16. Chapter XVI Lying to George

A Room With A View / 看得见风景的房间

1But Lucy had developed since the spring. That is to say, she was now better able to stifle the emotions of which the conventions and the world disapprove. Though the danger was greater, she was not shaken by deep sobs. She said to Cecil, “I am not coming in to teatell motherI must write some letters,” and went up to her room. Then she prepared for action. Love felt and returned, love which our bodies exact and our hearts have transfigured, love which is the most real thing that we shall ever meet, reappeared now as the worlds enemy, and she must stifle it.

2She sent for Miss Bartlett.

3The contest lay not between love and duty. Perhaps there never is such a contest. It lay between the real and the pretended, and Lucys first aim was to defeat herself. As her brain clouded over, as the memory of the views grew dim and the words of the book died away, she returned to her old shibboleth of nerves. Sheconquered her breakdown.” Tampering with the truth, she forgot that the truth had ever been. Remembering that she was engaged to Cecil, she compelled herself to confused remembrances of George; he was nothing to her; he never had been anything; he had behaved abominably; she had never encouraged him. The armour of falsehood is subtly wrought out of darkness, and hides a man not only from others, but from his own soul. In a few moments Lucy was equipped for battle.

4Something too awful has happened,” she began, as soon as her cousin arrived. Do you know anything about Miss Lavishs novel?”

5Miss Bartlett looked surprised, and said that she had not read the book, nor known that it was published; Eleanor was a reticent woman at heart.

6There is a scene in it. The hero and heroine make love. Do you know about that?”

7Dear—?”

8Do you know about it, please?” she repeated. They are on a hillside, and Florence is in the distance.”

9My good Lucia, I am all at sea. I know nothing about it whatever.”

10There are violets. I cannot believe it is a coincidence. Charlotte, Charlotte, how could you have told her? I have thought before speaking; it must be you.”

11Told her what?” she asked, with growing agitation.

12About that dreadful afternoon in February.”

13Miss Bartlett was genuinely moved. Oh, Lucy, dearest girlshe hasn’t put that in her book?”

14Lucy nodded.

15Not so that one could recognize it. Yes.”

16Then nevernevernever more shall Eleanor Lavish be a friend of mine.”

17So you did tell?”

18I did just happenwhen I had tea with her at Romein the course of conversation—”

19But Charlottewhat about the promise you gave me when we were packing? Why did you tell Miss Lavish, when you wouldn’t even let me tell mother?”

20I will never forgive Eleanor. She has betrayed my confidence.”

21Why did you tell her, though? This is a most serious thing.”

22Why does any one tell anything? The question is eternal, and it was not surprising that Miss Bartlett should only sigh faintly in response. She had done wrongshe admitted it, she only hoped that she had not done harm; she had told Eleanor in the strictest confidence.

23Lucy stamped with irritation.

24Cecil happened to read out the passage aloud to me and to Mr. Emerson; it upset Mr. Emerson and he insulted me again. Behind Cecils back. Ugh! Is it possible that men are such brutes? Behind Cecils back as we were walking up the garden.”

25Miss Bartlett burst into self-accusations and regrets.

26What is to be done now? Can you tell me?”

27Oh, LucyI shall never forgive myself, never to my dying day. Fancy if your prospects—”

28I know,” said Lucy, wincing at the word. I see now why you wanted me to tell Cecil, and what you meant bysome other source.’ You knew that you had told Miss Lavish, and that she was not reliable.”

29It was Miss Bartlett’s turn to wince. However,” said the girl, despising her cousins shiftiness, “Whats dones done. You have put me in a most awkward position. How am I to get out of it?”

30Miss Bartlett could not think. The days of her energy were over. She was a visitor, not a chaperon, and a discredited visitor at that. She stood with clasped hands while the girl worked herself into the necessary rage.

31He mustthat man must have such a setting down that he wont forget. And whos to give it him? I cant tell mother nowowing to you. Nor Cecil, Charlotte, owing to you. I am caught up every way. I think I shall go mad. I have no one to help me. Thats why Ive sent for you. Whats wanted is a man with a whip.”

32Miss Bartlett agreed: one wanted a man with a whip.

33Yesbut its no good agreeing. Whats to be done? We women go maundering on. What does a girl do when she comes across a cad?”

