49. VARDAMAN
AS I LAY DYING / 我弥留之际1SHE was under the apple tree and Darl and I go across the moon and the cat jumps down and runs and we can hear her inside the wood.
2“Hear?” Darl says. “Put your ear close.”
3I put my ear close and I can hear her. Only I can’t tell what she is saying.
4“What is she saying, Darl?” I say. “Who is she talking to?”
5“She’s talking to God,” Darl says. “She is calling on Him to help her.”
6“What does she want Him to do?” I say.
7“She wants Him to hide her away from the sight of man,” Darl says.
8“Why does she want to hide her away from the sight of man, Darl?”
9“So she can lay down her life,” Darl says.
10“Why does she want to lay down her life, Darl?”
11“Listen,” Darl says. We hear her. We hear her turn over on her side. “Listen,” Darl says.
12“She’s turned over,” I say. “She’s looking at me through the wood.”
13“Yes,” Darl says.
14“How can she see through the wood, Darl?”
15“Come,” Darl says. “We must let her be quiet. Come.”
16“She can’t see out there, because the holes are in the top,” I say. “How can she see, Darl?”
17“Let’s go see about Cash,” Darl says.
18And I saw something Dewey Dell told me not to tell nobody.
19Cash is sick in his leg. We fixed his leg this afternoon, but he is sick in it again, lying on the bed. We pour water on his leg and then he feels fine.
20“I feel fine,” Cash says. “I’m obliged to you.”
21“Try to get some sleep,” we say.
22“I feel fine,” Cash says. “I’m obliged to you.”
23And I saw something Dewey Dell told me not to tell nobody. It is not about pa and it is not about Cash and it is not about Jewel and it is not about Dewey Dell and it is not about me.
24Dewey Dell and I are going to sleep on the pallet. It is on the back porch, where we can see the barn, and the moon shines on half of the pallet and we will lie half in the white and half in the black, with the moonlight on our legs. And then I am going to see where they stay at night while we are in the barn. We are not in the barn to-night but I can see the barn and so I am going to find where they stay at night.
25We lie on the pallet, with our legs in the moon.
26“Look,” I say, “my legs look black. Your legs look black, too.”
27“Go to sleep,” Dewey Dell says.
28Jefferson is a far piece.
29“Dewey Dell.”
30“If it’s not Christmas now, how will it be there?”
31It goes round and round on the shining track. Then the track goes shining round and round.
32“Will what be there?”
33“That train. In the window.”
34“You go to sleep. You can see to-morrow if it’s there.”
35Maybe Santa Claus won’t know they are town boys.
36“Dewey Dell.”
37“You go to sleep. He ain’t going to let none of them town boys have it.”
38It was behind the window, red on the track, and the track shining round and round. It made my heart hurt. And then it was pa and Jewel and Darl and Mr. Gillespie’s boy. Mr. Gillespie’s boy’s legs come down under his nightshirt. When he goes into the moon, his legs fuzz. They go on around the house toward the apple tree.
39“What are they going to do, Dewey Dell?”
40They went around the house toward the apple tree.
41“I can smell her,” I say. “Can you smell her, too?”
42“Hush,” Dewey Dell says. “The wind’s changed. Go to sleep.”
43And so I am going to know where they stay at night soon. They come around the house, going across the yard in the moon, carrying her on their shoulders. They carry her down to the barn, the moon shining flat and quiet on her. Then they come back and go into the house again. While they were in the moon, Mr. Gillespie’s boy’s legs fuzzed. And then I waited and I said Dewey Dell? and then I waited and then I went to find where they stay at night and I saw something that Dewey Dell told me not to tell nobody.