffness. Miss Lavendar was a very sensible person, in spite of her dreams and romance, and after that first little betrayal she tucked her feelings out of sight and entertained Paul as brightly and naturally as if he were anybodys son who had come to see her. They all had a jolly afternoon together and such a feast of fat things by way of supper as would have made old Mrs. Irving hold up her hands in horror, believing that Pauls digestion would be ruined for ever.

31Come again, laddie,” said Miss Lavendar, shaking hands with him at parting.

32You may kiss me if you like,” said Paul gravely.

33Miss Lavendar stooped and kissed him.

34How did you know I wanted to?” she whispered.

35Because you looked at me just as my little mother used to do when she wanted to kiss me. As a rule, I dont like to be kissed. Boys dont. You know, Miss Lewis. But I think I rather like to have you kiss me. And of course Ill come to see you again. I think Id like to have you for a particular friend of mine, if you dont object.”

36I . . . I dont think I shall object,” said Miss Lavendar. She turned and went in very quickly; but a moment later she was waving a gay and smiling good-bye to them from the window.

37I like Miss Lavendar,” announced Paul, as they walked through the beech woods. I like the way she looked at me, and I like her stone house, and I like Charlotta the Fourth. I wish Grandma Irving had a Charlotta the Fourth instead of a Mary Joe. I feel sure Charlotta the Fourth wouldn’t think I was wrong in my upper story when I told her what I think about things. Wasn’t that a splendid tea we had, teacher? Grandma says a boy shouldn’t be thinking about what he gets to eat, but he cant help it sometimes when he is real hungry. You know, teacher. I dont think Miss Lavendar would make a boy eat porridge for breakfast if he didn’t like it. Shed get things for him he did like. But of course” . . . Paul was nothing if not fair-minded . . . “that mightn’t be very good for him. Its very nice for a change though, teacher. You know.”