34I always said he was a cad, dear. Give me credit for that, at all events. From the very first momentwhen he said his father was having a bath.”

35Oh, bother the credit and whos been right or wrong! Weve both made a muddle of it. George Emerson is still down the garden there, and is he to be left unpunished, or isn’t he? I want to know.”

36Miss Bartlett was absolutely helpless. Her own exposure had unnerved her, and thoughts were colliding painfully in her brain. She moved feebly to the window, and tried to detect the cads white flannels among the laurels.

37You were ready enough at the Bertolini when you rushed me off to Rome. Cant you speak again to him now?”

38Willingly would I move heaven and earth—”

39I want something more definite,” said Lucy contemptuously. Will you speak to him? It is the least you can do, surely, considering it all happened because you broke your word.”

40Never again shall Eleanor Lavish be a friend of mine.”

41Really, Charlotte was outdoing herself.

42Yes or no, please; yes or no.”

43It is the kind of thing that only a gentleman can settle.” George Emerson was coming up the garden with a tennis ball in his hand.

44Very well,” said Lucy, with an angry gesture. “No one will help me. I will speak to him myself.” And immediately she realized that this was what her cousin had intended all along.

45Hullo, Emerson!” called Freddy from below. “Found the lost ball? Good man! Want any tea?” And there was an irruption from the house on to the terrace.

46Oh, Lucy, but that is brave of you! I admire you—”

47They had gathered round George, who beckoned, she felt, over the rubbish, the sloppy thoughts, the furtive yearnings that were beginning to cumber her soul. Her anger faded at the sight of him. Ah! The Emersons were fine people in their way. She had to subdue a rush in her blood before saying:

48“Freddy has taken him into the dining-room. The others are going down the garden. Come. Let us get this over quickly. Come. I want you in the room, of course.”

49Lucy, do you mind doing it?”

50How can you ask such a ridiculous question?”

51Poor Lucy—” She stretched out her hand. “I seem to bring nothing but misfortune wherever I go.” Lucy nodded. She remembered their last evening at Florencethe packing, the candle, the shadow of Miss Bartlett’s toque on the door. She was not to be trapped by pathos a second time. Eluding her cousins caress, she led the way downstairs.

52Try the jam,” Freddy was saying. The jams jolly good.”

53George, looking big and dishevelled, was pacing up and down the dining-room. As she entered he stopped, and said:

54Nonothing to eat.”

55You go down to the others,” said Lucy; “Charlotte and I will give Mr. Emerson all he wants. Wheres mother?”

56Shes started on her Sunday writing. Shes in the drawing-room.”

57Thats all right. You go away.”

58He went off singing.

59Lucy sat down at the table. Miss Bartlett, who was thoroughly frightened, took up a book and pretended to read.

60She would not be drawn into an elaborate speech. She just said: “I cant have it, Mr. Emerson. I cannot even talk to you. Go out of this house, and never come into it again as long as I live here—” flushing as she spoke and pointing to the door. I hate a row. Go please.”

61What—”

62No discussion.”

63But I cant—”

64She shook her head. Go, please. I do not want to call in Mr. Vyse.”

65You dont mean,” he said, absolutely ignoring Miss Bartlett—“you dont mean that you are going to marry that man?”

66The line was unexpected.

67She shrugged her shoulders, as if his vulgarity wearied her. You are merely ridiculous,” she said quietly.

68Then his words rose gravely over hers: “You cannot live with Vyse. Hes only for an acquaintance. He is for society and cultivated talk. He should know no one intimately, least of all a woman.”

69It was a new light on Cecils character.

70Have you ever talked to Vyse without feeling tired?”

71I can scarcely discuss—”

72No, but have you ever? He is the sort who are all right so long as they keep to thingsbooks, picturesbut kill when they come to people. Thats why Ill speak out through all this muddle even now. Its shocking enough to lose you in any case, but generally a man must deny himself joy, and I would have held back if your Cecil had been a different person. I would never have let myself go. But I saw him first in the National Gallery, when he winced because my father mispronounced the names of great painters. Then he brings us here, and we find it is to play some silly trick on a kind neighbour. That is the man all overplaying tricks on people, on the most sacred form of life that he can find. Next, I meet you together, and find him protecting and teaching you and your mother to be shocked, when it was for you to settle whether you were shocked or no. Cecil all over again. He daren’t let a woman decide. Hes the type whos kept Europe back for a thousand years. Every moment of his life hes forming you, telling you whats charming or amusing or ladylike, telling you what a man thinks womanly; and you, you of all women, listen to his voice instead of to your own. So it was at the Rectory, when I met you both again; so it has been the whole of this afternoon. Thereforenottherefore I kissed you,’ because the book made me do that, and I wish to goodness I had more self-control. Im not ashamed. I dont apologize. But it has frightened you, and you may not have noticed that I love you. Or would you have told me to go, and dealt with a tremendous thing so lightly? But thereforetherefore I settled to fight him.”

