18. CHAPTER XVIII.

Silas Marner / 织工马南

1Some one opened the door at the other end of the room, and Nancy felt that it was her husband. She turned from the window with gladness in her eyes, for the wifes chief dread was stilled.

2Dear, Im so thankful youre come,” she said, going towards him. I began to get—”

3She paused abruptly, for Godfrey was laying down his hat with trembling hands, and turned towards her with a pale face and a strange unanswering glance, as if he saw her indeed, but saw her as part of a scene invisible to herself. She laid her hand on his arm, not daring to speak again; but he left the touch unnoticed, and threw himself into his chair.

4Jane was already at the door with the hissing urn. Tell her to keep away, will you?” said Godfrey; and when the door was closed again he exerted himself to speak more distinctly.

5Sit down, Nancythere,” he said, pointing to a chair opposite him. I came back as soon as I could, to hinder anybodys telling you but me. Ive had a great shockbut I care most about the shock itll be to you.”

6It isn’t father and Priscilla?” said Nancy, with quivering lips, clasping her hands together tightly on her lap.

7No, its nobody living,” said Godfrey, unequal to the considerate skill with which he would have wished to make his revelation. Its Dunstan—my brother Dunstan, that we lost sight of sixteen years ago. Weve found himfound his bodyhis skeleton.”

8The deep dread Godfreys look had created in Nancy made her feel these words a relief. She sat in comparative calmness to hear what else he had to tell. He went on:

9The Stone-pit has gone dry suddenlyfrom the draining, I suppose; and there he lieshas lain for sixteen years, wedged between two great stones. Theres his watch and seals, and theres my gold-handled hunting-whip, with my name on: he took it away, without my knowing, the day he went hunting on Wildfire, the last time he was seen.”

10Godfrey paused: it was not so easy to say what came next. Do you think he drowned himself?” said Nancy, almost wondering that her husband should be so deeply shaken by what had happened all those years ago to an unloved brother, of whom worse things had been augured.

11No, he fell in,” said Godfrey, in a low but distinct voice, as if he felt some deep meaning in the fact. Presently he added: “Dunstan was the man that robbed Silas Marner.”

12The blood rushed to Nancys face and neck at this surprise and shame, for she had been bred up to regard even a distant kinship with crime as a dishonour.

13O Godfrey!” she said, with compassion in her tone, for she had immediately reflected that the dishonour must be felt still more keenly by her husband.

14There was the money in the pit,” he continued—“all the weavers money. Everythings been gathered up, and theyre taking the skeleton to the Rainbow. But I came back to tell you: there was no hindering it; you must know.”

15He was silent, looking on the ground for two long minutes. Nancy would have said some words of comfort under this disgrace, but she refrained, from an instinctive sense that there was something behindthat Godfrey had something else to tell her. Presently he lifted his eyes to her face, and kept them fixed on her, as he said

16Everything comes to light, Nancy, sooner or later. When God Almighty wills it, our secrets are found out. Ive lived with a secret on my mind, but Ill keep it from you no longer. I wouldn’t have you know it by somebody else, and not by meI wouldn’t have you find it out after Im dead. Ill tell you now. Its beenI willandI wontwith me all my lifeIll make sure of myself now.”

17Nancys utmost dread had returned. The eyes of the husband and wife met with awe in them, as at a crisis which suspended affection.

18Nancy,” said Godfrey, slowly, “when I married you, I hid something from yousomething I ought to have told you. That woman Marner found dead in the snow—Eppie’s motherthat wretched womanwas my wife: Eppie is my child.”

19He paused, dreading the effect of his confession. But Nancy sat quite still, only that her eyes dropped and ceased to meet his. She was pale and quiet as a meditative statue, clasping her hands on her lap.

20Youll never think the same of me again,” said Godfrey, after a little while, with some tremor in his voice.

21She was silent.

22I oughtn’t to have left the child unowned: I oughtn’t to have kept it from you. But I couldn’t bear to give you up, Nancy. I was led away into marrying herI suffered for it.”

23Still Nancy was silent, looking down; and he almost expected that she would presently get up and say she would go to her fathers. How could she have any mercy for faults that must seem so black to her, with her simple, severe notions?

24But at last she lifted up her eyes to his again and spoke. There was no indignation in her voiceonly deep regret.

25Godfrey, if you had but told me this six years ago, we could have done some of our duty by the child. Do you think Id have refused to take her in, if Id known she was yours?”

26At that moment Godfrey felt all the bitterness of an error that was not simply futile, but had defeated its own end. He had not measured this wife with whom he had lived so long. But she spoke again, with more agitation.

27AndOh, Godfreyif wed had her from the first, if youd taken to her as you ought, shed have loved me for her motherand youd have been happier with me: I could better have bore my little baby dying, and our life might have been more like what we used to think it ’ud be.”

28The tears fell, and Nancy ceased to speak.

29But you wouldn’t have married me then, Nancy, if Id told you,” said Godfrey, urged, in the bitterness of his self-reproach, to prove to himself that his conduct had not been utter folly. You may think you would now, but you wouldn’t then. With your pride and your fathers, youd have hated having anything to do with me after the talk thered have been.”

30I cant say what I should have done about that, Godfrey. I should never have married anybody else. But I wasn’t worth doing wrong fornothing is in this world. Nothing is so good as it seems beforehandnot even our marrying wasn’t, you see.” There was a faint sad smile on Nancys face as she said the last words.

31Im a worse man than you thought I was, Nancy,” said Godfrey, rather tremulously. Can you forgive me ever?”

32The wrong to me is but little, Godfrey: youve made it up to meyouve been good to me for fifteen years. Its another you did the wrong to; and I doubt it can never be all made up for.”

33But we can take Eppie now,” said Godfrey. I wont mind the world knowing at last. Ill be plain and open for the rest omy life.”

34Itll be different coming to us, now shes grown up,” said Nancy, shaking her head sadly. But its your duty to acknowledge her and provide for her; and Ill do my part by her, and pray to God Almighty to make her love me.”

35Then well go together to Silas Marner’s this very night, as soon as everythings quiet at the Stone-pits.”