73Lucy thought of a very good remark.

74You say Mr. Vyse wants me to listen to him, Mr. Emerson. Pardon me for suggesting that you have caught the habit.”

75And he took the shoddy reproof and touched it into immortality. He said:

76Yes, I have,” and sank down as if suddenly weary. “Im the same kind of brute at bottom. This desire to govern a womanit lies very deep, and men and women must fight it together before they shall enter the garden. But I do love you surely in a better way than he does.” He thought. “Yesreally in a better way. I want you to have your own thoughts even when I hold you in my arms.” He stretched them towards her. Lucy, be quicktheres no time for us to talk nowcome to me as you came in the spring, and afterwards I will be gentle and explain. I have cared for you since that man died. I cannot live without you, ‘No good,’ I thought; ‘she is marrying someone else’; but I meet you again when all the world is glorious water and sun. As you came through the wood I saw that nothing else mattered. I called. I wanted to live and have my chance of joy.”

77And Mr. Vyse?” said Lucy, who kept commendably calm. Does he not matter? That I love Cecil and shall be his wife shortly? A detail of no importance, I suppose?”

78But he stretched his arms over the table towards her.

79May I ask what you intend to gain by this exhibition?”

80He said: “It is our last chance. I shall do all that I can.” And as if he had done all else, he turned to Miss Bartlett, who sat like some portent against the skies of the evening. You wouldn’t stop us this second time if you understood,” he said. I have been into the dark, and I am going back into it, unless you will try to understand.”

81Her long, narrow head drove backwards and forwards, as though demolishing some invisible obstacle. She did not answer.

82It is being young,” he said quietly, picking up his racquet from the floor and preparing to go. It is being certain that Lucy cares for me really. It is that love and youth matter intellectually.”

83In silence the two women watched him. His last remark, they knew, was nonsense, but was he going after it or not? Would not he, the cad, the charlatan, attempt a more dramatic finish? No. He was apparently content. He left them, carefully closing the front door; and when they looked through the hall window, they saw him go up the drive and begin to climb the slopes of withered fern behind the house. Their tongues were loosed, and they burst into stealthy rejoicings.

84Oh, Lucia—come back hereoh, what an awful man!”

85Lucy had no reactionat least, not yet. Well, he amuses me,” she said. Either Im mad, or else he is, and Im inclined to think its the latter. One more fuss through with you, Charlotte. Many thanks. I think, though, that this is the last. My admirer will hardly trouble me again.”

86And Miss Bartlett, too, essayed the roguish:

87Well, it isn’t everyone who could boast such a conquest, dearest, is it? Oh, one oughtn’t to laugh, really. It might have been very serious. But you were so sensible and braveso unlike the girls of my day.”

88Lets go down to them.”

89But, once in the open air, she paused. Some emotionpity, terror, love, but the emotion was strongseized her, and she was aware of autumn. Summer was ending, and the evening brought her odours of decay, the more pathetic because they were reminiscent of spring. That something or other mattered intellectually? A leaf, violently agitated, danced past her, while other leaves lay motionless. That the earth was hastening to re-enter darkness, and the shadows of those trees over Windy Corner?

90Hullo, Lucy! Theres still light enough for another set, if you twoll hurry.”

91Mr. Emerson has had to go.”

92What a nuisance! That spoils the four. I say, Cecil, do play, do, theres a good chap. Its Floyd’s last day. Do play tennis with us, just this once.”

93Cecils voice came: “My dear Freddy, I am no athlete. As you well remarked this very morning, ‘There are some chaps who are no good for anything but books’; I plead guilty to being such a chap, and will not inflict myself on you.”

94The scales fell from Lucys eyes. How had she stood Cecil for a moment? He was absolutely intolerable, and the same evening she broke off her engagement.